2010

The first thing that comes to mind is wow! where did the year go?

As the two thousand and ten draws to an end I must admit that I am a little disappointed.   I almost feel as though I could have done so much more this year to make my life  - and the lives around me - more fulfilling.  This year had its highlights.  I reconnected with my sister, and we've maintained a pretty decent relationship (which is a good thing compared to how we were in 2009).  In 2010, I lost friends and gained friends.  I lost money - lots of money- and made plenty of poor decisions.  I've lost control more times than I can count, and at times I've shut down, and kept loved ones out.  I learned many new things: how to make an apple pie from scratch, how to poach an egg, and that I was tough enough to make a roller derby team, I wore a leather corset and purple eyeliner. I ran a 5K,  I cussed, I screamed, I hollered, I stormed out and I've cried - a lot.  I learned to set boundaries, to say NO without guilt, and to stand my ground.  I learned  a great deal about myself.  I learned to accept a compliment.  I blogged, I vlogged, I laughed and I cried. I wrote and published a book,and I even overcame a lifelong fear and took a swim class. 

2010 was indeed a great year for me. 

But, it seems that with every highlight came a blow.   I have virtually no relationship with my in-laws (which I can't really say is a bad thing) , and after being stabbed in the back by someone very close to me, I'm no longer able to trust.  I question people's motives, their reasons for being in my life, and sometimes all this questioning leaves me questioning my own sanity.

I know what I want from life, but it seems lately that I have a very hard time stepping out of my "box" to achieve it.  With all the confidence I've gained I feel so unsure of myself lately.  When I was a the top of my game I had the rug pulled from under me.. and now I question every move - sometimes afraid to make a move.  Its depressing feeling this way. 

Ive stopped caring for things and people the way I used to, thinking that at any moment it can be gone, so to avoid the heartache I pretend not to care(this is the first time I've actually come to terms with these feelings, so if they're all over the place, forgive me)...

I no longer know what to expect.its almost as if I no longer care to expect anything anyways...  But I know I gotta get out of this funk.  I have to shake this mood.  My life depends on it.  My sanity depends on it.  This is NOT a cry for help.  there are many voices in my head, but the one that's the loudest reminds me that I CAN do it.  It (as silly as it sounds) holds my hand and shows me the way when I feel down and out.  I KNOW that I'm capable, that I'm SMART (book & street).  I can recognize my talents and I know my limitations.  And even though there may be times where my cheering section gets thin -as it did this year- I know that people are watching and they are proud of my accomplishments. 

So, this year instead of making many resolutions  I'll just make one.  I resolve to continue listening to that voice.  The one that knows me best, that lights my path and guides my way, and with that inner reassurance I will be a better person. 

Day? um, I 've lost count

Hello Blog!


It’s been almost a month since my last entry. I haven’t forgotten about the 90 in 90, but so much has been going on that having the time to actually sit and write full sentences has been a luxury I haven’t been afforded lately. To be completely honest, I’ve not stayed on task with doing something new everyday, however; I have kept an open mind and attempted to allow new opportunities. The most important thing I’ve done this month was learned something new about myself. I learned that I don’t really do well with long-term assignments. I think I have ADHD. Okay, that’s a pretty lame excuse, but seriously. If I commit to doing something, I feel like I have to do it right then and there.. If I say I’m going to do something in a week, I usually wait until the last minute… I guess my problem is that I am a chronic procrastinator. Tat and I get bored easily. Sad, huh? Imagine how I feel writing it. But anyways, there is some good news in this entry. I have doe a few (key word: few) things this month that I am proud to have accomplished.

For starters I tried out for the Philly Roller Girls, which is a Roller Derby Team. I’ve always wanted to do it, but always got caught up with other obligations. So on November 14th at 11am, I drove out to Camden, NJ and with the support of my family and a few close friends I put my roller skating skills on display. I made it through the finals and got accepted onto the team. I was ecstatic! Even at 30 years old, and after having two children, I was still tough enough to skate with some big jawns - I’m not trying to be offensive – but these women were like 5’ 11 and up and some were definitely well over 200 lbs of solid muscle. The down side to this whole scenario is that although I made the training team, I would not be able to stay with them due to my kid’s swim & tutoring schedule.

