2009 was alright for me as far as resolutions go. Of the 16 resolutions I made a year ago today, I managed to keep 13 of them… that’s 81%. .. not bad eh?
Most of my resolutions from last year focused on becoming a better person. There were (and still are) lots of things that I needed to come to an end. Things such as worrying, stressing and dysfunctional relationships were consuming my life- I was literally at the breaking point. This year, the resolutions I’ve made will sort of put into action my goals to become better all around, and some of them will remove some of the items listed on my “bucket list” such as swimming.
So, for the year Two Thousand and Ten, I resolve to:
1) Find a new church home, and listen to God’s direction for my life.
2) Sort out who is of real value to me and what my real value is to them.
3) End the toxic relationships in my life – I don’t need them!
4) Invest my time more wisely – Spend more time being quiet and listening.
5) Say what I mean, and mean what I say. I understand this is going to piss a few of you off, so I apologize in advance.
6) Enjoy life by trying new things, and foods (even tofu).
7) Limit my intake of sweets and salt (this will probably be the hardest one)
8) Work out regularly… at least 1 hour a day
9) Spoil myself at least once per month – maybe a new perfume, a spa day, some new shoes… 10) Learn to swim – I’m actually enrolled in an adult swim class – Help me JESUS!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Good Bye 2009!
Good Bye 2009!
It was nice knowing you, but its time that we part ways. 2009, you treated me bad! You brought stress, drama and lots of disappointments when you came into my life 12 months ago. Yes, you did keep some of your promises, but you failed to warm me of the crap you’d also bring my way.
No, no, no, I’m not complaining. I Know I am very fortunate for some of the things that happened in 2009. I was able to not only vote for but see the nation’s first black man become president, I formed new relationships, was able to have a business thrive when other’s failed, and create experiences and memories with my family that I never thought would be possible.
2009, you were hard on me. It seemed like for every step forward, I was forced to take two steps backwards. You left me exhausted many nights (and I’m not talking about the good exhausted either) there were many nights that I cried myself to sleep trying to figure things out….trying to make a way to get through “tomorrow”.
Last year I let my guard down, and allowed people in too close… and I was hurt and betrayed as a result. I became blinded by what I thought was supposed to happen, and became depressed when those things didn’t come to fruition.
2009, what can I say?? I know we weren’t meant to be…at least not forever. You served your purpose, you opened my eyes, and you allowed me to “see the light”. You made me stronger, more resilient… wiser.
Going into 2010, I feel nothing but peace. I am full of hope and excitement, and very eager to finally grab life by its horns. 2010 not only brings a new year, but a new decade...a new chance to be better, to do better.
Wishing myself a happy, prosperous and goal oriented 2010.
It was nice knowing you, but its time that we part ways. 2009, you treated me bad! You brought stress, drama and lots of disappointments when you came into my life 12 months ago. Yes, you did keep some of your promises, but you failed to warm me of the crap you’d also bring my way.
No, no, no, I’m not complaining. I Know I am very fortunate for some of the things that happened in 2009. I was able to not only vote for but see the nation’s first black man become president, I formed new relationships, was able to have a business thrive when other’s failed, and create experiences and memories with my family that I never thought would be possible.
2009, you were hard on me. It seemed like for every step forward, I was forced to take two steps backwards. You left me exhausted many nights (and I’m not talking about the good exhausted either) there were many nights that I cried myself to sleep trying to figure things out….trying to make a way to get through “tomorrow”.
Last year I let my guard down, and allowed people in too close… and I was hurt and betrayed as a result. I became blinded by what I thought was supposed to happen, and became depressed when those things didn’t come to fruition.
2009, what can I say?? I know we weren’t meant to be…at least not forever. You served your purpose, you opened my eyes, and you allowed me to “see the light”. You made me stronger, more resilient… wiser.
Going into 2010, I feel nothing but peace. I am full of hope and excitement, and very eager to finally grab life by its horns. 2010 not only brings a new year, but a new decade...a new chance to be better, to do better.
Wishing myself a happy, prosperous and goal oriented 2010.
Monday, December 21, 2009
That's NOT who I am...
That’s Not who I am…
I swear, I’m not that person…
It’s a case of mistaken identity…
Let me clear the record…
I’m not the mean grouchy, moody person you think I am, well maybe I’m a lil moody, but the other stuff aint me.
I’m not always the downtrodden spirit you see, I’m not always angry, or pissed at someone or something.
I don’t always ignore you, or roll my eyes, suck my teeth, and put my hands on my hips and tune you out…
Despite what you think, I don’t hate you!
BUT
You make it so damn easy!
You make it so easy for me to HATE you.
Loving you makes me moody; it makes me angry…Sometimes I NEED to tune you out!
When you forget me, or the things that I care about, I want to scream. When you act like I don’t exist (until you need me to do something for you) I have to put my hands on my hips to avoid putting them around your neck!
When you call me with some dumb BULL SHIT! Sucking my teeth is the only way I won’t hurt you with my words.
I roll my eyes, because in my mind I’m kicking your ass!
I ignore you, because I try to remember why it is I put up with you.
Yeah, I tend to take my frustrations out on other people and situations, but it’s because I’m pissed. I’m Angry. My spirit becomes weak, and I feel downtrodden…
I get moody, and grouchy and even a little mean with my actions..
but hear me out, let me tell the truth…
My Identity has been stolen, and the person you think I am,
Well... That’s not me.
I swear, I’m not that person…
It’s a case of mistaken identity…
Let me clear the record…
I’m not the mean grouchy, moody person you think I am, well maybe I’m a lil moody, but the other stuff aint me.
I’m not always the downtrodden spirit you see, I’m not always angry, or pissed at someone or something.
I don’t always ignore you, or roll my eyes, suck my teeth, and put my hands on my hips and tune you out…
Despite what you think, I don’t hate you!
BUT
You make it so damn easy!
You make it so easy for me to HATE you.
Loving you makes me moody; it makes me angry…Sometimes I NEED to tune you out!
When you forget me, or the things that I care about, I want to scream. When you act like I don’t exist (until you need me to do something for you) I have to put my hands on my hips to avoid putting them around your neck!
When you call me with some dumb BULL SHIT! Sucking my teeth is the only way I won’t hurt you with my words.
I roll my eyes, because in my mind I’m kicking your ass!
I ignore you, because I try to remember why it is I put up with you.
Yeah, I tend to take my frustrations out on other people and situations, but it’s because I’m pissed. I’m Angry. My spirit becomes weak, and I feel downtrodden…
I get moody, and grouchy and even a little mean with my actions..
but hear me out, let me tell the truth…
My Identity has been stolen, and the person you think I am,
Well... That’s not me.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
He's Three!
Even though you write on my freshly painted walls, and you pull the petals off of my flowers, and you jump on the sofa with your shoes still on, and you disregard practically everything I say.. I still Love you! It's these little things that make you who you are. Happy Birthday Miles I Love You!
It's Amazing - A new outlook on those I used to call amily....
It’s Amazing
A new outlook on those I used to call family
It’s amazing that my family, people I have known for most of my life treat me like I’m less than. It’s amazing that the ones that I confide in, turn around and twist my words to their advantage. It’s amazing that I ever considered these people to be my family. It’s scary that my so called family knows less of my “story” than the people I met last year... What the FUCK! It’s disgusting that I ever called you family! You take me for granted, use me up and then throw me to the side when you’re done. I’d go without to help you, but you’d turn your back on me when I’m in need. You’ve bent over backwards to AVOID me… You’ve gone out of your way to talk about me LIKE A DOG! When I’m in need, you ask “where’s you’re PRIDE?”
I’m ashamed that I called you family, I’m ashamed that I once let you into my life, that I shared with you, and cried with you and told you that you were loved. I’m embarrassed to acknowledge that we share some sort of lineage… blood…marriage… I could have gone without…
So as I approach this New Year, I plan on doing so without you! Without your drama, your stress, your bull shit that irks me in every way imaginable… It's Amazing that I've included you in my life this long...
A new outlook on those I used to call family
It’s amazing that my family, people I have known for most of my life treat me like I’m less than. It’s amazing that the ones that I confide in, turn around and twist my words to their advantage. It’s amazing that I ever considered these people to be my family. It’s scary that my so called family knows less of my “story” than the people I met last year... What the FUCK! It’s disgusting that I ever called you family! You take me for granted, use me up and then throw me to the side when you’re done. I’d go without to help you, but you’d turn your back on me when I’m in need. You’ve bent over backwards to AVOID me… You’ve gone out of your way to talk about me LIKE A DOG! When I’m in need, you ask “where’s you’re PRIDE?”
I’m ashamed that I called you family, I’m ashamed that I once let you into my life, that I shared with you, and cried with you and told you that you were loved. I’m embarrassed to acknowledge that we share some sort of lineage… blood…marriage… I could have gone without…
So as I approach this New Year, I plan on doing so without you! Without your drama, your stress, your bull shit that irks me in every way imaginable… It's Amazing that I've included you in my life this long...
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
What do they Think?
What do they think??
Do people honestly think that if they knock me down I won’t get back up? Do they think that if they take everything away I won’t get it back? Do they think if they push me I wont push Back.. That I won't fight???...
What do people think??
Do they believe that I don’t have what I deserve in life and no matter what they say, do or believe I will continue to get what I deserve?? Do people think for one moment that I don’t or haven’t worked hard for what I have? Do they think I haven’t poured blood, sweat and tears into what I’m dedicated about... over my passions… my dreams?
Do y’all think this shit is easy? Do you think I was just handed everything? Do you think shit fell in my lap? And what if it did, do you think you have the right to take what’s mine?
Well let me tell you something, if you want what I got, you come one and try to take it. I guarantee I WILL put up a fight, and I WILL come out on top.
Stop mistaking my respect for you as weakness…
Go ahead, knock me down. Stab me in the back. Try and take what’s mine. I’ve been through too much shit to let someone like you think that they have the upper hand. Y’all better recognize. Side note..
I had to vent, someone called me today with some bull ish!!!! Aaarrgghhh!
Do people honestly think that if they knock me down I won’t get back up? Do they think that if they take everything away I won’t get it back? Do they think if they push me I wont push Back.. That I won't fight???...
What do people think??
Do they believe that I don’t have what I deserve in life and no matter what they say, do or believe I will continue to get what I deserve?? Do people think for one moment that I don’t or haven’t worked hard for what I have? Do they think I haven’t poured blood, sweat and tears into what I’m dedicated about... over my passions… my dreams?
Do y’all think this shit is easy? Do you think I was just handed everything? Do you think shit fell in my lap? And what if it did, do you think you have the right to take what’s mine?
Well let me tell you something, if you want what I got, you come one and try to take it. I guarantee I WILL put up a fight, and I WILL come out on top.
Stop mistaking my respect for you as weakness…
Go ahead, knock me down. Stab me in the back. Try and take what’s mine. I’ve been through too much shit to let someone like you think that they have the upper hand. Y’all better recognize. Side note..
I had to vent, someone called me today with some bull ish!!!! Aaarrgghhh!
30...but who's counting?
I was born. I’ve witnessed domestic violence. Witnessed my mother “hit the pipe” ate at a homeless shelter, watched our home burn to the ground. I’ve been disowned as a sister, neglected as a child. I’ve listened to doctors tell me that my baby- the one whom I’ll never hold had died. I’ve had 2 cancer scares, eight stitches, 1 stab wound, 1 epidural, 3 tetanus shots – no flu shots, food poisoning, stomach Virus, 4 wisdom teeth extracted, 2 cavities filled and 1 root canal. But here I am – still; standing I’ve tried committing suicide – but my purpose was yet fulfilled…
I’ve had bruises from boyfriends who said they loved me, I’ve been talked about and behind my back by theses who called me their friend or said I was like family. My car has been impounded, my licenses suspended, my credit denied… I’ve been arrested, arraigned, fingerprinted, and incarcerated – but still I smile. I saw my mother die, I heard my father cry…Do you expect me to give up so easily?? I’ve been betrayed, and deceived, used and abused. I’ve held on with everything I had only to have it all snatched away. They called me dumb, stupid, worthless, useless – said there was no hope- just walk away!
What did they think? That I would just disappear? I’ve been through a lot, so much pain, hurt, disappointment, stress, drama, so much despair…I have so many reasons to just give up….
But What I’ve been through isn’t what fills my eyes with tears… It’s what I go through
I’m loved – sometimes more that I am willing or able to love myself. My sins have all been resolved. I’ve been forgiven way more that I’ve forgave. I’ve been hugged by little arms that squeeze so tight, and kissed by tiny wet lips that laugh and giggle when I wipe away their slobber… I am motivated and encouraged by gentle smiles…
I can’t stop now, I’m in too deep. I’m still growing.
I’ve grown so much. Sure I’ll make more mistakes, and choose unwisely, but that’s part of life, and it makes me into the person that I am today. What I thought would take me out has brought me so far….I have so many reasons to keep going…
Its my birthday, and I have so many reasons to celebrate.
I’ve had bruises from boyfriends who said they loved me, I’ve been talked about and behind my back by theses who called me their friend or said I was like family. My car has been impounded, my licenses suspended, my credit denied… I’ve been arrested, arraigned, fingerprinted, and incarcerated – but still I smile. I saw my mother die, I heard my father cry…Do you expect me to give up so easily?? I’ve been betrayed, and deceived, used and abused. I’ve held on with everything I had only to have it all snatched away. They called me dumb, stupid, worthless, useless – said there was no hope- just walk away!
What did they think? That I would just disappear? I’ve been through a lot, so much pain, hurt, disappointment, stress, drama, so much despair…I have so many reasons to just give up….
