How Awesome!!!

Black Women....

We've always known
about the beauty, strength, and love
that we posses
but have you ever seen it?
have you looked at the curl
of your hair?
your lips?
your hips?
have you touched the texture of your skin?
take a close look at our cheekbones
our almond shaped eye and
those lines that tell so much of where we've been, what we've done and where we're going...
our struggles, our pains, our joys our pains.
from 4 feet 9 to 6 feet tall
you're beautiful baby.

so....next time you turn down a compliment, or think of the ways you could change the way you look with perms, hair dyes, excessive make up, girdles, and all that other crap that makes s feel better - only for a little while -
remember your hair - straight, curly or shaved, your brown skin,
your full lips,
and your swaying hips.
remember your high cheek bones
and your eyes that speak words that our tongues dare not utter

remember that you're beautiful baby

Happy Blogoversary!

It really doesn’t seem like a year I started blogging….sometimes it feels much longer and other times it seems like only a couple of months since I began, but today I actually celebrate 1 full year of blogging!

Awww hecky naw...lol

Blogging wouldn’t be anywhere near as enjoyable, if I didn’t have the wonderful and diverse network of blog-buddies I’ve come to know over this past year, so I’d like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for making my experience of blogging so rewarding and enjoyable.

I consider my blogging to be an extension of my self expression, my personal domain, my safe-place, somewhere to express my thoughts and feelings and to share with others some of the things that I find interesting, funny or annoying.

Thanks for sharing with me your thoughts and opinions in the comment box (even if they do differ from mine) and via email/Facebook etc…. and most of all thank you for your friendship, support and encouragement. It is very much appreciated. And that’s not just words.

I especially enjoy the stuff that goes on behind the scenes of the blog, the personal contact, letters, emails etc. Much of it has been facilitated via this little blog of mine where we first *met* and for that I am especially grateful.

Thanks too for sharing yourselves with me, through personal contact, letters, emails and of course, your own beautiful blogs. It gives me a lot of pleasure to read about your own lives and experiences, and isn’t it just so much fun watching each others kids grow (albeit online!) and stuff and reading each others blogs for so long that you come to know one another in a really personal way….even though some of us are practically at opposite ends of the earth?

I find it fascinating.

It fascinates me that after 12 months, so many people still bother to visit this little corner of cyberspace and actually care about what is going on in mine and my family’s life etc, and that you are interested in my thoughts and creativity and stuff. This is what makes blogging so rewarding to me.

The bottom line is that strangers come to care about one another in this thing called cyberspace…and that through frequent and sometimes even intermittent contact, the seeds of friendship are well and truly sown.

I believe social interaction has been totally redefined by blogging.

Mine certainly has.

It’s real and tangible.

You’re real.

I’m real.

The words I write.

The words you read.

The words you write.

The words I read.

We connect

on some level or other.

And I dare to call that friendship.

Over the year we have shared one anothers personal dilemmas and agonies, joys and blessings, we’ve shared about marriages, births, marriage breakdowns, spousal deaths, miscarriages, stillbirths, single parenting struggles, endeavours to live continent and chaste lives etc…all of this is intimately personal stuff we share.

Deeply personal stuff. Real Rap.

And we share it yes as a form of self expression and of trying to make some sense of things, but also because we actually do care about one another and because we choose to reach out to one another both in our times of need, and in our desire to befriend and express compassion to our fellow bloggers.

I think that is pretty fantastic.

So thank you for being there for this past year and I pray that I can be half as encouraging, supportive, understanding and appreciative of all of you, as you have been and continue to be, to me.

Here’s to another year!

Have You Lost Your Mind?!?

Today I woke up extra early - which is odd for a Saturday.

I promised Kyle that I would help him dig out the last of the monster bushes that have plagued our front yard for the past 5 + years. So I'm getting ready to go out and do some yard work when all of the sudden one of my parents come walking down the street - - when I say one of my parents I mean one of the daycare children's parents...