Lemme see… what else did I do?

I started a vlog series on YouTube called Rants with Trish and gained 7 subscribers... It started out with me just voicing my anger over various topics -kind of how this blog began- abut evolved into something else... It’s pretty cool.
Two days ago (Sunday) I started a part time job as a studio manager at a portrait company, and was surprised at how much I actually knew. I say that because I never received any formal training in photography, but was able to teach others how to take some pretty awesome pictures. I started to job as something to do that was of immediate interest to me. I really feel alive! Photography is and will always be a passion of mine, and being able to teach others how to do it is the best reward. Not to mention being paid to boss people around

And I guess that’s about it. I didn’t reach my goal of 1 thing each day, but when I look at it, I did pretty good. I mean I started a new Job, began vlogging online and tried out and MADE it onto a team of ass kicking women on wheels. I don’t know ‘bout you, but that’s pretty freaking awesome!

oh, yeah... On Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving) I sat online - as in sat and waited in line - for 2 hours to purhase a laptop, only to decide halfway into it that sitting anouther 3 hours was not worth the $200 I would potentally save.. see, I told you, I'm ADHD

Days 27 - 31 Okay, I'm reloaded

I had to take a few days off to gather my thoughts, and emotions.  Alot of drama -mostly caused by my lack of dealing with issues- had come to a head, and I had to deal with it.  I'm better now, or at least I think I am.
Let me see, we left off at day #25 (which was about a week ago) so we should be at day 31, but to be completely honest I haven't been doing too many new things, siccne I've been trying to shove, push and get rid of some of my old baggage. 

Hmmm, I guess that could be one of the things I did. I finally dealt with some baggage.  I tend to ignore stuff that bothers me in hopes that it'll go away on its own - it never does - but that's how I handle opposition.  I sat myself down, put everything on the table and dealt with each issue one at a time.  I still have alot of things that need to be addressed, but I am definitely making progress.

Lemme see, I marinated some chicken for the family - which was a first.  Well, let me clarify: I've marinated meat in the past, but never with a store packaged type of marinade. I picked up some Island Mango flavored stuff.  IT STUNK TO HIGH HEAVEN!  and it was NAAAASSTYYY.

On Saturday, I went to a Halloween party and get this - I wore a Leather corset!  mmmm mmmm mmmm I don't mean to toot my own horn, But Baby I looked good!  :D  I have honestly never gotten so many compliments.  My make up was good, my hair was hot and my body was BANGING! lol I felt real good too. 

Sunday, which was Halloween,  gave me the opportunity to try a new candy bar.  Yesterday I had my very first Babe Ruth candy bar.  It was alright.  I'm more of a Reece's girl, but at the end of the day chocolate is chocolate.  I doubt I'd buy one for myself, But I can definitely say I gave it a try.

Day 26: Accept a Compliment

Accepting a compliment has always been hard for me.  Its not  that I don't belive the actual comment as much as I don't belive I deserve it.  kinda wierd huh? I wouldnt peg myself as one with low self esteem, but I honestly don't know why I deem myself unworthy of compliments...

If someone compliments my hair, I point out the massive amounts of grey , and make a mental note to dye again.  If someone compliments my jeans, I'll remind them of how much MORE weight I have to loose, to fit into a smaller pair of jeans I have at home... I ALMOST NEVER SAY THANK YOU!

So, today when in the market and several men complimeneted my on my looks.. I said thankyou!  I smiled, I said thank you, and I actually stood there just a little longer than usual so that they could marvel in my beauty just a while longer... it felt good. 

Day 25: I Binged!

Alright, I Know Big.com has been around for like a hunnit years (lol) but I have never used it.  I've always thought that the whole idea of having a bunch of options thrown at me (like Bing says Google does) was kinda cool.  I have a very hard time focusing, and I find it kinda fun to look for "poetry cafe in Philadelphia" and find "wine tasting near Philadelphia".. the way I look at it is like "wow! I didn't know there were wineries nearby - its almost lik ethey were reading my mind, I like wine", yeah I'm real special in that area. 

I'm trying to get better, but when I look for ways to focus, too many options are thrown at me lol...