But What I’ve been through isn’t what fills my eyes with tears… It’s what I go through
I’m loved – sometimes more that I am willing or able to love myself. My sins have all been resolved. I’ve been forgiven way more that I’ve forgave. I’ve been hugged by little arms that squeeze so tight, and kissed by tiny wet lips that laugh and giggle when I wipe away their slobber… I am motivated and encouraged by gentle smiles…
I can’t stop now, I’m in too deep. I’m still growing.
I’ve grown so much. Sure I’ll make more mistakes, and choose unwisely, but that’s part of life, and it makes me into the person that I am today. What I thought would take me out has brought me so far….I have so many reasons to keep going…
Its my birthday, and I have so many reasons to celebrate.
Monday, October 26, 2009
So Sorry
I'm Sorry. I'm sorry that I speak my mind, that I am open with my emotions...that I cry so easily.
I'm sorry that I don't hold back, sorry for being honest, real..sorry for being me.
I'm sorry that I share my feelings, rather than entertain those crazy thoughts that pop into my head from time to time.
I'm sorry that my status updates, my notes, my blog entries, or my e-mails fail to meet your "approval"
I'm sorry that I'm not always so "happy -go-lucky".
So sorry that I don't fit your mold. I'm sorry that I stand out, I'm sorry that I'm so offensive.
But of all the things I'm sorry about, I'm sorry that you refuse to love the real me.
I'm sorry that I don't hold back, sorry for being honest, real..sorry for being me.
I'm sorry that I share my feelings, rather than entertain those crazy thoughts that pop into my head from time to time.
I'm sorry that my status updates, my notes, my blog entries, or my e-mails fail to meet your "approval"
I'm sorry that I'm not always so "happy -go-lucky".
So sorry that I don't fit your mold. I'm sorry that I stand out, I'm sorry that I'm so offensive.
But of all the things I'm sorry about, I'm sorry that you refuse to love the real me.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
One Lump or Two...an Update
Okay, First I gotta give a huge shout out to MommaWheel & Mrs. Davis for showing so much care and concern... Thank You!
So, I went to the Doctor's this evening (actually I'm just getting back... I haven't even removed my shoes). I went for my Back issue, but at the advice of Mommawheel, asked the Dr. to feel me up just a bit.
She did feel the lump and suggested that it may just be fibrocystic breast changes... but she referred me to Einstein Women's Center to have a ultrasound and maybe a mammogram. I guess, we'll see.
As for my back (which is really a back burner issue) I'm still in alot of pain, but I've been praying and trying to focus on God's blessings and what it is he's trying to get my attention for, as I'm sure he doesn't want me dwelling on negative thoughts i.e. me not being able to see Zoe graduate or Miles go to Kindergarten...
Well, That's my story. I'm off to bed, or at least to lie down...we'll see how far I get with that.
So, I went to the Doctor's this evening (actually I'm just getting back... I haven't even removed my shoes). I went for my Back issue, but at the advice of Mommawheel, asked the Dr. to feel me up just a bit.
She did feel the lump and suggested that it may just be fibrocystic breast changes... but she referred me to Einstein Women's Center to have a ultrasound and maybe a mammogram. I guess, we'll see.
As for my back (which is really a back burner issue) I'm still in alot of pain, but I've been praying and trying to focus on God's blessings and what it is he's trying to get my attention for, as I'm sure he doesn't want me dwelling on negative thoughts i.e. me not being able to see Zoe graduate or Miles go to Kindergarten...
Well, That's my story. I'm off to bed, or at least to lie down...we'll see how far I get with that.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
One Lump or Two....I'm Freaking Out!
Okay I'm assuming that this post will provide way too much information, but If I don't write it out I'll loose my mind.
Today I found a lump.
I found a chick pea sized lump on my left breast, and I am officially freaked out. I woke up this morning with pain that left my left arm almost immobilized, but I managed to make it through the day thinking that maybe I slept funny, or had gotten kicked or punched by Miles in the middle of the night (yes, he still sleeps in the bed with us on occasion, but that another post). Anyway, it wasn't until I got home that I noticed just how severe the pain actually was, I was almost in tears when I picked Miles up and he hugged me a little too tight.
Yes, I do perform self breast exams quite frequently and I have my lady doctor check me out yearly as well, but I have never ever felt this kind of pain outside of breast feeding. It's almost excruciating!
This feels like engorgement - when the mammary glands by expanding veins and the pressure of new breast milk contained within them, but I'm not breastfeeding. I've had blocked ducts in the past, but again I'm not breastfeeding, and I'm not pregnant (at least I don't think so). I'm smack dab in the middle of ovulation, but this is not the normal tenderness I get around this time of the month... I don't smoke, I 'm not on any birth control, I'm not on any meds - not even Tylenol or vitamins...I'm freaking out, I'm concerned, and I'm just a tad bit scared.
What scares me is that My Grandmother was diagnosed with Breast cancer just before her 30th birthday. My mother always complained of breast pains/problems but because of her mental state - and drug usage, she never really took care of her self and got things checked out...God only knows what she had!! ughhhhh
So here I am 60 days away from my 30th and I wake up with a damn lump in my breast, AND PAIN UNDER MY GOD DAMNED UNDERARM!!!!. What the FUCK!?!?!
Yes, I'll call my Gynecologist, but in the meanwhile I think I will go to the hospital, maybe they'll give me an ultrasound or something...
I'll keep you posted.
Today I found a lump.
I found a chick pea sized lump on my left breast, and I am officially freaked out. I woke up this morning with pain that left my left arm almost immobilized, but I managed to make it through the day thinking that maybe I slept funny, or had gotten kicked or punched by Miles in the middle of the night (yes, he still sleeps in the bed with us on occasion, but that another post). Anyway, it wasn't until I got home that I noticed just how severe the pain actually was, I was almost in tears when I picked Miles up and he hugged me a little too tight.
Yes, I do perform self breast exams quite frequently and I have my lady doctor check me out yearly as well, but I have never ever felt this kind of pain outside of breast feeding. It's almost excruciating!
This feels like engorgement - when the mammary glands by expanding veins and the pressure of new breast milk contained within them, but I'm not breastfeeding. I've had blocked ducts in the past, but again I'm not breastfeeding, and I'm not pregnant (at least I don't think so). I'm smack dab in the middle of ovulation, but this is not the normal tenderness I get around this time of the month... I don't smoke, I 'm not on any birth control, I'm not on any meds - not even Tylenol or vitamins...I'm freaking out, I'm concerned, and I'm just a tad bit scared.
What scares me is that My Grandmother was diagnosed with Breast cancer just before her 30th birthday. My mother always complained of breast pains/problems but because of her mental state - and drug usage, she never really took care of her self and got things checked out...God only knows what she had!! ughhhhh
So here I am 60 days away from my 30th and I wake up with a damn lump in my breast, AND PAIN UNDER MY GOD DAMNED UNDERARM!!!!. What the FUCK!?!?!
Yes, I'll call my Gynecologist, but in the meanwhile I think I will go to the hospital, maybe they'll give me an ultrasound or something...
I'll keep you posted.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Untitled...for various reasons
Today stated out fine. I woke up with enough time to get everything done, and make it out to work on time.
I got an e-mail from a friend that had me feeling good, and a face book update from another that made me smile. I was feeling good.
And then I got a phone call, from you, someone I don’t care for much telling me about another one of your damn problems.
No, not you, butthe person 'm talking about has a long (and I mean long) history of making decisions and then when things go wrong complaining about the bad hand they've been dealt. Whether its school, housing, finances or birth control choices theyre notorious for not thinking things through.
I'm not concerned with their ill planned decisions, what frustrates me the most is that somehow, someway I always manage to find myself right in the middle of their drama! It never fails. And I am so damned tired of it. I’m tired of the updates on how horrible she has it, or how no one ever has her back.
SHUT UP! You’re too damned old for this crap. Get over yourself, and learn to either make better decisions, or learn from your mistakes, and keep it moving. I mean do you e honestly think that you’re the only person in the world with trials? I mean come on.
You really need to take some time, step outta your shoes and realize/be grateful for what you have instead of searching for this magic cure all. You can have it all, we all can, but you got to let go of some of that crappy ass baggage so you can grab a hold of something better.
[end of rant]
I got an e-mail from a friend that had me feeling good, and a face book update from another that made me smile. I was feeling good.
And then I got a phone call, from you, someone I don’t care for much telling me about another one of your damn problems.
No, not you, butthe person 'm talking about has a long (and I mean long) history of making decisions and then when things go wrong complaining about the bad hand they've been dealt. Whether its school, housing, finances or birth control choices theyre notorious for not thinking things through.
I'm not concerned with their ill planned decisions, what frustrates me the most is that somehow, someway I always manage to find myself right in the middle of their drama! It never fails. And I am so damned tired of it. I’m tired of the updates on how horrible she has it, or how no one ever has her back.
SHUT UP! You’re too damned old for this crap. Get over yourself, and learn to either make better decisions, or learn from your mistakes, and keep it moving. I mean do you e honestly think that you’re the only person in the world with trials? I mean come on.
You really need to take some time, step outta your shoes and realize/be grateful for what you have instead of searching for this magic cure all. You can have it all, we all can, but you got to let go of some of that crappy ass baggage so you can grab a hold of something better.
[end of rant]
Friday, October 2, 2009
Vacation - Here's our Story & we're sticking to it...
Vacation
Let me start by telling you just how much I needed some time to unwind. A LOT!
The Prequel
This year we did things a little different. Instead of working up until the day before vacation, we closed 2 days early and took advantage of a 10 day vacation versus a 7 day. Of course our decision, which was made more than 6 months in advance, was met with objection from a family who claimed not to have received notice of our closing. But UI am so beyond that.
We took full advantage of our extended pre-vacation by packing, forwarding our mail, updating our security and emergency contacts, taking Luna (our dog) to the kennel, cleaning the house – because no one like to come from vacation to a sink full of dishes - and of course just doing nothing…By the time Sunday rolled around I was actually relaxed enough to go back to work…but who do you think your talking to? I wanted more.
Our friend Kendall, who is honestly the best friend any family could have, went out of his way this time. Not only did he WAKE US UP – yes we overslept, but he helped us load seven suitcases, a stroller, a bag full of digital and video cameras, two sleepy and somewhat disgruntled kids into his van. He sat through our ramblings about what we wanted to eat from Dunkin’ Donuts, and drove us safely to the airport. We were officially on vacation!!!
Day 1 – The Wait
Getting there was a breeze, we flew down into Ft. Lauderdale, and I must admit that I actually enjoyed the flight down. Southwest really goes out of their way to make flying hassle free, fun and affordable. Of course my favorite part was the vinyl/leather seats which are a huge plus for me since I’m not really a big fan of fabric furniture – I’ll explain in a later post. I would definitely fly southwest again and again and again. So we arrive in Ft. Lauderdale and were greeted by this sweet little old lady named Rose. I swear she’s like 4 feet 6 inches and 92 pounds. Anyway, rose was the “Travel Coordinator” and was responsible for making sure we got from the airport in Ft. Lauderdale to the Cruise Terminal in Miami safe, comfortable and in style.
Now if you remember the last time we were in Miami was horrid! Everything about Miami irked me. The humidity, the rude ass lady on the airport loudspeaker only speaking Spanish, the nasty baggage guys everything… This time I made an effort to avoid all contact with anyone living or working in Miami- say what you will, but it worked…no one was nasty or rude or rubbed me the wrong way… of course they’re probably blogging about some nasty girl from Philadelphia who couldn’t even give eye contact. Ha!
So after several unnecessary searches and exhaustingly long lines we made it! We boarded Carnival Valor and were setting sail for a Seven Day Western Caribbean cruise.
Day 2 – Fun Day at Sea
Truer words have never been spoken. After a few times down the mind eraser (the water slide) I was really at peace. I forgot all about work, about the angry parent who said we didn’t tell her we would be closed, the bills, the dog…I forgot about everything! Each trip – and there were plenty - to the soft serve ice cream machine made me feel like a kid again. We seriously spent the first 24 hours on board eating, jumping and splashing in the pool, running across the hot deck like a lizard in the dessert, and exploring the ship. By the end of the evening, everyone was exhausted. Kyle & Zoe were in a dance induced coma, while Miles and I had the worst case of ice cream tongue.
Day 3 – Grand Cayman Island
We started our day with ice cream, and then went on a guided tour around the Island of Grand Cayman. I gotta tell you… riding around town on the left side was super scary. Each and every intersection had my stomach in knots, there were a few times I thought I would have to check my drawers… But I gotta give it to our tour guide Mark. This dude was whipping a 15 passenger van like Michael Andretti. We visited the famous 7 mile beach, took in some free rum samples, visited Hell – yes, there’s a town called Hell – and ended up at the Grand Carman Turtle Farm , where we (well, actually Kyle and the Kids) snatched turtles straight outta the water . There were chances to pet 400lb turtles and even taste turtle soup. No, I didn’t try any, but Miles and Kyle were very brave… said it tasted like chicken…lol
Day 4 – Isla Rotan
This was by far our favorite port. At the advice of the Ship’s excursion desk we booked a beach day at Tabayan Beach. This is the most beautiful serene beach that I have ever visited – and that’s not the monkey lala’s talking either. The sands were pristine white and as soft as silk, the waters were so crystal clear that you could actually see the tropical fish swim against your feet. Zoë Miles & Kyle were snorkeling at the reef while I learned to float – yeah I know I’m a bit too old to have just learned to float. But when I was floating I felt so close to God. Everything seemed so calm, so quiet, and so just right. All I could hear was the muffled voices of children laughing and my own thoughts…It was amazing…and since I managed to move my arms, therefore moving myself across the water, I was technically swimming. J
Last year we fell in love with the old world charm of Key West, this year we fell in love with the quaintness of Isla Rotan.
