You ever do things you know you're gonna regret? Like eat two scoops of butter pecan ice cream knowing darn well you're lactose intolerant? or smell a pair of socks you've found in the corner? like seriously did you think they were clean? you ever answer a call of someone you ain't event wanna talk to? or ask someone how they've been even though you don't really care? Have you ever smelled milk that was well after it's expiration date, or worn a pair of pants that you knew were too tight, or a shirt that was kinda too small, or shoes that were uncomfortable? Have you ever gone somewhere you didn't wanna be, and stayed too long, cause you were too lazy to leave? or eat something that looked weird? you ever comment on something that you realized didn't need commenting ... only after the words left your mouth? you ever say something out loud that you thought you were thinking or something too loud just when the room got all quiet? you ever walk into a glass door, pull a door that said push, turned your car on, and scare yourself because you left the radio on BLAST? you ever stub your toe and let out a string of expletives only to realize that your 2 year old was standing right there? you ever drop your toast butter side down and pick it up? you ever walk over a spill secretly hoping someone else would slip in it? You ever type out a long e-mail to someone but never send it? or burn a letter that detailed everything you've ever felt about a person? you ever cuss someone out by accident? and then have to apologize once you realize they were right? ever wake up late and go to work without brushing your teeth? or worn clothes out of the dryer that had that stinky "i left my clothes in the dryer too long" smell? you ever call out sick even though you weren't really sick? or told someone you didn't love that you loved them? or gave someone a fake hug, or smile? or hugged someone an held your breath because you were afraid of how they might smell? You ever tell someone you didn't care, even though you did? or lie about something you ate? or drink the last of something and leave the empty container in the fridge because you thought it would be funny to watch someone get a cup just to realize there was nothing in the container? (good times, good times).. you ever smile and nod and not know what the hell someone was talking about? or listen to someone tell you something while thinking in your head "this idiot don't know what the hell they're talking about".. You ever stay up real late doing dumb stuff, and then complain about being tired the next morning, or lie about having to get up early just to get out of hanging with someone? you ever go somewhere hoping that you see "that person" or don't go somewhere because you don't wanna see "that person"? You ever take a benadryl just so you can fall asleep? or drink too much and vomit all over the place..You ever have company over and totally forget that you have bras hanging in the bathroom until you go to use the bathroom (after they've used it)? You ever loose your money? your mind? your sense of humor? You ever laugh at something that is not funny..like someone falling? You ever cuss someone out in your head? or cuss at your cat or dog? you ever lie about receiving an email or text message or voice mail? you ever log on face book, see people's statuses and get pissed and vow not to log on again...only to log back on to see what their stupid ass friends had to say about it? you ever get caught in a lie?you ever say something really mean, hurt some one's feelings, and NOT feel guilty? You ever buy a can of paint, paint a room and then hate the color? or buy something didn't need, and then need the exact amount of money you spent on something you didn't need to bu/pay for something you do need... like the phone bill or electric bill.. You ever say "I'll do it" thinking that the other person would say "no, don't worry", but instead they say "wow, thanks" and you get stuck doing something you never wanted to do? You ever spend an insane amount of time doing something completely stupid, like reading or writing a nonsensical post, written by someone who obviously has too much time on their hands?
No? Neither have I...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
How Do You Cope? A letter to my conscious....
How do you cope?
With life when there’s some shit at every turn waiting to knock me down and drag me out… Emotionally…Psychologically…Physically? How do I continue “doing me”, trying to remain positive, and become successful when my world starts to collapse from the inside out. How is it possible to function “normally” when all I see is dysfunction? How did I become the “statistic”. How did I become the “dysfunctional” one in a family of addicts, killers, liars… Hopelessness, Despair, Desperation, all becomes a part of my family name, a “legacy” I am left to carry. How do I cope? Am I to turn a blind eye, and pray that disaster doesn’t knock at my door? Or do I jump in head first and “fight” what seems to be a loosing battle… How do I fight something when I’m not even sure its worth fighting for.. Cry for something that’s been cried for time and time again, carry a burden that I’ve been carrying for much too long. How do I cope? Knowing that it could’ve been me. Was almost me. GOD, WHY WASN’T IT ME!!! How do you deal with your soul screaming out for help? How do you remain strong, resilient, determined when your e dying on the inside? When your emotional stability is shaky, when your psychological well-being is questionable. How do you deal with knowing that you’ve encountered a situation that has no solution, no remedy, no nothing… my grandmother’s tears, my uncle’s burden, my aunt’s situation, my father’s issues, my mother’s lies, have become who I am… who I am becoming…
How do I cope?