Anyways, today (Sunday April 24,th) I used bing.com for the very first time.  I saw a commercial and was like "lemme give it a try".  I DON'T LIKE IT! its like talking to someone who only wants to talk about one thing.  I like conversations that start with "what did you eat for lunch" and end with "and that's why I don't say the Pledge of Allegiance" I personally like wondering how we got on this subject, so when I Binged ( that doesn't even sound right) ""poetry cafe in Philadelphia" - because I would really like to go to a spoken word thingy, I got frustrated... I don't know why, but I don't like bing.

As you can probably tell, I've spent the past three days in front of the computer.  Etsy.com, ebay.com bing.com plus a whole bunch that I'm too ashamed/embarrassed to admit.

Day 24: Selling my car on Ebay

I love my red Ford Taurus Station wagon.  I really do.  It was the first car I've gotten from a dealership - my previous cars (and cars since then) have been purchased from private sellers, or auctions.  That car never gave me any problems, but latley its been going through some issues that cost more than I can afford to shell out to fix at this time.  The power steering is gone, the cooling system needs to be flushed, it needs a tune up, and it needs brakes.  As much as I'd love to keep it and continue driving it off into the sunset, my finances won't allow me to do that, so today, after much consideration, and haggling I decided to post it for sale on ebay.com.  A small part of me is hoping that it gets sold so that the future owner can invest the money and time into giving my baby a second chance, but then there's another psrt of me - a much bigger part - that secretly hopes that the listing expires with no bids.  I WANNA KEEP MY CAR! 

I guess only time will tell . 

Day 23: Created an Etsy.com account

I missed a few days, as I was dealing with some issues, but I'm back.

Okay, let's see, today (actually Saturday) I created an etsy.com account and listed a few of my fine art prints for sale.  The whole registration process was very simple, anbd I was set up and ready for sales in a matter of minutes.  Etsy.com is different than ebay.com because yuo're allowed to set a fixed price, and all items must be handmade and original.  A friend of mine sells some handmade items on etsy, but I'd never given any thought to the idea of listing and selling my own art work.  So I listed a few items, and I eagerly await my first sale.  If you'd like, take a moment or two to check out my shop at http://www.etsy.com/shop/devynedesigns.

Day 22: Ran (ok, ok, we walked at a fast pace) at 5am

I am actually writing this post a day after, because for the first time in a very long time I allowed myself to be sick.  Its not that I don't get sick - well, I really don't - but when I do get sick I normally force myself better, by working through whatever ails me.  But yesterday I was sick.  I laid down and went to sleep. 

But anyways, Yesterday I Ran at 5am.  Which was a first for me.  I decided that I wanted to pick up running again, so I called out to a few of my friends, and was lucky when one called back.  So I woke up, got myself ready and went walking.  By 6am, we had walked a mile, talked about everything, and we were done.  By 7am I was energized, and ready for more.. of course that whole excitement ran out by noon, when I began feeling sick... buy 5PM, I was down for the count.

Day 21: Ask for Help

I have Pride issues.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  Sometimes my issues of pride get in the way of me actually accomplishing what I need to do.  There has been numerous occasions where I went without, simply because I was too prideful to ask for help.  I assumed (and kinda still do) that to ask for help is a sign of weakness.  In my mind, I should be able to handle anything thrown at me.  My mother was on drugs, my dad was a womanizer, I practically had to raise myself...what's the big deal if I need help paying a bill or need a ride somewhere?  I mean, that's small stuff compared to some of the things I've overcome. 

I guess I need to grow up...

Anyways, today I asked for help.  I almost started to cry when doing so, but I maintained all composure.  I had been hitting a wall on a problem for the past year, and things started to get out of control.  I was loosing too much!  I asked for help.  I thought I would be belittled or ridiculed for needing help, but I wasn't.  I need to do that more often.

Day 20: Listen to a Friend - Without interjecting

Day 19: Research it a bit further

Okay, I have a confession. 

My name is Trish and - oh, this is hard to say...

My Name is Trish and I rarely do any research.

I don't comparison shop.

I don't read instructions or directions...

I don't know why I don't, but I don't.  I never have.  If I have an idea, I run with it - full speed, arms wailing, screaming "watch out, here I come!"... I've been this way for as long as I can remember. 