Day 5 – Belize City, Belize
After a 30-45 minute tender boat ride that left my butt tender I was exhausted, but I must admit, that Belize was better than I had expected. We originally decided to stay on the ship because we were afraid of bot fly larvae carrying mosquitoes. Armed with a can of Off mosquito repellent, extra long socks and pants (I’m sure we looked like complete idiots) we were ready to venture out and see what Belize had to offer. We were greeted by Frank, a local entrepreneur trying to earn income by offering tours of his city. I had my reservations about getting into a car in a foreign land with a stranger, but Kyle was okay with the idea, so we went with it (Kyle usually isn’t wrong with his intuition). For 40$ Frank gave us a 1 hour tour around Belize city, showing us the countries oldest church – equipped with shackle post for slaves, the oldest standing house, as well as new construction. He showed us the primary schools, outdoor markets, and even his own home. Frank definitely gave us the best bang for our buck, and he even treated Kyle to a Belkin – the countries beer.
Day 6 – Cozumel Mexico
Since this was our second time visiting Cozumel, Kyle and I already knew what we wanted to do. We rented a jeep from Alamo and toured the island on our own. We went to Playa Mia where we soaked up the sun, played in the sand, ate quesada’s and got massages.
Afterwards, we traveled across the Island to the San Gervasio - an archaelogical site of the pre-columbian Maya civilization, located at the approximate center of the island. It was one of those things that you feel compelled to visit, just because its there, but once you get there you’re like, oh, okay… I mean I liked the experience and all, but it was just okay.
We got back to the jeep, and drove around a little more before we got lost. As always Kyle never takes my advice and turns where or where I tell him to turn and we ended up lost – waaayyy on the other side of town. We eventually found someone who actually knew what I was talking about and directed us back to the port. Yes, we get lost quite often. Of course we made it back, and even had enough time to grab a few souvenirs.
Day 7 – Back to Reality
A 7 day vacation is exhausting. I was literally too tired to do anything – except for eat ice cream. The ship had a big party and once again Kyle and Zoe danced until the music went off. We all ended up with sunburn – Miles’ was so bad that he cried, but Shea butter soothed his pain – and we were all ready to go home. We spent much of the evening in the cabin, packing for our trip home. We even ordered room service. By 10:00 we were all lying down watching Wolverine and dozing off. We had conquered vacation once again.
After a five hour long flight from Ft. Lauderdale Philadelphia - with a lay over in Atlanta – We were back home, and back to reality. But we still had one more day of rest and relaxation. Of course we spent it eating ice cream.
Let me start by telling you just how much I needed some time to unwind. A LOT!
The Prequel
This year we did things a little different. Instead of working up until the day before vacation, we closed 2 days early and took advantage of a 10 day vacation versus a 7 day. Of course our decision, which was made more than 6 months in advance, was met with objection from a family who claimed not to have received notice of our closing. But UI am so beyond that.
We took full advantage of our extended pre-vacation by packing, forwarding our mail, updating our security and emergency contacts, taking Luna (our dog) to the kennel, cleaning the house – because no one like to come from vacation to a sink full of dishes - and of course just doing nothing…By the time Sunday rolled around I was actually relaxed enough to go back to work…but who do you think your talking to? I wanted more.
Our friend Kendall, who is honestly the best friend any family could have, went out of his way this time. Not only did he WAKE US UP – yes we overslept, but he helped us load seven suitcases, a stroller, a bag full of digital and video cameras, two sleepy and somewhat disgruntled kids into his van. He sat through our ramblings about what we wanted to eat from Dunkin’ Donuts, and drove us safely to the airport. We were officially on vacation!!!
Day 1 – The Wait
Getting there was a breeze, we flew down into Ft. Lauderdale, and I must admit that I actually enjoyed the flight down. Southwest really goes out of their way to make flying hassle free, fun and affordable. Of course my favorite part was the vinyl/leather seats which are a huge plus for me since I’m not really a big fan of fabric furniture – I’ll explain in a later post. I would definitely fly southwest again and again and again. So we arrive in Ft. Lauderdale and were greeted by this sweet little old lady named Rose. I swear she’s like 4 feet 6 inches and 92 pounds. Anyway, rose was the “Travel Coordinator” and was responsible for making sure we got from the airport in Ft. Lauderdale to the Cruise Terminal in Miami safe, comfortable and in style.
Now if you remember the last time we were in Miami was horrid! Everything about Miami irked me. The humidity, the rude ass lady on the airport loudspeaker only speaking Spanish, the nasty baggage guys everything… This time I made an effort to avoid all contact with anyone living or working in Miami- say what you will, but it worked…no one was nasty or rude or rubbed me the wrong way… of course they’re probably blogging about some nasty girl from Philadelphia who couldn’t even give eye contact. Ha!
So after several unnecessary searches and exhaustingly long lines we made it! We boarded Carnival Valor and were setting sail for a Seven Day Western Caribbean cruise.
Day 2 – Fun Day at Sea
Truer words have never been spoken. After a few times down the mind eraser (the water slide) I was really at peace. I forgot all about work, about the angry parent who said we didn’t tell her we would be closed, the bills, the dog…I forgot about everything! Each trip – and there were plenty - to the soft serve ice cream machine made me feel like a kid again. We seriously spent the first 24 hours on board eating, jumping and splashing in the pool, running across the hot deck like a lizard in the dessert, and exploring the ship. By the end of the evening, everyone was exhausted. Kyle & Zoe were in a dance induced coma, while Miles and I had the worst case of ice cream tongue.
Day 3 – Grand Cayman Island
We started our day with ice cream, and then went on a guided tour around the Island of Grand Cayman. I gotta tell you… riding around town on the left side was super scary. Each and every intersection had my stomach in knots, there were a few times I thought I would have to check my drawers… But I gotta give it to our tour guide Mark. This dude was whipping a 15 passenger van like Michael Andretti. We visited the famous 7 mile beach, took in some free rum samples, visited Hell – yes, there’s a town called Hell – and ended up at the Grand Carman Turtle Farm , where we (well, actually Kyle and the Kids) snatched turtles straight outta the water . There were chances to pet 400lb turtles and even taste turtle soup. No, I didn’t try any, but Miles and Kyle were very brave… said it tasted like chicken…lol
Day 4 – Isla Rotan
This was by far our favorite port. At the advice of the Ship’s excursion desk we booked a beach day at Tabayan Beach. This is the most beautiful serene beach that I have ever visited – and that’s not the monkey lala’s talking either. The sands were pristine white and as soft as silk, the waters were so crystal clear that you could actually see the tropical fish swim against your feet. Zoë Miles & Kyle were snorkeling at the reef while I learned to float – yeah I know I’m a bit too old to have just learned to float. But when I was floating I felt so close to God. Everything seemed so calm, so quiet, and so just right. All I could hear was the muffled voices of children laughing and my own thoughts…It was amazing…and since I managed to move my arms, therefore moving myself across the water, I was technically swimming. J
Last year we fell in love with the old world charm of Key West, this year we fell in love with the quaintness of Isla Rotan.
Day 5 – Belize City, Belize
After a 30-45 minute tender boat ride that left my butt tender I was exhausted, but I must admit, that Belize was better than I had expected. We originally decided to stay on the ship because we were afraid of bot fly larvae carrying mosquitoes. Armed with a can of Off mosquito repellent, extra long socks and pants (I’m sure we looked like complete idiots) we were ready to venture out and see what Belize had to offer. We were greeted by Frank, a local entrepreneur trying to earn income by offering tours of his city. I had my reservations about getting into a car in a foreign land with a stranger, but Kyle was okay with the idea, so we went with it (Kyle usually isn’t wrong with his intuition). For 40$ Frank gave us a 1 hour tour around Belize city, showing us the countries oldest church – equipped with shackle post for slaves, the oldest standing house, as well as new construction. He showed us the primary schools, outdoor markets, and even his own home. Frank definitely gave us the best bang for our buck, and he even treated Kyle to a Belkin – the countries beer.
Day 6 – Cozumel Mexico
Since this was our second time visiting Cozumel, Kyle and I already knew what we wanted to do. We rented a jeep from Alamo and toured the island on our own. We went to Playa Mia where we soaked up the sun, played in the sand, ate quesada’s and got massages.
Afterwards, we traveled across the Island to the San Gervasio - an archaelogical site of the pre-columbian Maya civilization, located at the approximate center of the island. It was one of those things that you feel compelled to visit, just because its there, but once you get there you’re like, oh, okay… I mean I liked the experience and all, but it was just okay.
We got back to the jeep, and drove around a little more before we got lost. As always Kyle never takes my advice and turns where or where I tell him to turn and we ended up lost – waaayyy on the other side of town. We eventually found someone who actually knew what I was talking about and directed us back to the port. Yes, we get lost quite often. Of course we made it back, and even had enough time to grab a few souvenirs.
Day 7 – Back to Reality
A 7 day vacation is exhausting. I was literally too tired to do anything – except for eat ice cream. The ship had a big party and once again Kyle and Zoe danced until the music went off. We all ended up with sunburn – Miles’ was so bad that he cried, but Shea butter soothed his pain – and we were all ready to go home. We spent much of the evening in the cabin, packing for our trip home. We even ordered room service. By 10:00 we were all lying down watching Wolverine and dozing off. We had conquered vacation once again.
After a five hour long flight from Ft. Lauderdale Philadelphia - with a lay over in Atlanta – We were back home, and back to reality. But we still had one more day of rest and relaxation. Of course we spent it eating ice cream.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The longest post ever...well maybe not
Okay…
I’m back. It’s been a while (almost a month) since my last entry. As most of you are aware, I’ve been dealing with –or at least trying to deal with- some issues that have had me emotionally drained. Talk about an emotional setback! Thanks to the prayers and shoulders that I’ve been able to cry upon I’m alright…but things were definitely touch and go for a bit…
When we last spoke, I was “packing”. I was packing for a vacation, as well as packing away some “baggage” that I’d been carrying around way too long. But since then so many things have happened that have shaped my outlook on life, my stance on relationships and the way I trust, believe and even love…
But enough about me, How have things been your way? What have you been up to? I’ve gotten e-mails and phone calls (how did some of you even get my number…I’m kidding) asking me to “blog”. One person even reminded me how therapeutic it was.. I wanted to, so many times but I was afraid that I would lash out on the world, and hurt the feelings of the few friends that I actually have. Little did I know that my silence would further alienate me. But I digress.
Over the next few postings -which I plan on posting between tonight and tomorrow night- I am going to catch you up to speed on what’s been going on in my “fantastical” life. Everything from Vacation, to a relationship which is now dead will be discussed. And yes, I even have a rant that I just have to get out of my system… I promised a friend of mine that I wouldn’t throw any names out there, but I’m pretty sure that if you’re reading one of the posts and you get offended that I’m, probably talking about or to you.
So, until we speak again. Stay breezy…lol
I’m back. It’s been a while (almost a month) since my last entry. As most of you are aware, I’ve been dealing with –or at least trying to deal with- some issues that have had me emotionally drained. Talk about an emotional setback! Thanks to the prayers and shoulders that I’ve been able to cry upon I’m alright…but things were definitely touch and go for a bit…
When we last spoke, I was “packing”. I was packing for a vacation, as well as packing away some “baggage” that I’d been carrying around way too long. But since then so many things have happened that have shaped my outlook on life, my stance on relationships and the way I trust, believe and even love…
But enough about me, How have things been your way? What have you been up to? I’ve gotten e-mails and phone calls (how did some of you even get my number…I’m kidding) asking me to “blog”. One person even reminded me how therapeutic it was.. I wanted to, so many times but I was afraid that I would lash out on the world, and hurt the feelings of the few friends that I actually have. Little did I know that my silence would further alienate me. But I digress.
Over the next few postings -which I plan on posting between tonight and tomorrow night- I am going to catch you up to speed on what’s been going on in my “fantastical” life. Everything from Vacation, to a relationship which is now dead will be discussed. And yes, I even have a rant that I just have to get out of my system… I promised a friend of mine that I wouldn’t throw any names out there, but I’m pretty sure that if you’re reading one of the posts and you get offended that I’m, probably talking about or to you.
So, until we speak again. Stay breezy…lol
Friday, August 28, 2009
Getting Ready
I've been silent long enough... It is not that I haven't had anything to say as much as I can't find the words to express it without lashing out on the world. Let me start by saying that things here have been stressful to say the least. Everything I've known, expected, loved and in some cases believed in has been challenged. So many things have been revealed to me and its left me confused.
But I leave all those stresses and worries behind as I get ready. Not just for vacation but for change that I can believe in. New experiences, challenges, new expectations..new stuff! I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines watching people live the lives that I've wanted (no it's not jealousy). I'm tired of giving advice that I wish I had the balls to take. I'm tired of being afraid to take risks that would make me happy!
So as I sit in silence with my cup of Green Tea I'm mentally packing.
But I leave all those stresses and worries behind as I get ready. Not just for vacation but for change that I can believe in. New experiences, challenges, new expectations..new stuff! I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines watching people live the lives that I've wanted (no it's not jealousy). I'm tired of giving advice that I wish I had the balls to take. I'm tired of being afraid to take risks that would make me happy!
