2009 was alright for me as far as resolutions go. Of the 16 resolutions I made a year ago today, I managed to keep 13 of them… that’s 81%. .. not bad eh?
Most of my resolutions from last year focused on becoming a better person. There were (and still are) lots of things that I needed to come to an end. Things such as worrying, stressing and dysfunctional relationships were consuming my life- I was literally at the breaking point. This year, the resolutions I’ve made will sort of put into action my goals to become better all around, and some of them will remove some of the items listed on my “bucket list” such as swimming.
So, for the year Two Thousand and Ten, I resolve to:
1) Find a new church home, and listen to God’s direction for my life.
2) Sort out who is of real value to me and what my real value is to them.
3) End the toxic relationships in my life – I don’t need them!
4) Invest my time more wisely – Spend more time being quiet and listening.
5) Say what I mean, and mean what I say. I understand this is going to piss a few of you off, so I apologize in advance.
6) Enjoy life by trying new things, and foods (even tofu).
7) Limit my intake of sweets and salt (this will probably be the hardest one)
8) Work out regularly… at least 1 hour a day
9) Spoil myself at least once per month – maybe a new perfume, a spa day, some new shoes… 10) Learn to swim – I’m actually enrolled in an adult swim class – Help me JESUS!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Good Bye 2009!
Good Bye 2009!
It was nice knowing you, but its time that we part ways. 2009, you treated me bad! You brought stress, drama and lots of disappointments when you came into my life 12 months ago. Yes, you did keep some of your promises, but you failed to warm me of the crap you’d also bring my way.
No, no, no, I’m not complaining. I Know I am very fortunate for some of the things that happened in 2009. I was able to not only vote for but see the nation’s first black man become president, I formed new relationships, was able to have a business thrive when other’s failed, and create experiences and memories with my family that I never thought would be possible.
2009, you were hard on me. It seemed like for every step forward, I was forced to take two steps backwards. You left me exhausted many nights (and I’m not talking about the good exhausted either) there were many nights that I cried myself to sleep trying to figure things out….trying to make a way to get through “tomorrow”.
Last year I let my guard down, and allowed people in too close… and I was hurt and betrayed as a result. I became blinded by what I thought was supposed to happen, and became depressed when those things didn’t come to fruition.
2009, what can I say?? I know we weren’t meant to be…at least not forever. You served your purpose, you opened my eyes, and you allowed me to “see the light”. You made me stronger, more resilient… wiser.
Going into 2010, I feel nothing but peace. I am full of hope and excitement, and very eager to finally grab life by its horns. 2010 not only brings a new year, but a new decade...a new chance to be better, to do better.
Wishing myself a happy, prosperous and goal oriented 2010.
It was nice knowing you, but its time that we part ways. 2009, you treated me bad! You brought stress, drama and lots of disappointments when you came into my life 12 months ago. Yes, you did keep some of your promises, but you failed to warm me of the crap you’d also bring my way.
No, no, no, I’m not complaining. I Know I am very fortunate for some of the things that happened in 2009. I was able to not only vote for but see the nation’s first black man become president, I formed new relationships, was able to have a business thrive when other’s failed, and create experiences and memories with my family that I never thought would be possible.
2009, you were hard on me. It seemed like for every step forward, I was forced to take two steps backwards. You left me exhausted many nights (and I’m not talking about the good exhausted either) there were many nights that I cried myself to sleep trying to figure things out….trying to make a way to get through “tomorrow”.
Last year I let my guard down, and allowed people in too close… and I was hurt and betrayed as a result. I became blinded by what I thought was supposed to happen, and became depressed when those things didn’t come to fruition.
2009, what can I say?? I know we weren’t meant to be…at least not forever. You served your purpose, you opened my eyes, and you allowed me to “see the light”. You made me stronger, more resilient… wiser.
Going into 2010, I feel nothing but peace. I am full of hope and excitement, and very eager to finally grab life by its horns. 2010 not only brings a new year, but a new decade...a new chance to be better, to do better.
Wishing myself a happy, prosperous and goal oriented 2010.
Monday, December 21, 2009
That's NOT who I am...
That’s Not who I am…
I swear, I’m not that person…
It’s a case of mistaken identity…
Let me clear the record…
I’m not the mean grouchy, moody person you think I am, well maybe I’m a lil moody, but the other stuff aint me.
I’m not always the downtrodden spirit you see, I’m not always angry, or pissed at someone or something.
I don’t always ignore you, or roll my eyes, suck my teeth, and put my hands on my hips and tune you out…
Despite what you think, I don’t hate you!
BUT
You make it so damn easy!
You make it so easy for me to HATE you.
Loving you makes me moody; it makes me angry…Sometimes I NEED to tune you out!
When you forget me, or the things that I care about, I want to scream. When you act like I don’t exist (until you need me to do something for you) I have to put my hands on my hips to avoid putting them around your neck!