Take for instance my last car purchase.  I saw it online, went into the dealership, and was prepared to pay full price for it.  t never dawned on me, not even once to maybe take the car for a spin, or negotiate the price.  Thank goodness my husband was there to provide some kind of reason.  When I bought my camera, I walked into Bestbuy and paid the ticketed price for the camera..I knew nothing about it, just knew I had to have it - no,  I have yet to read the 20$ guidebook I purchased which was supposed to tell me how to use it. 

Just the other day while cleaning up, I stumbled upon the operation manual for the Wii.  I thumbed through the pages, and found out that the Wii could take a SD card and act as a picture viewer as well as a media player for music.... I felt kinda dumb not knowing this very simple bit of information about a system that I've owned for almost 2 years.

So, today while looking for a Photoshop class/workshop, instead of jumping on the first program that was local, I decided to do a lil research.  I must admit that doing research is a tad bit boring.  It's tedious, and very time consuming.  There were many times that I felt like unplugging the computer altogether and taking a walk to get a candy apple.  But, I persevered.  I held on to my sanity, and I found a workshop that was 1) closer, 2) more affordable, and 3) worked with my schedule.  I guess it kinda paid off. 

Day 18: Wear Colored Eyeliner

Yes, I am thirty years old, but this year is the first year that I've actually explored the whole make up thing seriously.  In the past I may have messed around in foundation (and when I say messed around, I mean made a mess of my face...I looked like a porcelain doll once), fooled around in blush (are black women even supposed to wear blush?) and dabbled in a little eyeshadow here and there..  But when I turned 30 something was awakened in me, and all of the sudden I wanted to wear make up all the time.  I didn't need it to feel pretty, but to feel sexy.  I started with the eyeshadow,spending countless dollars trying to get just the right match.. and then I stumbled upon concealer - that took some getting used to, as I wasn't quite sure where it should go.. I mean what was I trying to conceal? A friend told me about base which, I am still not too sure how it works, or what it works for.. but it works - I think...

Throughout out my adventures, I noticed or should I say learned how to properly apply eyeliner, mostly by watching YouTube videos, but also by quietly watching and borderline stalking other's eye make up applications... I learned the smokey eye effect - not too sure if I like it though, I learned how to make my eyes look softer or more dramatic, and then the other day I learned that if used properly a little color could make my eyes an accessory.  Now, before you go running around telling everybody that Trish is some kinda fashionista STOP!  Let me remind you that this year (just a few days ago) was the first time that I wore those long dangly necklaces that girls wear.  Very seldom do I wear nail polish...but I'm learning, and the saying is those who know better do better.. trust me I'm trying. 

I watched a few YouTube tutorials on colored eyeliner and today I played around a bit and found my color.  Okay, I take that back... I found A color. Without thinking I grabbed and paid for a Blue and a Violet stick.. I got home ran in the bathroom ( much like a boy with a playboy magazine) closed the door, and started messing around... I'm surprised that the Blue looked nice.  Quite honestly, I only thought that White girls (and maybe Asians) looked nice in colored makeup.  I just assumed that women of color would look best in earth tones -  golds, bronzes, browns - stuff like that.  Most of my experience with black girls who wore colored make up was bad.. I'd seen smokers (crackheads) with icky sticky red lips, and purple blush, blue eyeshadow,  and a blonde weave... yeah, you're picturing it correctly.. a damn clown!   I was afraid, but I am no longer!  Not sure what color I'll wear tomorrow!  but It will be fabulous!

Day 17: Absolutley Nothing!

Today I pulled a "Husband".. not necessarily my husband, or your husband, just a husband.  I slept in until 1:40pm, I didn't shower, I didn't eat, I only drank a few sips of the bottle water that sat on my night stand from last night, I didn't clean, didn't dust didn't do anything.  As a matter of fact, I am wearing the same clothes I slept in (with the exception of the bra I put on when I got up to go potty).  This is actually the first time in a very long time that I have done absolutely nothing... I guess I just got tired of doing everything.  I'm so tired of being the one expected to do the dishes, cook the diner, tend to the children - yes, I said tend to the children, i wanna drill home just how archaic this whole "woman's work" crap is to me.  I did nothing.  Everyone was concerned.  My children thought maybe I was sick, the husband gave me an attitude - possibly the same one I give him when he sits and watches as I do it all... it felt good.  I walked over two huge piles of soiled clothes, trekked straight on through a pile of papers, looked at but dare not touched the apple core staining thorough my linen table clothe..i ignored it all.  Today, I did nothing!