So as I sit in silence with my cup of Green Tea I'm mentally packing.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Don't Lie To Me...
don’t lie to me
we’re not friends…
you made that very clear
with you backbiting
lying
and cheating ways
we’re not “compatible”
we share no common bonds
neither common interest nor hobbies
our kids are not friends…
you don’t know my story
my hut
my pain
my joys
So why lie to me?
why do something so “sacred”?
why place your self on a pedestal when you’re nothing to me?
you’re not that important to me,
not your truths, and especially not your lies….
such a waste of time
of space…of air…of life…of words
and now that I think about you
you know, in the grand scheme of things
YOUR’E INSIGNIFICANT
lie to someone who cares,
but please
don’t lie to me
we’re not friends…
you made that very clear
with you backbiting
lying
and cheating ways
we’re not “compatible”
we share no common bonds
neither common interest nor hobbies
our kids are not friends…
you don’t know my story
my hut
my pain
my joys
So why lie to me?
why do something so “sacred”?
why place your self on a pedestal when you’re nothing to me?
you’re not that important to me,
not your truths, and especially not your lies….
such a waste of time
of space…of air…of life…of words
and now that I think about you
you know, in the grand scheme of things
YOUR’E INSIGNIFICANT
lie to someone who cares,
but please
don’t lie to me
Friday, August 7, 2009
Five Whole Years....
Today marks Five whole years since I decided to go "natural and I could not be happier with my hair.
I was tired of portraying a "false beauty" by straightening and texterizing my hair and I wanted to show my daughter that We/She/I was beautiful just the way God had made me with my kinky/curly/tightly woven hair.
When I decided to chop it all off everyone thought I had lost my mind...especially my mother-in-law, and Kyle wasn't too happy either. I remember Zoe running down the stairs in tears because she thought I was going to cut her hair too...
I went a few months trying to figure out what was "next", wearing Afro's, and even head wraps...but overtime I grew to love my hair. I'm still figuring out what works best for my hair, and what to avoid. I can feel the texture change as I experiment with products, and even styles.
From nappy Afro's, to straight and sleek I love my Hair - which is something I am proud to be able to say...
I was tired of portraying a "false beauty" by straightening and texterizing my hair and I wanted to show my daughter that We/She/I was beautiful just the way God had made me with my kinky/curly/tightly woven hair.
When I decided to chop it all off everyone thought I had lost my mind...especially my mother-in-law, and Kyle wasn't too happy either. I remember Zoe running down the stairs in tears because she thought I was going to cut her hair too...
I went a few months trying to figure out what was "next", wearing Afro's, and even head wraps...but overtime I grew to love my hair. I'm still figuring out what works best for my hair, and what to avoid. I can feel the texture change as I experiment with products, and even styles.
From nappy Afro's, to straight and sleek I love my Hair - which is something I am proud to be able to say...
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Black Women....
We've always known
about the beauty, strength, and love
that we posses
but have you ever seen it?
have you looked at the curl
of your hair?
your lips?
your hips?
have you touched the texture of your skin?
take a close look at our cheekbones
our almond shaped eye and
those lines that tell so much of where we've been, what we've done and where we're going...
our struggles, our pains, our joys our pains.
from 4 feet 9 to 6 feet tall
you're beautiful baby.
so....next time you turn down a compliment, or think of the ways you could change the way you look with perms, hair dyes, excessive make up, girdles, and all that other crap that makes s feel better - only for a little while -
remember your hair - straight, curly or shaved, your brown skin,
your full lips,
and your swaying hips.
remember your high cheek bones
and your eyes that speak words that our tongues dare not utter
remember that you're beautiful baby
about the beauty, strength, and love
that we posses
but have you ever seen it?
have you looked at the curl
of your hair?
your lips?
your hips?
have you touched the texture of your skin?
take a close look at our cheekbones
our almond shaped eye and
those lines that tell so much of where we've been, what we've done and where we're going...
our struggles, our pains, our joys our pains.
from 4 feet 9 to 6 feet tall
you're beautiful baby.
so....next time you turn down a compliment, or think of the ways you could change the way you look with perms, hair dyes, excessive make up, girdles, and all that other crap that makes s feel better - only for a little while -
remember your hair - straight, curly or shaved, your brown skin,
your full lips,
and your swaying hips.
remember your high cheek bones
and your eyes that speak words that our tongues dare not utter
remember that you're beautiful baby
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Happy Blogoversary!
It really doesn’t seem like a year I started blogging….sometimes it feels much longer and other times it seems like only a couple of months since I began, but today I actually celebrate 1 full year of blogging!
Awww hecky naw...lol
Blogging wouldn’t be anywhere near as enjoyable, if I didn’t have the wonderful and diverse network of blog-buddies I’ve come to know over this past year, so I’d like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for making my experience of blogging so rewarding and enjoyable.
I consider my blogging to be an extension of my self expression, my personal domain, my safe-place, somewhere to express my thoughts and feelings and to share with others some of the things that I find interesting, funny or annoying.
Thanks for sharing with me your thoughts and opinions in the comment box (even if they do differ from mine) and via email/Facebook etc…. and most of all thank you for your friendship, support and encouragement. It is very much appreciated. And that’s not just words.
I especially enjoy the stuff that goes on behind the scenes of the blog, the personal contact, letters, emails etc. Much of it has been facilitated via this little blog of mine where we first *met* and for that I am especially grateful.
Thanks too for sharing yourselves with me, through personal contact, letters, emails and of course, your own beautiful blogs. It gives me a lot of pleasure to read about your own lives and experiences, and isn’t it just so much fun watching each others kids grow (albeit online!) and stuff and reading each others blogs for so long that you come to know one another in a really personal way….even though some of us are practically at opposite ends of the earth?
I find it fascinating.
It fascinates me that after 12 months, so many people still bother to visit this little corner of cyberspace and actually care about what is going on in mine and my family’s life etc, and that you are interested in my thoughts and creativity and stuff. This is what makes blogging so rewarding to me.
The bottom line is that strangers come to care about one another in this thing called cyberspace…and that through frequent and sometimes even intermittent contact, the seeds of friendship are well and truly sown.
I believe social interaction has been totally redefined by blogging.
Mine certainly has.
It’s real and tangible.
You’re real.
I’m real.
The words I write.
The words you read.
The words you write.
The words I read.
We connect
on some level or other.
And I dare to call that friendship.
Over the year we have shared one anothers personal dilemmas and agonies, joys and blessings, we’ve shared about marriages, births, marriage breakdowns, spousal deaths, miscarriages, stillbirths, single parenting struggles, endeavours to live continent and chaste lives etc…all of this is intimately personal stuff we share.
Deeply personal stuff. Real Rap.
And we share it yes as a form of self expression and of trying to make some sense of things, but also because we actually do care about one another and because we choose to reach out to one another both in our times of need, and in our desire to befriend and express compassion to our fellow bloggers.
I think that is pretty fantastic.
So thank you for being there for this past year and I pray that I can be half as encouraging, supportive, understanding and appreciative of all of you, as you have been and continue to be, to me.
Here’s to another year!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Have You Lost Your Mind?!?
Today I woke up extra early - which is odd for a Saturday.
I promised Kyle that I would help him dig out the last of the monster bushes that have plagued our front yard for the past 5 + years. So I'm getting ready to go out and do some yard work when all of the sudden one of my parents come walking down the street - - when I say one of my parents I mean one of the daycare children's parents...
Anyways, she's walking down the street with a look on her face like she's planning on cussing me out or something. So I'm standing there with a spade in my hand waiting...
She walks right up to me - toe to toe, and asks me why I'm not around the corner... I couldn't help but laugh. I start to ask her who the hell she thinks she's talking to, but I stopped myself. Apparently she needed Saturday Care, and was now at my house expecting to receive it. Talk about being crazy.
I try to explain to her that Saturday care is as needed, and must be scheduled in advance - She claims to not know this bit of information, so I show it to her in the handbook (Yes, I keep a handbook with me - one in my bag, one in the car, and one at my house - just in case)...All she can say is "Oh"...
All of the sudden some man (probably in his 50's or so, who said he was her Father) appears behind me, and he starts talking about how I need to get some respect, communicate more, and act more professionally... That's when I loose it. I calmly ask both of those fools how they can even mention the words professionalism and communication, and respect as they stand on my property uninvited on a Effing Saturday Morning demanding care that they have not paid for or scheduled...
They both back down.
I explain to them once again that Saturday care must be Scheduled and paid for in advance. I firmly remind them that ALL Business is to conducted at my place of Business and NOT at my home.
Talk about a crazy start to a Saturday.
I promised Kyle that I would help him dig out the last of the monster bushes that have plagued our front yard for the past 5 + years. So I'm getting ready to go out and do some yard work when all of the sudden one of my parents come walking down the street - - when I say one of my parents I mean one of the daycare children's parents...
Anyways, she's walking down the street with a look on her face like she's planning on cussing me out or something. So I'm standing there with a spade in my hand waiting...
She walks right up to me - toe to toe, and asks me why I'm not around the corner... I couldn't help but laugh. I start to ask her who the hell she thinks she's talking to, but I stopped myself. Apparently she needed Saturday Care, and was now at my house expecting to receive it. Talk about being crazy.
I try to explain to her that Saturday care is as needed, and must be scheduled in advance - She claims to not know this bit of information, so I show it to her in the handbook (Yes, I keep a handbook with me - one in my bag, one in the car, and one at my house - just in case)...All she can say is "Oh"...
All of the sudden some man (probably in his 50's or so, who said he was her Father) appears behind me, and he starts talking about how I need to get some respect, communicate more, and act more professionally... That's when I loose it. I calmly ask both of those fools how they can even mention the words professionalism and communication, and respect as they stand on my property uninvited on a Effing Saturday Morning demanding care that they have not paid for or scheduled...
They both back down.
I explain to them once again that Saturday care must be Scheduled and paid for in advance. I firmly remind them that ALL Business is to conducted at my place of Business and NOT at my home.
Talk about a crazy start to a Saturday.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Ease on Down the Road...
That's what I'm gonna try and do.
Two days ago I spoke with my sister through a mediator... yes things have gotten that bad. She was allowed to air her grievances with me, and I with her. According to her, "we never had a good relationship", I "betrayed her" (on several occasions, and, according to her, she "has no sister"
Talk about shock and awe...
Well, what can I say. It's true, we never had a decent relationship - at least not a real "sisterly" one... Since the age of six I was forced into the role of surrogate mom since our own mother was no longer in the picture. I was at some times responsible for clothing, bathing and feeding a child when just a child myself... so my relationship with her was more as a mother figure than a sister. So I guess she's right to say that. It's one thing to know it, but it hurts to hear it.
Betrayed... When I asked the mediator to ask her to elaborate, she had no response. But I know (or I at least think I know) where/what she may be talking about... When I was 14 years old I ran away from home, and stayed away for almost 3 years. I wanted - no needed - to escape from that house. I was tired of caring for children. Tired of cooking and cleaning, mending and tending to children. I needed time to be a child... so I ran away. I know it's not the best way to resolve issues, but children do childish things... So I ran away, and stayed with my Aunt, but during that time I had little or no contact with my sister or brothers (my dad felt that I was a bad influence and would/could influence them to follow suit). But the time I returned how I was 17 and a different person. I stayed for a few months, but left 3 months before my 18th birthday to attend college.
I never talked directly to my sister about things that happened to her during those 3 years, but I know that during that time she became sexually active, and had began running the streets. God only knows what else. Over the years she has thrown things in mt face, always relating to when I "left her"... Perhaps she felt abandoned by me.. by the only "mother" she knew. I don't know.
As far as her having no sister. I'm not even really upset by that statement. Especially after her claims of me betraying her. Right now I'm kind of at peace. Part of me feels like now I can truly live my life without having to constantly worry about "her". Since forever I have been taking care of her. I went to a state college so I would still be close. When I had the opportunity to transfer and move to Savanna , GA I didn't because she "needed me". So many times... I did things for her. My husband tried to play an active role in her children's lives so they could know what a real Man was like - caring, loving, supportive, THERE - unlike their own father. And it was all in Vain... If only I knew things would turn out this way.
I had to write this out, to get it out of my head. I'm exhausted. I have to move on though. If she wants to terminate what ever "relationship" we had, then I have to let it be. the mediator suggested counseling - but I've been there and done that, and don't see the point in going through it AGAIN - only for her to not show or "make things right" when she needs me.
I'm through. I no longer need the relationship that we had. I no longer need to feel compelled to care for or love someone only because someone else wronged them. She'll always be my sister, but... I'll leave it at that, and in the mean time I won't carry nothing, That might be a load... Come on, ease on down...Ease on down the road
Two days ago I spoke with my sister through a mediator... yes things have gotten that bad. She was allowed to air her grievances with me, and I with her. According to her, "we never had a good relationship", I "betrayed her" (on several occasions, and, according to her, she "has no sister"
Talk about shock and awe...
Well, what can I say. It's true, we never had a decent relationship - at least not a real "sisterly" one... Since the age of six I was forced into the role of surrogate mom since our own mother was no longer in the picture. I was at some times responsible for clothing, bathing and feeding a child when just a child myself... so my relationship with her was more as a mother figure than a sister. So I guess she's right to say that. It's one thing to know it, but it hurts to hear it.
Betrayed... When I asked the mediator to ask her to elaborate, she had no response. But I know (or I at least think I know) where/what she may be talking about... When I was 14 years old I ran away from home, and stayed away for almost 3 years. I wanted - no needed - to escape from that house. I was tired of caring for children. Tired of cooking and cleaning, mending and tending to children. I needed time to be a child... so I ran away. I know it's not the best way to resolve issues, but children do childish things... So I ran away, and stayed with my Aunt, but during that time I had little or no contact with my sister or brothers (my dad felt that I was a bad influence and would/could influence them to follow suit). But the time I returned how I was 17 and a different person. I stayed for a few months, but left 3 months before my 18th birthday to attend college.
