I need a new inner circle...

I said I wouldn't complain, so don't read into this posting as such. 

I'm just stating the obvious.  I need a new inner circle.  To be completley honest, my current "circle" is a little busted, and as a result I'm becomming busted as well.  Okay, as I write that I'm kind of cracking up, but I'm so serious.   I need new friends. I need new associates.  I need to surround myself with progressive, positive and energetic people.  I need to evolve. 

Realizing you have a problem is always the first step on the road to recovery...

20 Month Loc update

Hello Blog World!

I noticed I've been ranting excesively about my problems, so here's a loc update to lift your spirits.  If you are anything like me (which you proabably are NOT) constant complaining kinda gets you down. 

Hopefully this will serve as proof that I am NOT five minutes from jumping off the roof. 

-Enjoy

Back at square 1

okay.

I thought I was making progress in the whole "counseling" thing, only to realize yesterday how far I was from a resolution.

Yesterday's counseling session was different, to say the least.

I realized just how much I hold in emotionally... 

Loc Update - kinda sorta, something like that I guess, maybe

its been a while since I've had a loc update - with all of the self induced stress I've been causing - but here it is. 

My three year lo-aversary will be August 31st, so I guess Ive been loc'd for ...
um, lemme see
I'm terrible with math
(counting on my fingers)
I've been loc'd for 32 months..

It doesn't seem like that long ago, and I'm quite sure I'm off on my number (it seems like I've been loc'd for less time.  and now that I think about it and look back at pictures, I realize that I've only been loc'd for what will be going on two years, so technically I'm at 20 months with my locs. 

Okay, now that we've settled that, lemme tell you a lil bit of what's been going on ova hair (you get it?  over HAIR??). 

I've been doing my own maintenance since March of last year (2010), or maybe it was May.  in either event, Ive been doing my own washings, stylings, maintenance, colorings etc.  and although its taken some time to learn how I like my hair, it has been worth ever second.  I learned that pipe cleaners don't work for me, but pin curls do.  I can go about 5-6 weeks without a retwisiting, as long as I moisturize often.  My hair loves conditioner (which I thought was a o no for locs), and needs to be trimmed every two moths or so.  I haven't dyed my hair since the fall (2010) - okay, I did dye my roots, but that doesn't really count. 

My hair has gotten really long too.  the locs in the back have finally fallen just past my neck onto the top of my back - which is really exciting,and the ones on the front come down to my chin if I let them fall that way.  I can almost tie the ones on my the side under my chin -almost. 

Its has also gotten really thick, and HEAVY!  and they hold so much heat... who knew that a 60 degree day would make my head sweat so much!

here are a few pictures, to give you an idea of where I am with my hair..

enjoy!

view from the side

freshly washed

fooling around, looking rasta =)

I tried to capture the length, but idk



its wet, but maybe you can see the lenght and thickness



Take a Break!

This past weekend I did something that I had never done beofre.  I got in the car and just drove.  I ended up in Washington DC at the cherry blossom festival.  While there I checked out the smithsonian museum (I had no idea they were ALL FREE), the Whitehouse (or as close as they would let me), and even got a chance to see the Washington Monument, Jefferson Monument, and the State Capitol building.  I had been in DC before, but ths was the first time I got to take in any of the city's tourism.  I wish I had more time to walk around, but the rain, and time limits prevented it....  It felt good to do something I wanted to do for myself.  who know what this will lead to?

A confession...

Okay.

I'm sure its pretty evident, that I have been going through some major emotional issues for the past few months.  BUT, I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that I am taking some steps to get to the root of the causes...

This week (Wednesday) we (Kyle and I) went to our weekly counseling session and there was actually some kind of break through... not sure what, but I am not as angry with him. 

Not sure if it is me just giving up altogether, or me realizing something that I hadn't previously. 

For the past few days I kinda feel alright...

Here we go again.... I wish I could run AWAY!

Something about these counseling sessions with my soon to be ex-husband are very upsetting... excuse me for sounding  - what's the word -  like I don't care, but I honestly don't.  I no longer care about anything, and these counseling sessions are number one on a very long list of shit I could care less about.  I'm about 30 seconds away from calling each parent and telling them that effective Monday they need to find somewhere else to take their child, buying a one way ticket (what ever I can afford, to wherever it will take me) and running the hell away.  so many things about my life piss me off right now.  I'm pissed that I don't have the money I need in my account.  I'm pissed that I didn't enroll in the class I promised myself.  I'm pissed that I'm sitting here caring for a group of kids who's parent's don't give a flying FUCK about.  I'm pissed that my kids will probably eat take out tonight.  I'm pissed that my stupid van overheats and shimmy's everytime I drive it.  I'm pissed that I never have the time, energy , or money to do a fraction of the things that I want to do... and I'm pissed that I have to go to this stupid fucking counseling and talk about shit that has nothing to do with the reason I want a divorce.