Anyways, she's walking down the street with a look on her face like she's planning on cussing me out or something. So I'm standing there with a spade in my hand waiting...

She walks right up to me - toe to toe, and asks me why I'm not around the corner... I couldn't help but laugh. I start to ask her who the hell she thinks she's talking to, but I stopped myself. Apparently she needed Saturday Care, and was now at my house expecting to receive it. Talk about being crazy.

I try to explain to her that Saturday care is as needed, and must be scheduled in advance - She claims to not know this bit of information, so I show it to her in the handbook (Yes, I keep a handbook with me - one in my bag, one in the car, and one at my house - just in case)...All she can say is "Oh"...

All of the sudden some man (probably in his 50's or so, who said he was her Father) appears behind me, and he starts talking about how I need to get some respect, communicate more, and act more professionally... That's when I loose it. I calmly ask both of those fools how they can even mention the words professionalism and communication, and respect as they stand on my property uninvited on a Effing Saturday Morning demanding care that they have not paid for or scheduled...

They both back down.

I explain to them once again that Saturday care must be Scheduled and paid for in advance. I firmly remind them that ALL Business is to conducted at my place of Business and NOT at my home.

Talk about a crazy start to a Saturday.

Ease on Down the Road...

That's what I'm gonna try and do.

Two days ago I spoke with my sister through a mediator... yes things have gotten that bad. She was allowed to air her grievances with me, and I with her. According to her, "we never had a good relationship", I "betrayed her" (on several occasions, and, according to her, she "has no sister"

Talk about shock and awe...

Well, what can I say. It's true, we never had a decent relationship - at least not a real "sisterly" one... Since the age of six I was forced into the role of surrogate mom since our own mother was no longer in the picture. I was at some times responsible for clothing, bathing and feeding a child when just a child myself... so my relationship with her was more as a mother figure than a sister. So I guess she's right to say that. It's one thing to know it, but it hurts to hear it.

Betrayed... When I asked the mediator to ask her to elaborate, she had no response. But I know (or I at least think I know) where/what she may be talking about... When I was 14 years old I ran away from home, and stayed away for almost 3 years. I wanted - no needed - to escape from that house. I was tired of caring for children. Tired of cooking and cleaning, mending and tending to children. I needed time to be a child... so I ran away. I know it's not the best way to resolve issues, but children do childish things... So I ran away, and stayed with my Aunt, but during that time I had little or no contact with my sister or brothers (my dad felt that I was a bad influence and would/could influence them to follow suit). But the time I returned how I was 17 and a different person. I stayed for a few months, but left 3 months before my 18th birthday to attend college.

I never talked directly to my sister about things that happened to her during those 3 years, but I know that during that time she became sexually active, and had began running the streets. God only knows what else. Over the years she has thrown things in mt face, always relating to when I "left her"... Perhaps she felt abandoned by me.. by the only "mother" she knew. I don't know.

As far as her having no sister. I'm not even really upset by that statement. Especially after her claims of me betraying her. Right now I'm kind of at peace. Part of me feels like now I can truly live my life without having to constantly worry about "her". Since forever I have been taking care of her. I went to a state college so I would still be close. When I had the opportunity to transfer and move to Savanna , GA I didn't because she "needed me". So many times... I did things for her. My husband tried to play an active role in her children's lives so they could know what a real Man was like - caring, loving, supportive, THERE - unlike their own father. And it was all in Vain... If only I knew things would turn out this way.

I had to write this out, to get it out of my head. I'm exhausted. I have to move on though. If she wants to terminate what ever "relationship" we had, then I have to let it be. the mediator suggested counseling - but I've been there and done that, and don't see the point in going through it AGAIN - only for her to not show or "make things right" when she needs me.

I'm through. I no longer need the relationship that we had. I no longer need to feel compelled to care for or love someone only because someone else wronged them. She'll always be my sister, but... I'll leave it at that, and in the mean time I won't carry nothing, That might be a load... Come on, ease on down...Ease on down the road