I never talked directly to my sister about things that happened to her during those 3 years, but I know that during that time she became sexually active, and had began running the streets. God only knows what else. Over the years she has thrown things in mt face, always relating to when I "left her"... Perhaps she felt abandoned by me.. by the only "mother" she knew. I don't know.
As far as her having no sister. I'm not even really upset by that statement. Especially after her claims of me betraying her. Right now I'm kind of at peace. Part of me feels like now I can truly live my life without having to constantly worry about "her". Since forever I have been taking care of her. I went to a state college so I would still be close. When I had the opportunity to transfer and move to Savanna , GA I didn't because she "needed me". So many times... I did things for her. My husband tried to play an active role in her children's lives so they could know what a real Man was like - caring, loving, supportive, THERE - unlike their own father. And it was all in Vain... If only I knew things would turn out this way.
I had to write this out, to get it out of my head. I'm exhausted. I have to move on though. If she wants to terminate what ever "relationship" we had, then I have to let it be. the mediator suggested counseling - but I've been there and done that, and don't see the point in going through it AGAIN - only for her to not show or "make things right" when she needs me.
I'm through. I no longer need the relationship that we had. I no longer need to feel compelled to care for or love someone only because someone else wronged them. She'll always be my sister, but... I'll leave it at that, and in the mean time I won't carry nothing, That might be a load... Come on, ease on down...Ease on down the road
Friday, July 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Tell me what you think...
After a Top Secret Meeting with a Top secret group of gals I came to a conclusion. Well Actually a few conclusions.
1) I realized that I am loved. Not just by God but by these gals who shared their stories and concerns.
2) I realized that I need to get offa my but and work towards things that I want to pursue. Like Photography.
Soooooo I called up a friend (I actually e-mailed her) and got some camera advice and went out and got myself a Nikon D60. I havent been able to put it down. All of the sudden I'm a photography junky...all over again. And I'm loving it.
I took a photo last night that I absolutley love.
Tell me what you think....
1) I realized that I am loved. Not just by God but by these gals who shared their stories and concerns.
2) I realized that I need to get offa my but and work towards things that I want to pursue. Like Photography.
Soooooo I called up a friend (I actually e-mailed her) and got some camera advice and went out and got myself a Nikon D60. I havent been able to put it down. All of the sudden I'm a photography junky...all over again. And I'm loving it.
I took a photo last night that I absolutley love.
Tell me what you think....
Monday, June 29, 2009
My Breakdown...
Today I had a breakdown.
It wasn't like my usual breakdowns - I usually feel them coming on. I was sitting at the drive thru at Burger King waiting for my veggie Burger Value Meal and Mary Mary's Song Yesterday came on the radio. I didnt even know I was crying until the lady in the windor asked me if I was alright.
I was partially embarrased, But Okay.
I tried to drive home, but I got to the point where all I could see ahead of me were tears. I had to pull aside.
By the time I was done I felt so muych better. I felt okay. for the first time in a long time I was okay. My head was clear and I was able to actually listen to what God was saying all along.
I'm not sure if the storm in my life is over or not, but I'm not so anxious over it any longer.
"Either i'm going to trust you or i may as well walk away 'cause stressing don't make it better. Don't make it better, no way. See i decided that i cried my last tear yesterday"
It wasn't like my usual breakdowns - I usually feel them coming on. I was sitting at the drive thru at Burger King waiting for my veggie Burger Value Meal and Mary Mary's Song Yesterday came on the radio. I didnt even know I was crying until the lady in the windor asked me if I was alright.
I was partially embarrased, But Okay.
I tried to drive home, but I got to the point where all I could see ahead of me were tears. I had to pull aside.
By the time I was done I felt so muych better. I felt okay. for the first time in a long time I was okay. My head was clear and I was able to actually listen to what God was saying all along.
I'm not sure if the storm in my life is over or not, but I'm not so anxious over it any longer.
"Either i'm going to trust you or i may as well walk away 'cause stressing don't make it better. Don't make it better, no way. See i decided that i cried my last tear yesterday"
No Comment. Please!
Why is it that so many people feel compelled to comment on things that are sometimes none of their business?
This morning I'm standing in line at Dunkin' Donuts and this guy (who was probably around my age) stands behind me and says "wow! On your neck Though? You must really Love him, huh?". I turned slowly since I wasn't too sure exactly how close he was to me and just looked at him. I really sometimes forget I have tattoos like the one on my neck, or on my shoulder until someone makes a comment on them. He goes on to say how he "don't know if he'll ever love someone like that", "how lucky the dude must be" and even questioning my relationship by asking if the dude has my name on his neck".
By now I'm starting to get a little pissed. I'm trying to ignore him but I guess he's too damn oblivious to notice. I finally turn around and respond by saying "first of all, if you're going to go around reading stuff on people you should at least have the decency to refer to the dude by his name. I mean you can read can't you? and secondly is it any of your business if he has my name on his neck. Now Please, mind your business so I can get my Tea and enjoy the rest of my day".
He backs off, looks down to the floor like he's embarrassed or something and dosen't say anything else. I order my Tea, Pay and I'm out.
No Comment. Please!
This morning I'm standing in line at Dunkin' Donuts and this guy (who was probably around my age) stands behind me and says "wow! On your neck Though? You must really Love him, huh?". I turned slowly since I wasn't too sure exactly how close he was to me and just looked at him. I really sometimes forget I have tattoos like the one on my neck, or on my shoulder until someone makes a comment on them. He goes on to say how he "don't know if he'll ever love someone like that", "how lucky the dude must be" and even questioning my relationship by asking if the dude has my name on his neck".
By now I'm starting to get a little pissed. I'm trying to ignore him but I guess he's too damn oblivious to notice. I finally turn around and respond by saying "first of all, if you're going to go around reading stuff on people you should at least have the decency to refer to the dude by his name. I mean you can read can't you? and secondly is it any of your business if he has my name on his neck. Now Please, mind your business so I can get my Tea and enjoy the rest of my day".
He backs off, looks down to the floor like he's embarrassed or something and dosen't say anything else. I order my Tea, Pay and I'm out.
No Comment. Please!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Do You Remember The Time ?
Do you remember the first time you heard a Michael Jackson hit? I do. I had to be around five years old when my dad brought home the "Off The Wall" LP. I looked at that album cover trying to figure out why it was called "off the wall" when he was clearly leaning ON the wall. I remember My parents dancing and laughing to "Don't Stop till you get enough" but it wasn't until "Rock With you" came on that my five year old mind became forever addicted to Pop.
For as long as I can remember I knew and Loved Michael Jackson. I had the glitter socks, the glove, the doll and even the Thriller Jacket - Man...I was the ish* in Kindergarten! My bedroom was adorned with his posters, all with lip glossed kisses on them of course.
So when I learned of his passing I was heart broken. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. I don't know why...
I almost feel like I lost a family member. The music of Michael Jackson had helped me through so many trying times in my life. When I struggled with the decision to leave a well paying job and chase the dream of entrepreneurship "Do what you wanna do" was on my mind. On the way home from my Mom's funeral, I drove alone in my car and listened to "I'll be there" play on the radio telling myself that she wasn't, no couldn't really be gone. And when I forgot my roots, "The Man In the Mirror" reminded me.
True, I was never a "Smooth Criminal" and I never had the chance to officially "Burn the Disco Out", but I was (and still am) a P.Y.T. I know how it feels when "I just can stop loving you" or when I want to tell the world to "Leave Me Alone". And yes, I even knew a "Dirty Diana" lol
Michael Jackson, I'll miss your music and the way you make me feel - no pun intended-when I hear it. Your magic will live on in the hearts of millions forever and your influence will live on through Usher and Cris Brown when they attempt the Moon Walk,and The cast of when Troy & Chad sang and danced to "The Boys are Back" in HSM. Your beats will be sampled forever because you are and will always be the King!
Michael Jackson, Chances are I will cry. But I will remember your encouraging words to "Ease on Down the Road" forever.
Come on and
Ease on down, ease on down the road
Come on, ease on down
Ease on down the road
Don't you carry nothing
That might be a load
Come on, ease on down
Ease on down the road
Come on, ease on down, ease on down the road
Come on, ease on down, ease on down the road
Don't you carry nothing
That might be a load
Come on, ease on down, ease on down, down the road
Pick your left foot up
When your right foot's down
Come on legs keep movin'
Don't you lose no ground
You just keep on keepin'
On the road that you choose
Don't you give up walkin'
'Cause you gave up shoes, no
Ease on down, ease on down the road
Come on, ease on down
Ease on down the road
Don't you carry nothing
That might be a load
Come on, ease on down
Ease on down the road
'Cause there maybe times
When you think you lost your mind
And the steps you're takin'
Leave you three, four steps behind
But the road you're walking
Might be long sometimes
You just keep on steppin'
And you'll just be fine, yeah
Ease on down, ease on down the road
Come on, ease on down
Ease on down the road
Don't you carry nothing
That might be a load
Come on, ease on down
Ease on down the road
Well there maybe times
When you wish you wasn't born
And you wake one morning
Just to find your courage's gone
But just know that feeling
Only last a little while
You stick with us
And we'll show you how to smile, yeah
Get 'em up, goin' down, ease on down
Get 'em up, goin' down, ease on down
Get 'em up, goin' down, ease on down
Get 'em up, get 'em up ease on down
Friday, June 19, 2009
2 Timothy 1:7
God has NOT given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, and love and discipline
Amen!
If you could only imagine how I needed to hear/read that word.
Amen!
If you could only imagine how I needed to hear/read that word.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Some Nerve!
Excuse me while I take a minute to vent!!! This will be fast and I promise you will contain NO Curse words...
This morning I received an e-mail from some one suggesting that I hold back some details of my personal life when blogging. They used the words offensive and unnecessary when describing my desire to write about what was going on in my life. They even went as far as saying that I love misery was angry. WOW!
To this person I say this:
First of all, I never even sent you the link to my blog, so the fact that you even read it offends me. Yes, I know that my blog is public and anyone can find it by googling my name, but that's besides the point. If you don't like what I'm saying hit that little X in the top right hand corner of your screen and be gone! As a matter of fact you can even block my blog from ever appearing on your computer.
I will not apologize for anything that I blog about. If you think that my thoughts and feelings are offensive and rude and unnecessary then maybe I'm not the person you thought I was, and perhaps you should re-evaluate our relationship.
You really have some nerve.
No I'm not miserable, and I don't love misery either, and although I go through stuff that makes me unhappy, I am not an angry person.
But I can think of at least one person who is pissing me off right Now!!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Next time you have a problem with me, call me. Don't send me no e-mail! or better yet come see me about it!. Otherwise keep it moving...
This morning I received an e-mail from some one suggesting that I hold back some details of my personal life when blogging. They used the words offensive and unnecessary when describing my desire to write about what was going on in my life. They even went as far as saying that I love misery was angry. WOW!
To this person I say this:
First of all, I never even sent you the link to my blog, so the fact that you even read it offends me. Yes, I know that my blog is public and anyone can find it by googling my name, but that's besides the point. If you don't like what I'm saying hit that little X in the top right hand corner of your screen and be gone! As a matter of fact you can even block my blog from ever appearing on your computer.
I will not apologize for anything that I blog about. If you think that my thoughts and feelings are offensive and rude and unnecessary then maybe I'm not the person you thought I was, and perhaps you should re-evaluate our relationship.
You really have some nerve.
No I'm not miserable, and I don't love misery either, and although I go through stuff that makes me unhappy, I am not an angry person.
But I can think of at least one person who is pissing me off right Now!!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Next time you have a problem with me, call me. Don't send me no e-mail! or better yet come see me about it!. Otherwise keep it moving...
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
He Provides...
Even when I am at my most stubborn point, when I dismiss everything EVERYONE says, and I completely tune God out and try to do it myself...He Provides.
This time Monday evening we had no reliable means of transportation. Our station wagon was all effed up with two wheel lugs destroyed, and there was something wrong with the brakes on the van. We were screwed - or so I thought.
We were unable to go food shopping, and I couldn't go to class for two days. I felt trapped..and then I got my Summer II and Fall semester bills in the mail - on the same day at that! I could have broke down right there on my porch. I felt the tears building up, but I had Miles in my arms and I didn't want to cry. I silently cried out to God asking "what's Up", "How Much More" and "Why Now?". He didn't answer..or at least I couldn't hear him.
Then today rolled around. After a night of crying and praying I woke up with a headache. I was in no mood to face the day and seriously wanted to stay in the bed. But I got up, and I got on with my day trying to put the events from the past two days behind me. I was exhausted. Early in the morning I received a phone call from Sherman(a mechanic friend of mine, whom I had not spoken to or seen in over a year) he called to see how I was doing. Said he had been praying for me and wanted to check on me. Talk about being On Time!I told him about everything that's been going on and we prayed...right there on the phone, then he told me to get the car in and he'd fix it for us. What a Blessing!
And later in the day a neighbor of ours noticed that the van was parked for the past two days and wanted to know if everything was okay. He's a single dad who is also an out of work mechanic...he took a look at the van, told us what part to get (which cost $12.99)and fixed it for us. He only charged us $40.00... I'm talking about $63 dollars for a Brake Job!
And(now here's the best part y'all) When I get home I look in the mail and find a letter from the college telling me that I qualify for $6,900 in grants..not Loans, GRANTS!