When you call me with some dumb BULL SHIT! Sucking my teeth is the only way I won’t hurt you with my words.
I roll my eyes, because in my mind I’m kicking your ass!
I ignore you, because I try to remember why it is I put up with you.
Yeah, I tend to take my frustrations out on other people and situations, but it’s because I’m pissed. I’m Angry. My spirit becomes weak, and I feel downtrodden…
I get moody, and grouchy and even a little mean with my actions..
but hear me out, let me tell the truth…
My Identity has been stolen, and the person you think I am,
Well... That’s not me.
I swear, I’m not that person…
It’s a case of mistaken identity…
Let me clear the record…
I’m not the mean grouchy, moody person you think I am, well maybe I’m a lil moody, but the other stuff aint me.
I’m not always the downtrodden spirit you see, I’m not always angry, or pissed at someone or something.
I don’t always ignore you, or roll my eyes, suck my teeth, and put my hands on my hips and tune you out…
Despite what you think, I don’t hate you!
BUT
You make it so damn easy!
You make it so easy for me to HATE you.
Loving you makes me moody; it makes me angry…Sometimes I NEED to tune you out!
When you forget me, or the things that I care about, I want to scream. When you act like I don’t exist (until you need me to do something for you) I have to put my hands on my hips to avoid putting them around your neck!
When you call me with some dumb BULL SHIT! Sucking my teeth is the only way I won’t hurt you with my words.
I roll my eyes, because in my mind I’m kicking your ass!
I ignore you, because I try to remember why it is I put up with you.
Yeah, I tend to take my frustrations out on other people and situations, but it’s because I’m pissed. I’m Angry. My spirit becomes weak, and I feel downtrodden…
I get moody, and grouchy and even a little mean with my actions..
but hear me out, let me tell the truth…
My Identity has been stolen, and the person you think I am,
Well... That’s not me.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
He's Three!
Even though you write on my freshly painted walls, and you pull the petals off of my flowers, and you jump on the sofa with your shoes still on, and you disregard practically everything I say.. I still Love you! It's these little things that make you who you are. Happy Birthday Miles I Love You!
It's Amazing - A new outlook on those I used to call amily....
It’s Amazing
A new outlook on those I used to call family
It’s amazing that my family, people I have known for most of my life treat me like I’m less than. It’s amazing that the ones that I confide in, turn around and twist my words to their advantage. It’s amazing that I ever considered these people to be my family. It’s scary that my so called family knows less of my “story” than the people I met last year... What the FUCK! It’s disgusting that I ever called you family! You take me for granted, use me up and then throw me to the side when you’re done. I’d go without to help you, but you’d turn your back on me when I’m in need. You’ve bent over backwards to AVOID me… You’ve gone out of your way to talk about me LIKE A DOG! When I’m in need, you ask “where’s you’re PRIDE?”
I’m ashamed that I called you family, I’m ashamed that I once let you into my life, that I shared with you, and cried with you and told you that you were loved. I’m embarrassed to acknowledge that we share some sort of lineage… blood…marriage… I could have gone without…
So as I approach this New Year, I plan on doing so without you! Without your drama, your stress, your bull shit that irks me in every way imaginable… It's Amazing that I've included you in my life this long...
A new outlook on those I used to call family
It’s amazing that my family, people I have known for most of my life treat me like I’m less than. It’s amazing that the ones that I confide in, turn around and twist my words to their advantage. It’s amazing that I ever considered these people to be my family. It’s scary that my so called family knows less of my “story” than the people I met last year... What the FUCK! It’s disgusting that I ever called you family! You take me for granted, use me up and then throw me to the side when you’re done. I’d go without to help you, but you’d turn your back on me when I’m in need. You’ve bent over backwards to AVOID me… You’ve gone out of your way to talk about me LIKE A DOG! When I’m in need, you ask “where’s you’re PRIDE?”
I’m ashamed that I called you family, I’m ashamed that I once let you into my life, that I shared with you, and cried with you and told you that you were loved. I’m embarrassed to acknowledge that we share some sort of lineage… blood…marriage… I could have gone without…
So as I approach this New Year, I plan on doing so without you! Without your drama, your stress, your bull shit that irks me in every way imaginable… It's Amazing that I've included you in my life this long...
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
What do they Think?
What do they think??
Do people honestly think that if they knock me down I won’t get back up? Do they think that if they take everything away I won’t get it back? Do they think if they push me I wont push Back.. That I won't fight???...
What do people think??
Do they believe that I don’t have what I deserve in life and no matter what they say, do or believe I will continue to get what I deserve?? Do people think for one moment that I don’t or haven’t worked hard for what I have? Do they think I haven’t poured blood, sweat and tears into what I’m dedicated about... over my passions… my dreams?
Do y’all think this shit is easy? Do you think I was just handed everything? Do you think shit fell in my lap? And what if it did, do you think you have the right to take what’s mine?