Day 16: Take a Big Bite!

I don't usually mind trying new foods, but I often do so cautiously - that was not the case today. Today while at dinner I decided to try something new. What I thought was some kind of steamed dumpling turned out to be some kind of chineese sweet potato filled crepe. 

I grabbed this doughy ball and took a bite that divided the crepe in half. I had mo idea it had a creame filled center until I looked at the remaining half. Slowly, I began eating it and it was awesome.  I immediatley started asking the waitress what I was eating, this simple question made me a star, as not too many "non asains" ever attempted to try let alone try this delight. Next thing I know someone ix coming from the kitchen with a tray of these tasty treats all for me... I was in cake like food heaven. Wait staff, cashiers, cook and other employees were watching me as I devoured one tasty treat after another, even trying fig filled ones.

I was a beast, and everyone was happy to see me enjoying their delicacies.    

Day 15: Publish a freaking Book!

No, I can't believe it either, but today I became a published author!  Its actually something that I've always wanted to do, and I feel AMAZING.  My book (just saying that makes me smile),A Day In the Life of Trish,  is a collection of short stories, poems and random thought, that offer a small glimpse into my life as a Mother, Wife, Entrepreneur and Photographer.  Look out for the book at Amazon.com! 

Day 14: Visit the Observation Deck at City Hall

In my 30.10 years of life, I have lived in Philadelphia for 28 of them, yet I have never visited the Observation Deck at City Hall.  That all changed today.  I actually decided yesterday, after hearing how beautiful the weather would be (66 degrees in October), to hop on the train and pay Billy Penn a visit - and that's exactly what I did! 

After a short ride on the local, I waltzed into the Visitor's center at City Hall, and paid my five dollar admission.  I was told where to go and I happily skipped to my destination - YES!  I really skipped all the way.  I got there, and waited patiently for my tour guide to arrive.  I must admit I was a bit nervous, as I was the only person for the 10AM tour, alone with a man that could snap me in half if he wanted... ***side note whenever I'm in a situation like that I go with my gut (which is pretty big thanks to my snack habits..lol) he didn't strike me as a killer*** anyways, we rode in an elevator big enough to maybe fit 4 people to the observation deck, where I received a private tour.. the views were breath taking..  the buildings looked like little cardboard boxes all sitting upon one another.. the city (which I never believed to be that big to begin with ) looked tiny, as if it could snugly fit into another city without being noticed... I kinda felt ashamed for not visiting earlier.. maybe at year 18.10 of my life...

I would definitely go again, maybe with the kids in tow...perhaps we'll all play hooky one day and go pay Old Man Penn a visit.. who knows, maybe I'll go alone :)

Day 13: Write a Wiki page

Today I decided to fool around a bit, and get a little creative.  I signed up for a wikipedia.com account and I authored a short bio about myself.  I thought it would be an easy task, but once I got started I realized just how complicated writing about yourself could be.  I didn't want to include information that would get me stalked (one day I'll be famous) or have my children's safety compromised, but overall I think I did a pretty good time, and most importantly it was fun!

If you wanna waste a little time and see what I've written, please feel free to visit MY WIKIPEDIA page - yes, I kinda yelled that - at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patricia_D._Fleming

Enjoy Life!

Day 12: Dance with My Husband

Now that I actually think about it, I have NEVER danced with my husband, not even on our Wedding day.  Back then I didn't know my left foot from my right and my emotions were all over the place.  Fast forward 8 years and our lives became so complicated with children, jobs, house maintenance, bills, business and so much more that we never danced.  WOW!  that's kinda messed up, in a scary way.  when I think of it, we hadn't event really gone on that many dates...I mean we've been together for 14 years and married for 8 and I can honestly count the number of times we've spend intimate time with one another outside of the bedroom...