I know someone was praying for my situation. I don't know who, but Thank You! I guess this is God's way of telling/showing me that he's not done with me yet. Even though my worries are not over and sometimes I lack faith, He still provides...
This time Monday evening we had no reliable means of transportation. Our station wagon was all effed up with two wheel lugs destroyed, and there was something wrong with the brakes on the van. We were screwed - or so I thought.
We were unable to go food shopping, and I couldn't go to class for two days. I felt trapped..and then I got my Summer II and Fall semester bills in the mail - on the same day at that! I could have broke down right there on my porch. I felt the tears building up, but I had Miles in my arms and I didn't want to cry. I silently cried out to God asking "what's Up", "How Much More" and "Why Now?". He didn't answer..or at least I couldn't hear him.
Then today rolled around. After a night of crying and praying I woke up with a headache. I was in no mood to face the day and seriously wanted to stay in the bed. But I got up, and I got on with my day trying to put the events from the past two days behind me. I was exhausted. Early in the morning I received a phone call from Sherman(a mechanic friend of mine, whom I had not spoken to or seen in over a year) he called to see how I was doing. Said he had been praying for me and wanted to check on me. Talk about being On Time!I told him about everything that's been going on and we prayed...right there on the phone, then he told me to get the car in and he'd fix it for us. What a Blessing!
And later in the day a neighbor of ours noticed that the van was parked for the past two days and wanted to know if everything was okay. He's a single dad who is also an out of work mechanic...he took a look at the van, told us what part to get (which cost $12.99)and fixed it for us. He only charged us $40.00... I'm talking about $63 dollars for a Brake Job!
And(now here's the best part y'all) When I get home I look in the mail and find a letter from the college telling me that I qualify for $6,900 in grants..not Loans, GRANTS!
I know someone was praying for my situation. I don't know who, but Thank You! I guess this is God's way of telling/showing me that he's not done with me yet. Even though my worries are not over and sometimes I lack faith, He still provides...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Upside Down
Latley it's felt like my world has been turned upside dowm.
For the past 60+ days I've been struggling to deal with many issues, and now I feel like I'm at my breaking point spritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.
Issues such as finances (struggling to keep up with3, yes THREE mortgages) Business (plans not really going how & where I'd planned) and Family (don't even get me started on Family) are on my mind night and day.
I try to stay positive and thank God for those things that I am grateful for, but as soon as I feel the calm, I'm slapped in the face with yet another problem...another God damned issue!
It's hard, y'all...
At times I feel like giving up...I contemplate filing bankruptcy, not showing up for work and telling my family (all of those crazy bastards) to kiss my ass and go to Hell!... but then something tells me to "hold on".
But as I tighten my grip, weight is added to my shoulders and the pain becomes unbearable..I'm slipping...I'm falling...
What am I supposed to do? What would you do when all of your plans, your dreams, your goals, and even your accomplishments go up in smoke? What do you do when you reach that point where your heart has become hardened and your sprit weakend by the stress and dissapointments? What do you do when that encouraging word or scripture is no longer wanted?? No longer encouraging? What happens when you either can't or don't want to hear God's voice??
The noise is so loud... so consuming.
BUt I have no one to blame but myself. Without seeking God, I prayed for patience, and change. And now I sit in the midst of a storm, waiting for more shit to hit the fan. I sit here in a storm watching things and people change so fast, so much, all at once...I sit here in a storm watching as everything I've worked for get blown away.......
Im at a standstil in my life...Nearly 6 months to my 30th birthday and I feel like I dont have my shit togehter... Like a complete failure.
Signing off...
For the past 60+ days I've been struggling to deal with many issues, and now I feel like I'm at my breaking point spritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.
Issues such as finances (struggling to keep up with3, yes THREE mortgages) Business (plans not really going how & where I'd planned) and Family (don't even get me started on Family) are on my mind night and day.
I try to stay positive and thank God for those things that I am grateful for, but as soon as I feel the calm, I'm slapped in the face with yet another problem...another God damned issue!
It's hard, y'all...
At times I feel like giving up...I contemplate filing bankruptcy, not showing up for work and telling my family (all of those crazy bastards) to kiss my ass and go to Hell!... but then something tells me to "hold on".
But as I tighten my grip, weight is added to my shoulders and the pain becomes unbearable..I'm slipping...I'm falling...
What am I supposed to do? What would you do when all of your plans, your dreams, your goals, and even your accomplishments go up in smoke? What do you do when you reach that point where your heart has become hardened and your sprit weakend by the stress and dissapointments? What do you do when that encouraging word or scripture is no longer wanted?? No longer encouraging? What happens when you either can't or don't want to hear God's voice??
The noise is so loud... so consuming.
BUt I have no one to blame but myself. Without seeking God, I prayed for patience, and change. And now I sit in the midst of a storm, waiting for more shit to hit the fan. I sit here in a storm watching things and people change so fast, so much, all at once...I sit here in a storm watching as everything I've worked for get blown away.......
Im at a standstil in my life...Nearly 6 months to my 30th birthday and I feel like I dont have my shit togehter... Like a complete failure.
Signing off...
Friday, June 12, 2009
Evolve...Yeah Right!
"If you only tackle what you know, you'll never grow"
I read these words as I walked into class last Wednesday, and couldn't help but laugh out loud...If you only knew...
Wow! I must be growing cause Lord knows I have no clue what the heck is going on in class. I got my second exam back today and nearly fell out of my seat when I saw the score... A 68?!? what the heck ? It's a shame, but this test was better than the first one, in which I only got a 20...
Stop Laughing, and shaking your head.. It's not funny and I ain't stupid...Yes, I know ain't isn't proper English, but I'm talking 'bout math . LOL
So I'm sitting here wondering what's up... I mean I ain't no dummy...but when it comes to math I loose every time. I just cant figure it out. Yeah I can Count, I can divide and multiply too...but anything outside of that is a loosing battle. But then again, I've never been any good at math. In elementary school I struggled with those stupid greater than and less than signs wondering for hours, no days which number the fish ate first. In middle school I struggled with fractions and figuring out the LCD, in high school it was the Pythagorean theorem... and lets not even talk about sine, cosine and tangent... Help me Jesus!
Over the years I have been encouraged (mostly by math teachers) to get myself a good calculator and use it, but my problem is that I don't even know what half the symbols mean let alone how or when to use them.
Dangit!@ I must have been dropped on the head as a baby... there's no other excuse. I'm good in science (all areas) , and English (although you'd never know since I almost never speak or write in proper English) I can master art and history geography, even psychology...but Math kicks my but each and every chance it gets!
When I married Kyle, I was convinced that my math woes would be over. In fact that was how Kyle and I connected in college. He was a year ahead of me, and knew math like a champ. He taught (or at least tried to teach me) some general math rules like finding the percentage, or the Lowest Common Denominator.... and I helped him with his English papers... One of two things occurred 1) either he wasn't that good of a teacher/tutor, or 2) I was too busy gazing into his light brown eyes... I think it could have been a little bit of both.
In any event I sit here and I wonder what went wrong and when. Why am I not "evolving" when it comes to math?? WHY LORD WHY??? The first day of class had me tricked.. had me thinking that I knew what the teacher was talking about when in reality I'm clueless.
I read these words as I walked into class last Wednesday, and couldn't help but laugh out loud...If you only knew...
Wow! I must be growing cause Lord knows I have no clue what the heck is going on in class. I got my second exam back today and nearly fell out of my seat when I saw the score... A 68?!? what the heck ? It's a shame, but this test was better than the first one, in which I only got a 20...
Stop Laughing, and shaking your head.. It's not funny and I ain't stupid...Yes, I know ain't isn't proper English, but I'm talking 'bout math . LOL
So I'm sitting here wondering what's up... I mean I ain't no dummy...but when it comes to math I loose every time. I just cant figure it out. Yeah I can Count, I can divide and multiply too...but anything outside of that is a loosing battle. But then again, I've never been any good at math. In elementary school I struggled with those stupid greater than and less than signs wondering for hours, no days which number the fish ate first. In middle school I struggled with fractions and figuring out the LCD, in high school it was the Pythagorean theorem... and lets not even talk about sine, cosine and tangent... Help me Jesus!
Over the years I have been encouraged (mostly by math teachers) to get myself a good calculator and use it, but my problem is that I don't even know what half the symbols mean let alone how or when to use them.
Dangit!@ I must have been dropped on the head as a baby... there's no other excuse. I'm good in science (all areas) , and English (although you'd never know since I almost never speak or write in proper English) I can master art and history geography, even psychology...but Math kicks my but each and every chance it gets!
When I married Kyle, I was convinced that my math woes would be over. In fact that was how Kyle and I connected in college. He was a year ahead of me, and knew math like a champ. He taught (or at least tried to teach me) some general math rules like finding the percentage, or the Lowest Common Denominator.... and I helped him with his English papers... One of two things occurred 1) either he wasn't that good of a teacher/tutor, or 2) I was too busy gazing into his light brown eyes... I think it could have been a little bit of both.
In any event I sit here and I wonder what went wrong and when. Why am I not "evolving" when it comes to math?? WHY LORD WHY??? The first day of class had me tricked.. had me thinking that I knew what the teacher was talking about when in reality I'm clueless.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Are You Serious????
I've been having a hard time coming to terms with just how ridiculously stupid some people can be. It's amazing...it really is... and the sad part is that many of these people have children.
Take for example some of the people who come through looking for childcare. Just today, someone came through interested in care for their 10 month old child. I told her that we didn't have any spaces and probably wouldn't be until late June when most of our children leave for the summer.... She seemed to accept that answer. She then went on this long speech about how she is so unhappy with her current daycare provider and has been since January. She claims that they give him food he's allergic to and on and on and on.... she even said that she thinks that there could be some abuse, but wasn't exactly sure on how to address it with the provider... ARE YOU SERIOUS???
First of all, let me tell you this. If my child's teacher/provider knew my child was allergic to something and still gave her the food I would be livid... actually someone would probably be slapped, especially if they became ill. If I thought someone was abusing my child, chances are I would be getting bailed out . only to then Bail Kyle out of jail... And to think that she's been unhappy since January!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS???
So I give her the tour, talk to her about our program, explain her policies, and she's staring at me... Looking at me with that do-do face you know the one when your kid is standing on his/her tippy toes trying to push out a big one... yeah that look...
So I ask her if every thing's okay... and she just looks at me Like I've been speaking Cantonese the entire time... She then asks if she could have the phone numbers of ALL of my parents so that she can call for reference... When I tell her that I don't give out any of my parent's information she gave me another doo-doo face. I tell her that her best reference would probably be the state, since I consider many of the parents here to be friends and she would probably want an unbiased recommendation. So I give her the number to OCD and give her my full name so she can call.
Here we go...another doo doo face... She's apparently not happy with that answer, returns her handbook and all forms back to me, and tells me that she doesn't think that I'm the place for her kid...
I think to myself for a moment and I'm relived that I dodged that bullet... I don't think I could properly care for a kid that they're parents didn't properly care for. I mean who leaves their child somewhere for 6 months when they suspect abuse of all things... ARE YOU SERIOUS?? WAS I JUST PUNK'D??
Take for example some of the people who come through looking for childcare. Just today, someone came through interested in care for their 10 month old child. I told her that we didn't have any spaces and probably wouldn't be until late June when most of our children leave for the summer.... She seemed to accept that answer. She then went on this long speech about how she is so unhappy with her current daycare provider and has been since January. She claims that they give him food he's allergic to and on and on and on.... she even said that she thinks that there could be some abuse, but wasn't exactly sure on how to address it with the provider... ARE YOU SERIOUS???
First of all, let me tell you this. If my child's teacher/provider knew my child was allergic to something and still gave her the food I would be livid... actually someone would probably be slapped, especially if they became ill. If I thought someone was abusing my child, chances are I would be getting bailed out . only to then Bail Kyle out of jail... And to think that she's been unhappy since January!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS???
So I give her the tour, talk to her about our program, explain her policies, and she's staring at me... Looking at me with that do-do face you know the one when your kid is standing on his/her tippy toes trying to push out a big one... yeah that look...
So I ask her if every thing's okay... and she just looks at me Like I've been speaking Cantonese the entire time... She then asks if she could have the phone numbers of ALL of my parents so that she can call for reference... When I tell her that I don't give out any of my parent's information she gave me another doo-doo face. I tell her that her best reference would probably be the state, since I consider many of the parents here to be friends and she would probably want an unbiased recommendation. So I give her the number to OCD and give her my full name so she can call.
Here we go...another doo doo face... She's apparently not happy with that answer, returns her handbook and all forms back to me, and tells me that she doesn't think that I'm the place for her kid...
I think to myself for a moment and I'm relived that I dodged that bullet... I don't think I could properly care for a kid that they're parents didn't properly care for. I mean who leaves their child somewhere for 6 months when they suspect abuse of all things... ARE YOU SERIOUS?? WAS I JUST PUNK'D??
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The Haircut
Today, We took miles to have his first Haircut.
And then came the First Cut! I seriously thought I was going to crap my pants. I mean, I knew what we were here for, but I wasn't expecting it to really happen. It's like he's really a big boy now. Part of me wanted to cry while the other part of me wanted to choke the woman for cutting his hair. Yes, It was an emotional event for me....
Yes, The boy is almost 30 months old, but Kyle's family has a tradition that children don't get their hair cut until they are at least 2 years old, and using full sentences... Miles was officially eligible for his first haircut a few months ago, but we wanted to wait until it was a little warmer out.
