A Year Already?!?

Wow!

I couldn't believe it when I was reading through some of my old Blogs, but it's true...Its been a whole Year (plus a few days) since I decided to give up meat and become vegetarian. So far life has been good. The most common questions I get are :
1) Why: I simply answer why not?
2) Is your Family also vegetarian: No, they re not. I don't push them to be, and I don't mind cooking meat for them...
3) Do you still eat out at restaurants?: Uh, yeah... Many restaurants have Vegetarian options, you just have to ask.
4) will you eat dishes that were cooked with meat?: Yes, I don't mind picking the steak out of a stir fry dish... or what have you...
5) What do you eat?: (by far the dumbest question I get) I eat the same things you eat, minus the meat. I'm not Vegan (anymore) so I still enjoy Eggs, Milk and my Favorite... Whipped Cream.
6) Isn't A vegetarian Lifestyle more expensive?: Yes, but its worth it.

There are many more questions, but I'll leave it at those 6.

To date I have lost 16 pounds. Mentally I feel great and I look good too. My skin has NEVER been clearer.. and My skin is tighter (ladies, you know what I mean).

What You don't Know about me....

You've think you have me numbered, but you really don't know ANYthing about me.. I don't mean to be rude, just blunt..honest.

You don't know that I love to laugh, I love musicals, I love to read.
My Favorite color is Red, but I HATE wearing red things other than scarves.
My Hands and toes are ALWAYS cold...it has nothing to do with poor circulation.
I can't sleep unless my ears are covered, and I have to sleep with either one or both of my hands in my pants...weird huh?
I don't care for petty conversations.
I think I'm smarter than you.
I LOVE Photography, yes I would do it for FREE!
I hate texting people, but will do it to avoid a stupid conversation.
I'd rather write than talk.
I write everyday...goals, ideas, thoughts, anything really....
I am NO LONGER afraid of drowning!!
I have eleven.. YES !! tattoos, and I plan on getting many more.
I lost a jean size without dieting, just working out... I HATE diets, I honestly think they're stupid..
Sometimes I say really stupid, inappropriate things - - but I often mean what I say.
I'd rather you be honest with me.
I Wish people would stop trying to analyze me... I'm an enigma, you'll never really figure me out.
There are members of my immediate family that I absolutely HATE! Yeah, I know its bad....
I am seriously considering switching religions, this "Christianity" thing has burned me too many times....
I can type pretty fast.
Sometimes I'm an emotional wreck. One minute I'm on cloud nine, the next I'm crying uncontrollably.
I'm a spelling Nazi - It's my mom's fault...
I am afraid of being alone...not for a day or two, I'm talking about dying alone.
I wish more people supported my dreams.
I love my friends...
I don't have too many people I consider friends...
I have more fake friends than real friends...
I love coffee Ice cream, Onion Rings, Heath Bars, Reese's Cups, Snickers Ice Cream Bars, Hot Cheese Popcorn, White Cheese Popcorn, Green Candy, Orange Candy..I don't like Red Candy...
I wish more people knew more about me.
I don't like letting people "in"...

Never Denied

Never Denied…
In all the years I’ve known you, you were never denied.
Yet, you do such a wonderful job at denying me every chance you get.
I just don’t get it…what do you want from me? What am I doing wrong?
You make me feel worthless, useless, unwanted….
I just thought I’d let you know..

Ready, Set, Run! My First 5k

On Sunday March 21, 2010, I will run a 5k.

Its 10:02 pm the night before and I dont really kow how to express my feelings. My stomach is churning (a little) and I'm confused about the D-Tag instructions, but overall I'm okay. I never really wanted to run a 5K, but this is the first step to me running a Marathon (which IS on my "10 Year 100" Things list)... But I also decided to run to support a friend of mine who's goal was to literally "get her rear in gear".. without divulging too much of her business, she's been battling some issues for a while, and promised herself to get to the point in her life where she felt "happy". She did that this past December and has not looked back, she's been running, and zumba-ing, and everything else you can think of.. You Go Gurl!.. I decided to run with her (more for support) and then Kyle got in on the fun (to support me) and now here I am... I havent been on the treadmill all week, but I know I'm able to do it... of all the things I'm worried about, not being hydrated is my #1 fear.. I keep wondering how theyre going to set up the water stations, and if I should accept water from strangers...lol Honestly, I wish I had more people (or any) to come out and support me.. Even though I told everyone about this day months ago, no one has mentioned coming out to support me, and only one person has said good luck... But life goes on, and lack of support has never stopped me before... and now I'm rambling... Yeah, I guess that means I'm nervous....

I'll update tmwr with how things go...

an open ended letter...

I've been holding alot in, biting my tongue trying not to offend thee, but it's not working. I'm sick of your sideways comments, your sly remarks, your fucking backbiting... I'm tired of trying to censor myself around you.. trying not to hurt your feelings when all I'm doing is being myself. I'm unpredictable, yes I know. Sometimes I'm flighty, sometimes i really just don't care... I'm tired of your emails, and text offering advice that I didn't ask for. I'm tired of your invites to stuff that I'm not interested in.. I'm tired of YOU. I guess you think your shit doesn't stink huh? You walk around with your head in your ass, so ignorant to the pain you cause people. You're so selfish, so annoying... so dumb sometimes with your "pearls of wisdom"... You continuously contradict yourself, and you try to give advise on how to hold "yourself accountable"... aarrgghhh... SHUT UP!!! we couldn't be any more different, yet you fail to realize that... We have nothing in common, I don't even consider you a friend.. I don't even now why I deal with you... I need to grow up...

*this is an open ended letter to several people, yet no one in particular.... I 'm just tired of holding it in*

The Call... part 1

Yesterday I got a visitor...

I hadn't talked to her in almost a year, but here she was standing at my doorstep, asking for her "stuff".

My heart skipped a beat,
my breathing became irregular...
I had no idea what I should expect...

Our last conversation had been so nasty, so not like us at all...

I was angry.
What could she want?
Hadn't she done enough damage?
Doesn't she know that I still hurt?!?
What the FUCK!!!

I turned her away. told her I dint have the time...
I'm busy...
I don't care...
Leave me alone!

She walked away,
I closed the door..

My stubbornness stepped aside, and I felt something...
my heart felt again, after almost a year of not feeling...
not caring, not wanting, not nothing....

so,
I called her.
we spoke, we argued, we cried, we cussed, we agreed.
that things had changed,
but shouldn't be this way...
we were both casualties of circumstance...

It wasn't what I expected, nor needed at this time.
I was happy,
without her.
I was better off without her,
I didn't need her.
or, at least that what I had convinced my heart to believe...

I was happy being numb. not caring.. not loving...

and now the wound has been re-opened,
and the pain has flooded back into every crevice of my being....