Anyways, tonight my husband and I danced.  If you recall, last week I attended my first ever ballroom dancing lesson, it was phenomenal.  So phenomenal that I wanted to share the experience with my husband.  I looked at this opportunity as a chance for us to kinda get to know each other again, spend some time AWAY from the children, and have some fun.  We managed to accomplish all three!  Somehow, as soon as I stepped onto the dance floor, all of my worries were gone, all of my insecurities vanished, it was just my husband and I dancing... It was wonderful!  Of course my toes got stepped on (literally), but overall we enjoyed ourselves.

Looking forward to our next adventure

Day 11: Take my son to see the Dinosaurs

I honestly don't know why it's taken nearly 4 years for me to take Miles to see the dinos at the Academy of Natural Sciences... I guess I kinda forgot about them.

Anyways, today we took the kids to the museum to see the dinosaurs, which happened to so be the debut of the "shell" exhibit. After a good hour of oohing and aahing we made some shell art (see photo) and make some jewerly...I had no idea people were that deep into shell collecting, we ate our lunch and we enjoyed a stroll down the parkway, visited the LOVE park (first time as a family). 

We had a fun time. 

Day 10: Cook rice in a Rice Cooker

Last Christmas my MIL gave me a rice cooker, today (10 months later) I used it. It was no big deal, nothing like I imagined - there were no fancy smells, sounds or sights, just boiling water in a pot that was plugged into the wall.. whoo hoo 

Day 9: Avoid Conflict

Day 9: Avoid Conflict

If you know me, you know that conflict seems to follow me wherever I go. I don't think that I'm a confrontational person, i just have high expectations of people, and when they fail to meet those expectations, I sound off letting them know exactly what I feel, how I was wronged, or just how stupid they sound or are acting... 

I guess I get that trait from my parents.

Anyways, after a day of snapping om almost everyone (Thursday 10/7) I decided to play it cool, and keep my mouth shut by all means necessary. Let me tell you, this was a difficult task, and I honestly don't know how passive people make it through life ( I guess they're ghf ones ghat eventually go "postal" at their jobs) without cussing at least one person out a day...call me mean if you want, I don't care. 

By the end of the night I felt exhausted. I felt like I didn't speak my mind or get my point across,I actually felt violated in some strange ways... not sure if I'll ever let that "meek shall inherit the earth" part of me out again, I don't know....

Day 8: Purple Bra?

Okay, this is a really silly one, but today was the first time I've ever worn a bra that was NOT white, Black or tan/brown. 

You see, My mom wasn't around much when I was growing up, so the bulk of my "act like a lady" training came from my grandmother - who was insanely old school.  According to her wisdom, ladies did NOT wear colored bras for the fear that their "womanhood" would be exposed through their blouses.  When wearing a white or light colored shirt, I was taught to wear a Black bra, I could only wear a white bra if the shirt was a dark color or if I had a camisole underneath.    Tan or brown bras were only to be worn with special care to ensure the color/design (lace) would not show through.  It makes complete sense. 

Growing up I would fantasize about wearing fancy red and pink bras, but every time I put a "colored" bra in my cart, I would hear my grandmother's voice saying "ladies don't wear colored bras".  Last week, I went bra shopping, and the diverse colors and designs were dizzying, I couldn't decide on stripe or polka dot or words, or rhinestones... I went into a colored bra coma, and when I came out I had a simple purple bra in my hand.  I walked to the cashier (an older black woman) and felt the guilt once again - was she my grandmother's look out? was she spying on me and reporting back to her cohort all of the horrid details of my un "ladylike " behavior?  I lowered my gaze, and tried to avoid all conversation whatsoever, but she spoke to me, and said "ooohh chile, this is a nice purple" 

Maybe this was a sign ?  maybe I could still be a lady and wear a colored bra?

Day 7: You probably think that you're cooler than me! also known as Go to a Concert

Today I accomplished a few firsts. 

I finally spoke my mind on a topic that has been burning though me for the past few months.. can you say "Trish has had enough"?  I'm tired of being pushed around, I'm tired of not having my opinions validated (no, I'm not saying that you have to agree, but at least acknowledge them) and most importantly I'm tired of being pushed around.  For far too long I've allowed people (friends, in-laws, bosses,etc.) tell me how I should live MY life.  what started out as constructive criticism turned into berating.. ENOUGH IS DEFINITELY ENOUGH!  But that's not what I'm blogging about today! 