Sooooo, this morning we woke up, ate breakfast and explained to miles what was about to go down. He seemed to be okay with it, he even said un-huh when we asked him if he was going to get a haircut today. After breakfast and 50 +minutes of everyone getting ready we went to The Hair Cuttery on Roosevelt Boulevard. We walked in, told the lady what we wanted and she went straight to work. 
First , they washed and conditioned his hair really good with Paul Mitchell Products (who does he think he is??). By now we had a bit of a fan base growing with all the older Hispanic women complementing him on his behaviour (if they only knew) his curly hair and even his eye lashes... Oh Give me a break
Then, it was time to comb it out. He was unusually calm. Normally when I'm trying to do anything to his hair, he's squirming around, trying to change the subject, asking for stuff... but today he was just chilling.
And then came the First Cut! I seriously thought I was going to crap my pants. I mean, I knew what we were here for, but I wasn't expecting it to really happen. It's like he's really a big boy now. Part of me wanted to cry while the other part of me wanted to choke the woman for cutting his hair. Yes, It was an emotional event for me....
A Few More Cuts .... Gina - the stylist - was great! She encouraged Miles all the way telling him that he would be handsomer than he already was, and that no one would recognize the new little man when he walked in the door. If your kid ever needs a scissor cut, I highly recommend Gina! VERY PROFESSIONAL!!
And still more cutting - Look at how calm he looks... Show OFF! - Yes I know the picture is not in focus!
And now look at my baby boy! Looking like a real live little man. Its amazing to see him transform right before my eyes. I mean, he literally went from looking like 2 year old to looking like a four year old in a matter of minutes
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Okay, So It's NOT a Beaver!
But It ain't no rat either.For the past few months I've been going around telling people that there's a beaver in my yard...and of course I get those strange looks, like the one PoppaWheel gave me this morning. Well, I have proof. Unfortunately my proof only proves me wrong. It's not a Beaver, its a Ground Hog, and It's a Big Boy Too!
The first time I saw it (a few months ago) I thought it was a small capybara... Please Stop Laughing.. I'm serious. I had watched something on Animal Planet the night before about the World's Biggest Rodents and I was Freaked Out! Once I determined It wasn't a capybara I was convinced that it was a Beaver. That was until today. I was able to get close up (well as close as I would allow myself) and take a good look at this bad boy. Once I gave it a good look over I realized that the flat tail, and buck teeth were absent...and it looked more like that thing they grab out of the ground every February.
Hey, It's a Groundhog.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Good Night Fishy, Fishy....
Here Fishy Fishy... You were a priceless addition to the Fleming Family, well actually you costs 14 bucks a piece, a price I still can't believe I paid for a Fish I wasn't going to eat. When I saw you at Pet smart you looked like all of the other fish in the water - your tail fin wiggled from side to side, you swam fast to avoid the net, your eyes were bugged out and your lips were pucked as if you were blowing me a kiss.
I'm sorry that your life ended so abruptly. That boy can be so sweet at times and so devious at other times....He didn't know what he was doing, he thought that maybe you needed some hanitizer (as he calls it) he just didn't know that you wouldn't need a whole bottle. I'm sorry that I didn't explain to the girl that leaving the lamp on ALL the time could cause the water temperature to rise to a level that would leave you uncomfortable - especially with all that alcohol floating in the water...
Their intentions were well, but what can I say- - they're not that advanced when it comes to caring for fish.... and apparently neither am I - - I didn't even bother to give you a name...I just called you FISH!
I'll turn off the lamp, and stop staring at you, and since your last few days as a Fleming were excruciatingly painful I'll let you die in peace. I'll do my best to give you a proper burial and I promise not to flush you down the toilet, so long as you promise not to haunt my dreams or house.
Good Night Fishy Fishy...
I'm sorry that your life ended so abruptly. That boy can be so sweet at times and so devious at other times....He didn't know what he was doing, he thought that maybe you needed some hanitizer (as he calls it) he just didn't know that you wouldn't need a whole bottle. I'm sorry that I didn't explain to the girl that leaving the lamp on ALL the time could cause the water temperature to rise to a level that would leave you uncomfortable - especially with all that alcohol floating in the water...
Their intentions were well, but what can I say- - they're not that advanced when it comes to caring for fish.... and apparently neither am I - - I didn't even bother to give you a name...I just called you FISH!
I'll turn off the lamp, and stop staring at you, and since your last few days as a Fleming were excruciatingly painful I'll let you die in peace. I'll do my best to give you a proper burial and I promise not to flush you down the toilet, so long as you promise not to haunt my dreams or house.
Good Night Fishy Fishy...
Go Back to The Projects!!!
Have You ever wanted to shout "Go back to da projects!" to one of your neighbors?
Well, I came REALLY close to it last night...
The Kids were finally asleep, and I'm trying to enjoy some Law and Order when all of the sudden I heard what sounded like a prison break. My neighbors a few houses down were standing in the middle of the street with what looked like crow bars and pipes in their hands...They (who are all above the age of consent, and reason) were standing in their cut offs, and wife beaters (and no Bras of course...yummy) cussing and carrying on. All you hear is F this, and You B That, and M - effer this, and Imma Kick this, and Imma do that. It was ridiculous!
Apparently, there was a group of girls down at the corner that they wanted to fight but were too afraid to confront. So they stood there provoking (or at least trying to) these girls. I go out to gather my lawn tools (I don't want my fingerprints on any shovel or rake used in an incident- I really already have enough crap to worry about, a conviction is not welcome!) and I notice that this group of girls are all WOMEN! most of them my age, and some older, the group even included a few grandmas (you know the ones that are grandma's at like 32) and their loud mouth rowdy rowdy piper kids...
What I don't get is this: If you wanna fight someone so bad why not just do it?? I mean I'm not by nature the type of person who will just run up and hit someone (even though I have in the past), but I ain't no punk either! I'm just saying... My motto is very simple, don't argue with or threaten someone you ain't ready to fight. The other thing I don't understand is why you gotta bring all that drama to the front of your house... Whaddyaretahded?? I mean for real ain't there some saying about not shi**ing where you sleep??
All I'm saying is take that project mentality (the brass knuckles, pipes, and cutoffs) back to the projects with pookie and man-man. It ain't welcome here
Well, I came REALLY close to it last night...
The Kids were finally asleep, and I'm trying to enjoy some Law and Order when all of the sudden I heard what sounded like a prison break. My neighbors a few houses down were standing in the middle of the street with what looked like crow bars and pipes in their hands...They (who are all above the age of consent, and reason) were standing in their cut offs, and wife beaters (and no Bras of course...yummy) cussing and carrying on. All you hear is F this, and You B That, and M - effer this, and Imma Kick this, and Imma do that. It was ridiculous!
Apparently, there was a group of girls down at the corner that they wanted to fight but were too afraid to confront. So they stood there provoking (or at least trying to) these girls. I go out to gather my lawn tools (I don't want my fingerprints on any shovel or rake used in an incident- I really already have enough crap to worry about, a conviction is not welcome!) and I notice that this group of girls are all WOMEN! most of them my age, and some older, the group even included a few grandmas (you know the ones that are grandma's at like 32) and their loud mouth rowdy rowdy piper kids...
What I don't get is this: If you wanna fight someone so bad why not just do it?? I mean I'm not by nature the type of person who will just run up and hit someone (even though I have in the past), but I ain't no punk either! I'm just saying... My motto is very simple, don't argue with or threaten someone you ain't ready to fight. The other thing I don't understand is why you gotta bring all that drama to the front of your house... Whaddyaretahded?? I mean for real ain't there some saying about not shi**ing where you sleep??
All I'm saying is take that project mentality (the brass knuckles, pipes, and cutoffs) back to the projects with pookie and man-man. It ain't welcome here
Friday, May 29, 2009
I need a minute...
to vent!
No, really. I'm in the middle of working, but I just have to "blow off some steam".
I am getting really fed up with some of these parents expecting more than what they're willing to give. Take for an example of of my parents who receives subsidy through the state. She's mandated (as part of her subsidy agreement) to pay a co-pay to supplement what the state (also known as tax payers) pay. Co-Pays are based purely on income, so if you don't earn as much, or if you have no income at all. you have no co-pay.
This woman who has a FIVE dollar co-pay has an excuse EACH and EVERY Monday as to why she can't or shouldn't pay. This week she comes in on Tuesday with some lame ass story about how the schools were closed on Monday so she shouldn't have to pay the full $5, just $4. I politely dismissed her claim, by reminding her that her subsidy agreement requires that she pay the co-pay, and I have to report any unpaid claims - which could lead to her being sanctioned and possibly loosing childcare and or other benefits. She gives me this long F**k You Stare and walks out. Whatever!
Wednesday she comes in and she's all smiles. She asks me if I finished the trip schedule and if we're going the the NJ Aquarium. I reply by telling her that I'm still working on it and would have it for her (and the other parents) by Friday.I go further by telling her that I am not sure if we would go to the Aquarium, since parent participation (PP) (50% or more) would be needed for a trip that big(mainly because it's out of state).
I could see her getting herself all worked up, so I just kept on talking...
No, really. I'm in the middle of working, but I just have to "blow off some steam".
I am getting really fed up with some of these parents expecting more than what they're willing to give. Take for an example of of my parents who receives subsidy through the state. She's mandated (as part of her subsidy agreement) to pay a co-pay to supplement what the state (also known as tax payers) pay. Co-Pays are based purely on income, so if you don't earn as much, or if you have no income at all. you have no co-pay.
This woman who has a FIVE dollar co-pay has an excuse EACH and EVERY Monday as to why she can't or shouldn't pay. This week she comes in on Tuesday with some lame ass story about how the schools were closed on Monday so she shouldn't have to pay the full $5, just $4. I politely dismissed her claim, by reminding her that her subsidy agreement requires that she pay the co-pay, and I have to report any unpaid claims - which could lead to her being sanctioned and possibly loosing childcare and or other benefits. She gives me this long F**k You Stare and walks out. Whatever!
Wednesday she comes in and she's all smiles. She asks me if I finished the trip schedule and if we're going the the NJ Aquarium. I reply by telling her that I'm still working on it and would have it for her (and the other parents) by Friday.I go further by telling her that I am not sure if we would go to the Aquarium, since parent participation (PP) (50% or more) would be needed for a trip that big(mainly because it's out of state).
I could see her getting herself all worked up, so I just kept on talking...
I go on to tell her that we're in the process of getting pricing, and if we can get PP and a decent price that we could possibly include it towards the end of our program.
She interrupts me by asking "So What? You Don't Think that I'mma go with my Baby?" I was stuck y'all. In my mind I'm thinking YOU CANT EVEN PAY 5$ HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO THE AQUARIUM, but I suppress my anger and tell her that based on past years, PP hasn't allowed us to take a very large group out of state. She ends the conversation by gathering her bags (this lady always has ALOT of Shopping Bags) and grabs her "baby" by the arm and yells at him "Let's go!" Whatever!
She interrupts me by asking "So What? You Don't Think that I'mma go with my Baby?" I was stuck y'all. In my mind I'm thinking YOU CANT EVEN PAY 5$ HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO THE AQUARIUM, but I suppress my anger and tell her that based on past years, PP hasn't allowed us to take a very large group out of state. She ends the conversation by gathering her bags (this lady always has ALOT of Shopping Bags) and grabs her "baby" by the arm and yells at him "Let's go!" Whatever!
So Thursday Rolls around and she calls me at 5:53 *sidebar, there are some parents I dread talking to on the phone. They're rude, inconsiderate and sometimes (no most times) I just don't feel like listening to them B&M about something that I can't change) To tell me that she hasn't forgotten her Baby (Yeah, Seriously) I reassure her that I didn't think she forgot him, that she still has time, and not to worry since there are other kids here with him. Her Reply: "Yeah cuz otherwise you'll nickle and dime me for the late charge". Talk about wanting to cuss that woman out! *sidebar - sometimes I consider the "cost" of dealing with a family/child and determine that they're not worth the tuition...I've terminated families who were a hassle in the past and I was thinking that now would be a perfect time to free up a space...
So she arrives at 6:30 on the nose (with MORE Bags) and she half handed me $4 - which is supposed to represent her co-pay, and reminds me that "her baby wasn't there on Monday". I accept the money, and tell her that she should probably notify her subsidy contractor if she's having difficulty paying contractual amount, or if her income/hours have decreased., and she rips into me about how I'm the one riding her for $5 and she has the money, but just doesn't think that its fair that I get paid twice (she's forgetting that her subsidy is deducted bu the amount of her co-pay). She rips another crumpled dollar out of her pocket and hands it to me , mumbling all the while that she makes more money than I ever will, and I better watch myself before she takes her child out of my care. 
***Oh Jesus, Help this lady before I jump down these steps and kick her Ass!" *** I'm already pissed that she's here at 6:30 wasting my time about a damn dollar, but I'm still trying to be in the right... I simply told her that if she feels as though her "baby" isn't receiving the best care that she should probably look elsewhere for childcare...I EVEN RECOMMENDED A PLACE! WHATEVER JUST GET OUTTA MY FACE LADY!!!
So this morning, she comes in, smiling and laughing and asks me how my day's going so far and if I'm glad its Friday and all this other Bovine Fecal Matter. I think back to my former life (when I probably would've smacked her and her damn baby) and then I remembered that my grand momma taught me better than that, and I smiled and nodded...
What a week... What a Nut Job!
Yoga...
Yesterday I resumed my Yoga practice. It was very hard getting back into the "swing of things" when I haven't practiced in over a month. Luckily for me, I was accompanied by a friend who anticipated this class just as much (if not more) than I did.
Starting out was rough. I'm in the downward facing dog position trying to focus my mind and my arms start buckling...but I press on - telling myself that I can do it.