Well let me tell you something, if you want what I got, you come one and try to take it. I guarantee I WILL put up a fight, and I WILL come out on top.
Stop mistaking my respect for you as weakness…
Go ahead, knock me down. Stab me in the back. Try and take what’s mine. I’ve been through too much shit to let someone like you think that they have the upper hand. Y’all better recognize. Side note..
I had to vent, someone called me today with some bull ish!!!! Aaarrgghhh!
Do people honestly think that if they knock me down I won’t get back up? Do they think that if they take everything away I won’t get it back? Do they think if they push me I wont push Back.. That I won't fight???...
What do people think??
Do they believe that I don’t have what I deserve in life and no matter what they say, do or believe I will continue to get what I deserve?? Do people think for one moment that I don’t or haven’t worked hard for what I have? Do they think I haven’t poured blood, sweat and tears into what I’m dedicated about... over my passions… my dreams?
Do y’all think this shit is easy? Do you think I was just handed everything? Do you think shit fell in my lap? And what if it did, do you think you have the right to take what’s mine?
Well let me tell you something, if you want what I got, you come one and try to take it. I guarantee I WILL put up a fight, and I WILL come out on top.
Stop mistaking my respect for you as weakness…
Go ahead, knock me down. Stab me in the back. Try and take what’s mine. I’ve been through too much shit to let someone like you think that they have the upper hand. Y’all better recognize. Side note..
I had to vent, someone called me today with some bull ish!!!! Aaarrgghhh!
30...but who's counting?
I was born. I’ve witnessed domestic violence. Witnessed my mother “hit the pipe” ate at a homeless shelter, watched our home burn to the ground. I’ve been disowned as a sister, neglected as a child. I’ve listened to doctors tell me that my baby- the one whom I’ll never hold had died. I’ve had 2 cancer scares, eight stitches, 1 stab wound, 1 epidural, 3 tetanus shots – no flu shots, food poisoning, stomach Virus, 4 wisdom teeth extracted, 2 cavities filled and 1 root canal. But here I am – still; standing I’ve tried committing suicide – but my purpose was yet fulfilled…
I’ve had bruises from boyfriends who said they loved me, I’ve been talked about and behind my back by theses who called me their friend or said I was like family. My car has been impounded, my licenses suspended, my credit denied… I’ve been arrested, arraigned, fingerprinted, and incarcerated – but still I smile. I saw my mother die, I heard my father cry…Do you expect me to give up so easily?? I’ve been betrayed, and deceived, used and abused. I’ve held on with everything I had only to have it all snatched away. They called me dumb, stupid, worthless, useless – said there was no hope- just walk away!
What did they think? That I would just disappear? I’ve been through a lot, so much pain, hurt, disappointment, stress, drama, so much despair…I have so many reasons to just give up….
But What I’ve been through isn’t what fills my eyes with tears… It’s what I go through
I’m loved – sometimes more that I am willing or able to love myself. My sins have all been resolved. I’ve been forgiven way more that I’ve forgave. I’ve been hugged by little arms that squeeze so tight, and kissed by tiny wet lips that laugh and giggle when I wipe away their slobber… I am motivated and encouraged by gentle smiles…
I can’t stop now, I’m in too deep. I’m still growing.
I’ve grown so much. Sure I’ll make more mistakes, and choose unwisely, but that’s part of life, and it makes me into the person that I am today. What I thought would take me out has brought me so far….I have so many reasons to keep going…
Its my birthday, and I have so many reasons to celebrate.
I’ve had bruises from boyfriends who said they loved me, I’ve been talked about and behind my back by theses who called me their friend or said I was like family. My car has been impounded, my licenses suspended, my credit denied… I’ve been arrested, arraigned, fingerprinted, and incarcerated – but still I smile. I saw my mother die, I heard my father cry…Do you expect me to give up so easily?? I’ve been betrayed, and deceived, used and abused. I’ve held on with everything I had only to have it all snatched away. They called me dumb, stupid, worthless, useless – said there was no hope- just walk away!
What did they think? That I would just disappear? I’ve been through a lot, so much pain, hurt, disappointment, stress, drama, so much despair…I have so many reasons to just give up….
But What I’ve been through isn’t what fills my eyes with tears… It’s what I go through
I’m loved – sometimes more that I am willing or able to love myself. My sins have all been resolved. I’ve been forgiven way more that I’ve forgave. I’ve been hugged by little arms that squeeze so tight, and kissed by tiny wet lips that laugh and giggle when I wipe away their slobber… I am motivated and encouraged by gentle smiles…
I can’t stop now, I’m in too deep. I’m still growing.
I’ve grown so much. Sure I’ll make more mistakes, and choose unwisely, but that’s part of life, and it makes me into the person that I am today. What I thought would take me out has brought me so far….I have so many reasons to keep going…
Its my birthday, and I have so many reasons to celebrate.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)