With life when there’s some shit at every turn waiting to knock me down and drag me out… Emotionally…Psychologically…Physically? How do I continue “doing me”, trying to remain positive, and become successful when my world starts to collapse from the inside out. How is it possible to function “normally” when all I see is dysfunction? How did I become the “statistic”. How did I become the “dysfunctional” one in a family of addicts, killers, liars… Hopelessness, Despair, Desperation, all becomes a part of my family name, a “legacy” I am left to carry. How do I cope? Am I to turn a blind eye, and pray that disaster doesn’t knock at my door? Or do I jump in head first and “fight” what seems to be a loosing battle… How do I fight something when I’m not even sure its worth fighting for.. Cry for something that’s been cried for time and time again, carry a burden that I’ve been carrying for much too long. How do I cope? Knowing that it could’ve been me. Was almost me. GOD, WHY WASN’T IT ME!!! How do you deal with your soul screaming out for help? How do you remain strong, resilient, determined when your e dying on the inside? When your emotional stability is shaky, when your psychological well-being is questionable. How do you deal with knowing that you’ve encountered a situation that has no solution, no remedy, no nothing… my grandmother’s tears, my uncle’s burden, my aunt’s situation, my father’s issues, my mother’s lies, have become who I am… who I am becoming…
How do I cope?
New Year's Resolution Re-Cap
New Year’s Resolution … Re-Cap
Yes, I do set Resolutions. I like to hold myself accountable. I make goals everyday, but these are generally the “big” or “pressing issues” that I want to overcome/achieve or what have you. Normally I review my “goals for the year” in Mid-June, but this year things got really busy for me around that time. I launched my photography business, and started a new venture that is working pretty well for me. I also resumed classes, and started getting out more…2010 so far has definitely been a good year for me. Anyways, I wanted to share with you all where I am resolution wise. Here’s what was written December 31, 2009
As of today August 24, 2010.. I’ve accomplished 80% of my goals for the year…
Goal #2 was by far the most challenging goal on my list. I let go of a lot of "friends" who were no good for me. , while letting peopleinto my life who were needed... looonnnggg story
#8 is kind of tricky, as I started the year running, and yoga-ing, and spinning, and a whole mess of other “sweat inducing” stunts. But fizzled about mid-year when things like raising a family, attending classes, taking pictures, marketing a new business, took front seat.
As for #1… I honestly don’t see that goal coming to fruition this year. One thing I must say is that I am closer to God. And that means a whole heck more to me than finding a church home I have entered into this strange quiet place with God that I’ve never been before, and oddly enough a small part of me doesn’t want to ruin it with “church”… just the word church puts a sour taste in my mouth.. .ugh...
Anyways, I just wanted to share with you where I was along my journey. I often get comment from people (most of which I don’t know) who seem to be “inspired” by my progress, determination or whatever the see in me that’s inspiring…
Enjoy Life-
Patricia
Yes, I do set Resolutions. I like to hold myself accountable. I make goals everyday, but these are generally the “big” or “pressing issues” that I want to overcome/achieve or what have you. Normally I review my “goals for the year” in Mid-June, but this year things got really busy for me around that time. I launched my photography business, and started a new venture that is working pretty well for me. I also resumed classes, and started getting out more…2010 so far has definitely been a good year for me. Anyways, I wanted to share with you all where I am resolution wise. Here’s what was written December 31, 2009
“2009 was alright for me as far as resolutions go. Of the 16 resolutions I made a year ago today, I managed to keep 13 of them… that’s 81%. .. not bad eh?
Most of my resolutions from last year focused on becoming a better person. There were (and still are) lots of things that I needed to come to an end. Things such as worrying, stressing and dysfunctional relationships were consuming my life- I was literally at the breaking point. This year, the resolutions I’ve made will sort of put into action my goals to become better all around, and some of them will remove some of the items listed on my “bucket list” such as swimming.
So, for the year Two Thousand and Ten, I resolve to:
1) Find a new church home, and listen to God’s direction for my life.
2) Sort out who is of real value to me and what my real value is to them.
3) End the toxic relationships in my life – I don’t need them!
4) Invest my time more wisely – Spend more time being quiet and listening.
5) Say what I mean, and mean what I say. I understand this is going to piss a few of you off, so I apologize in advance.
6) Enjoy life by trying new things, and foods (even tofu).
7) Limit my intake of sweets and salt (this will probably be the hardest one)
8) Work out regularly… at least 1 hour a day
9) Spoil myself at least once per month – maybe a new perfume, a spa day, some new shoes…
10) Learn to swim – I’m actually enrolled in an adult swim class – Help me JESUS!"
As of today August 24, 2010.. I’ve accomplished 80% of my goals for the year…
Goal #2 was by far the most challenging goal on my list. I let go of a lot of "friends" who were no good for me. , while letting peopleinto my life who were needed... looonnnggg story
#8 is kind of tricky, as I started the year running, and yoga-ing, and spinning, and a whole mess of other “sweat inducing” stunts. But fizzled about mid-year when things like raising a family, attending classes, taking pictures, marketing a new business, took front seat.
As for #1… I honestly don’t see that goal coming to fruition this year. One thing I must say is that I am closer to God. And that means a whole heck more to me than finding a church home I have entered into this strange quiet place with God that I’ve never been before, and oddly enough a small part of me doesn’t want to ruin it with “church”… just the word church puts a sour taste in my mouth.. .ugh...
Anyways, I just wanted to share with you where I was along my journey. I often get comment from people (most of which I don’t know) who seem to be “inspired” by my progress, determination or whatever the see in me that’s inspiring…
Enjoy Life-
Patricia
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Rude Boy by Rihanna Translation by GloZell
Check out this video on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2UE-zPbUGY&feature=youtube_gdata
sent from my iPod Touch
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