Midway through the work out (screw anyone who says Yoga is not a Workout) and I'm feeling good, My mind is clear, my thoughts are few (with the exception of sandy white beaches and the smell of coconuts) and I'm at peace. No more worry about the bills, the biz,weather or not my kids are bathed...nothing.
On the way back My friend and I had a wonderful conversation. It's funny how you never realize just how much you are alike - even though you're so different. Yes we may have different background, different goals, but there is always a common bond in Christ.
Friend - Thank you for coming out with me... thank you for being honest and thank you for sharing
Starting out was rough. I'm in the downward facing dog position trying to focus my mind and my arms start buckling...but I press on - telling myself that I can do it.
Midway through the work out (screw anyone who says Yoga is not a Workout) and I'm feeling good, My mind is clear, my thoughts are few (with the exception of sandy white beaches and the smell of coconuts) and I'm at peace. No more worry about the bills, the biz,weather or not my kids are bathed...nothing.
On the way back My friend and I had a wonderful conversation. It's funny how you never realize just how much you are alike - even though you're so different. Yes we may have different background, different goals, but there is always a common bond in Christ.
Friend - Thank you for coming out with me... thank you for being honest and thank you for sharing
Thursday, May 28, 2009
"Patricia, You Can Do This"
After an exhausting and emotionally depleting day of working 12 hours, having my work PC finally die on me and listening to one particular kid cry and cray and cry, I straight up needed a pep talk before going into my first class. Already 30 minutes late WITH NO TEXT BOOK I was seriously discouraged, and slightly annoyed.... Instead of taking the elevator I took the stairs to give myself some time to Hear God tell me that I can get through this (plus I needed the exercise). I entered the class, chose a seat and immediately started taking notes. I even surprised myself when I answered a question correctly. I was Like "Dang! I didn't Know I knew that" By the end of the class I was able to get caught up on notes, snag a syllabus and figure out a few homework problems....
Watch Out Now!
Watch Out Now!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Makin' me feel...
Like I'm Not Enough!
(This post has been sitting in my drafts for the past two weeks...but as these feelings come to a head I feel the need to "let it go")
Have you ever had someone or something make you feel inadequate? Maybe your "friend" who gives you that sideways look as you pitch your "big idea"? Maybe your Mother-in-law who constantly criticizes EVERYTHING you do...Maybe your spouse who, even though you know it, doesn't affirm their love for you with those simple words "I love You", I Need You" "Thank you".
For the past two weeks I've been trying to come to terms with my feelings of not being enough. Almost overnight I've turned into this little scared, insecure little thing.
I stood for over an hour staring at myself in the mirror trying to figure it out...is my hair too "kinky"?, are my lips too broad?, maybe my cheekbones are too high...Do I need to loose more than 20 lbs? Should I get my teeth whitened?, maybe its my un-pedicuredtoes...What could it be that prevents people from loving, trusting, being faithful, honest, caring , REAL with me???
I searched the Internet on how to be a better _____________. But in the end I still feel small.
I know exactly what event caused these feelings to re-surface...but i don't care to share the details at this time - just know that I was hurt, and it's left me feeling like I'm not enough!
(This post has been sitting in my drafts for the past two weeks...but as these feelings come to a head I feel the need to "let it go")
Have you ever had someone or something make you feel inadequate? Maybe your "friend" who gives you that sideways look as you pitch your "big idea"? Maybe your Mother-in-law who constantly criticizes EVERYTHING you do...Maybe your spouse who, even though you know it, doesn't affirm their love for you with those simple words "I love You", I Need You" "Thank you".
For the past two weeks I've been trying to come to terms with my feelings of not being enough. Almost overnight I've turned into this little scared, insecure little thing.
I stood for over an hour staring at myself in the mirror trying to figure it out...is my hair too "kinky"?, are my lips too broad?, maybe my cheekbones are too high...Do I need to loose more than 20 lbs? Should I get my teeth whitened?, maybe its my un-pedicuredtoes...What could it be that prevents people from loving, trusting, being faithful, honest, caring , REAL with me???
I searched the Internet on how to be a better _____________. But in the end I still feel small.
I know exactly what event caused these feelings to re-surface...but i don't care to share the details at this time - just know that I was hurt, and it's left me feeling like I'm not enough!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Stand Out
The other day I picked up this CD, not really interested in buying it, but somehow it made it's way into my home... Any ways I was listening to the CD in the background while I was doing "the Books". When this song came on it's like everything got real quiet as if I was supposed to hear them clearly... While the entire song is very relevant, this verse stood out to me the most...
It's about to go down.
The battle has begun.
It's time for you to choose, whose side you gonna be on.
The devil is recruiting, temptin' every man.
But he's already defeated, all we have to do is stand.
No time for mixing light with the darkness.
Be black or be white, no more shades of gray.
Be separated, be holy, no matter what you do, don't bow.
And even if you stand alone, stand anyhow.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Who Is This Man?
Welcome to a new series on my blog called "Who is This Man." This Blog is dedicated to all of the men/boys in my life who surprise me by doing something out of the ordinary. I dunno, maybe folding the laundry, pulling weeds, washing the windows... you name it. If I catch it and it seems out of the ordinary Imma blog it...
This first entry goes out to Kyle (as they will probaly all) who has astounded me not once, but twice in 1 week. This man is on a ball I tell ya...
Who Is this Man?
Why It's Kyle mowing the lawn - True, it took him a looooong time to get the mower started but hey, some of you may call that foreplay...lol
Who Is this Man?
No, No one hit a baby... It's Kyle again, This time he's under the car fixing a hose. Yes, He pinpointed the problem, got the necessary parts and actually fixed the darn thing... Yes, I was worried, not for his safety perse but for the damage that he would cause to the car. But much to my surprise, no shock, no amazement - yeah amazement, he Fixed it and Fixed it right!
You Go Boy!
Now Don't get me wrong.. Its not that I don't think that Kyle is capeable of doing these things... It's just That given his background (he calls Tripple A when he gets a flat or runs out of gas) I am just surprised to see him doing these kids of things. Its a shame but when I saw him fixing the car I immediatley thought of that Deborah Cox song "Theres a Stranger In My House" - too funny.
Dear Daddy....
So I hear that you've added yet another potential brother/sister to this already dysfunctional family... What are we up to now? 11, 12? Can you admit that this is getting just a little lame? I mean seriously..I'm getting a little tired of being confronted by people at Wal-Mart or Old Country Buffet about your "doings". Can you imagine how embarrassing it must be for women (many my age) to walk up to me and show me my brother/sister?? No You Can't there is no way you can.
Just imagine if a whole bunch of guys your age, walked up to you and told you how much fun they had with me... inappropriate right?? Exactly
Grow up man. I;m not saying that you can't do what ever the hell you wanna do, but can you at least keep your private life PRIVATE??
Just imagine if a whole bunch of guys your age, walked up to you and told you how much fun they had with me... inappropriate right?? Exactly
Grow up man. I;m not saying that you can't do what ever the hell you wanna do, but can you at least keep your private life PRIVATE??
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The "Olden Days"
Lately, Zoe has been fascinated with a period in my life that she has conveniently penned the "Olden Days." Coincidentally, these days (back before everyone had a TV or telephone and we all lived in thatched huts) happen when I was around 5 or 6 years old..."you know mommy, back when pop-pop was a baby."
Are You Kidding Me?!?
We'll be driving along and one of my songs would come on the radio and all of the sudden I am flooded with questions like "Mommy, How was it like in the olden days", or "How did you hear this song if you didn't have radios", or "Did you ride bikes to the Movies?" and on, and on, and on...
One day the Girl had the nerve to ask me if I used to make my own clothes!
This fascination was exacerbated when we recently purchased (again) a used van for the daycare. The van has no power anything - heck.. I almost got locked in the car! EVERYTHING is manual - the windows, the locks, the seats. She was absolutely freakin' amazed when I taught her how to roll down the windows and adjust the side view mirrors.. Talk about Shock and Awe!
Poor Baby...
It's funny how the child thinks that I'm a relic of the "olden days". Since you can drive at 16, and go to college at 17, 14 seems like a perfectly good age to "settle down" and have kids. I remember (back in the day) when I used to call my dad old, and how I would talk about being a grandma at 40 (please God, No!), and wonder if all the people in the pictures were wearing Black & White clothes ALL the time...
But that was in the "olden Days", back when me & pop-pop were babies, and everyone had wooden legs...lol
Are You Kidding Me?!?
We'll be driving along and one of my songs would come on the radio and all of the sudden I am flooded with questions like "Mommy, How was it like in the olden days", or "How did you hear this song if you didn't have radios", or "Did you ride bikes to the Movies?" and on, and on, and on...
One day the Girl had the nerve to ask me if I used to make my own clothes!
This fascination was exacerbated when we recently purchased (again) a used van for the daycare. The van has no power anything - heck.. I almost got locked in the car! EVERYTHING is manual - the windows, the locks, the seats. She was absolutely freakin' amazed when I taught her how to roll down the windows and adjust the side view mirrors.. Talk about Shock and Awe!
Poor Baby...
It's funny how the child thinks that I'm a relic of the "olden days". Since you can drive at 16, and go to college at 17, 14 seems like a perfectly good age to "settle down" and have kids. I remember (back in the day) when I used to call my dad old, and how I would talk about being a grandma at 40 (please God, No!), and wonder if all the people in the pictures were wearing Black & White clothes ALL the time...
But that was in the "olden Days", back when me & pop-pop were babies, and everyone had wooden legs...lol
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Lord. I'm Waiting...
I have never been any good at waiting. As a child I expected and sometimes demanded to have things NOW! I never crawled, but walked very early at 9 months of age. Never used training wheels, I went straight to the big league with two-wheelers. As a teenager Id walk rather wait for the bus, wait for a seat and then wait for the driver...and even now as an adult I find myself counting down the minutes...hours...days...until_____. I drove the speed limit yesterday on 76 and I felt like I would die - Yes its that bad!
Now I know exactly where my problem comes form. I have no true discipline, no real respect for authority, So I tend to be a smart a**, a know it all, when in fact I don't know Jack!
As of late I've found myself having to wait and rely on the Lord more than ever. When family problems arise- as they seem to do- I haven't been able to be in the position to swoop down and put that proverbial band aid on it. Instead my hands have been tied - perhaps by the Lord - and I've almost been forced to sit back, be still, listen and wait on God to show (rather than tell) me how to proceed.
Now I'm what feels like a point in my life where I'm ready to move on to that "next chapter" I planned and prepared in advance, for something NEW, something BIG, Something DIFFERENT... But God came in, laughed at all of my silly plans, and put me "back on course". He opened doors to furthering my education so that I could really do what I "planned".
I mistakenly put a period where God put a comma.
So now I sit here with tears burning my eyes- Yes I've been crying all night- Yelling, out! Screaming, pleading with the lord. Lord I'm waiting!
What's strange is that I feel two ways about the whole situation. Part of me feels despair. I cry out because I'm no longer in charge of anything. I'm not in control. I'm still in the game, I'm just not the Quarter Back...I'm more like the Water Boy(Adam Sandler Y'all) - I'm still important, I'm still relevant, I'm just not calling the shots. Another part of me feels relived. I'm excited to see what God has planned fr me. What new possibilities, new adventures, new people will God bring into my life. What new blessings???
Finally I can relax and trust that he'll take care of me...it feels good.
Psalm 119:33-40
Teach me, O Lord, the way of Your Statutes, and I shall keep it to the end.
Give me your understanding, and I shall keep your law; Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart. Make me walk in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it. Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to covetousness. Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive in me your way. Establish your word to your servant, who is devoted to fearing you, Turn away my reproach which I dread, For your judgements are good.
Behold I long for Your precepts; Revive me in your righteousness.
Now I know exactly where my problem comes form. I have no true discipline, no real respect for authority, So I tend to be a smart a**, a know it all, when in fact I don't know Jack!
As of late I've found myself having to wait and rely on the Lord more than ever. When family problems arise- as they seem to do- I haven't been able to be in the position to swoop down and put that proverbial band aid on it. Instead my hands have been tied - perhaps by the Lord - and I've almost been forced to sit back, be still, listen and wait on God to show (rather than tell) me how to proceed.
Now I'm what feels like a point in my life where I'm ready to move on to that "next chapter" I planned and prepared in advance, for something NEW, something BIG, Something DIFFERENT... But God came in, laughed at all of my silly plans, and put me "back on course". He opened doors to furthering my education so that I could really do what I "planned".
I mistakenly put a period where God put a comma.
So now I sit here with tears burning my eyes- Yes I've been crying all night- Yelling, out! Screaming, pleading with the lord. Lord I'm waiting!
What's strange is that I feel two ways about the whole situation. Part of me feels despair. I cry out because I'm no longer in charge of anything. I'm not in control. I'm still in the game, I'm just not the Quarter Back...I'm more like the Water Boy(Adam Sandler Y'all) - I'm still important, I'm still relevant, I'm just not calling the shots. Another part of me feels relived. I'm excited to see what God has planned fr me. What new possibilities, new adventures, new people will God bring into my life. What new blessings???
Finally I can relax and trust that he'll take care of me...it feels good.
Psalm 119:33-40
Teach me, O Lord, the way of Your Statutes, and I shall keep it to the end.
Give me your understanding, and I shall keep your law; Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart. Make me walk in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it. Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to covetousness. Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive in me your way. Establish your word to your servant, who is devoted to fearing you, Turn away my reproach which I dread, For your judgements are good.
Behold I long for Your precepts; Revive me in your righteousness.
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