Today (well, actually in a few hours) I am going to my first ever concert!  I am so excited.  I cant believe that I lived for almost 31 years and never had the opportunity to see or experience an artist perform in concert.  I had so many questions, like what should I wear, will there be seats, what's the "concert etiquette", but just decided to throw caution into the wind, and experience it first hand.   I'll be going to see Mike Posner at the Theater for Living Arts in Old City, Philadelphia.  I decided to go with a pair of jeans, a blouse, my blazer and some brand new dangly necklaces I brought today (yes, this is also the first time I've worn those long dangly necklaces girls wear - this should be AWESOME).  Sadly, I'll only have my point and shoot (as my DSLR is broken) but I'm confident I'll be able to capture the moments of this experience. 

btw, I'm writing this now because there is a full bar (of which I plan to utilize fully) and I am not sure what time I'll get back in, or if I'll be of sober mind to put my experience into words...yes, I drink.

In any event, I'll post pictures tomorrow :)

Enjoy Life!

UPDATE: 10/8

Okay, so it took me a few days to digest this whole Mike Posner thing..

I guess the simple fact that I'm calling it a "thing" should indicate my attitude towards the whole experience.  Let me start by saying that for a first time concert goer, the experience was overall great.  I am happy that I experienced it but would not by any means attend another "standing room only" event. 

I went with the expectation that Mike Posner would actually sing one of the songs he's known for Cooler Than Me (Single Mix) and after standing for 5 (YES FIVE) hours I was severely disappointed.

I must admit Mike Posner, put on an amazing show (except for that whole standing still for like five minute thing, which pissed me off tremendously), I thought he interacted with the crowd well, got everybody hyped up and did his thing, but for such a small venue I really thought that maybe he would 1) Maybe take a request (I was hoping that someone would request "cooler Than Me" and 2) Maybe bring someone on stage (that someone did not have to be me, because God knows I would've crapped my pants anyhow). 

What I've gathered is that if you're going to spend money on a concert (or even attend a free one) you should probably be familiar with the songs the artist sings...not just the one they play on the radio.  Would I go to another Mike Posner Concert?  Yes, Indeed! But I would definitely do my research first.

Day 6: Poach an Egg

Well, you can't say I didn't try.

First, I must admit that I am not a huge egg fan. I don't like the way they smell, and most times I don't care for the taste. I used to love eggs, and then I got pregnant with my first child, and our love affair came to a halt.

Anyways, Today I tried to poach an egg (lemme just say the smell of boiling egg water still lingers greatly) without much success. I followed Alton Brown's directions very closely (or at least I thought I did), but the only thing I got was a pot full of egg stuff... looked like bad semen (not that I know what bad semen looks like, oh never mind).

I dare not taste it, NOPE! I will just assume it's yummy, or not.

as a matter of fact, I think the tag for this post should be yucky egg..lol

Day 5: Ballrom Dancing

Lemme start off by saying that I am so freaking happy that I've
decided to open my mind and try new things. these past few days have
been so effin' rewarding and today's event makes it all worthwhile.

Today I took an I introductory ball room dance class. I had so much
fun! with the assistance of Jessie I learned the basic steps to the
foxtrot and merengue! Awesome!

I went alone, but did not hesitate in signing Kyle and I up for a few
lessons :) just think, maybe you'll see me on dancing with the stars :D

Day 4: Make a pie from scratch

Hot damn, pots and pans, Trisha can bake a cake, a lil bit of flour, a
lil bit of sugar, and patience is all it takes...

Alright, alright, I didn't bake a cake, but I did bake an apple pie from scratch!! as in peel and cut apples scratch. Thanks to our visit to styer's orchard yesterday we had ALOT of apples.

I'm amazed that it only took a good 30 minutes of prep time and
another 40 minutes to actually cook it. It smells AMAZING , I can't
wait to eat it.

Enjoy life - Trisha

Day 3: Pick an Apple

Today was pretty awesome!

I had the opportunity to try three new things today, taste an avacado,
visit the Eastern State Pennitentary, and pick a. apple.

Of the three, picking apples was the most exciting. I planned a trip
to styer farm in langhorne pa where we picked pumpkins and apples.
It was Miles' first time to an orchard and my first time picking an
apple. I felt like a real live country gal, all I needed was some
overalls and a straw hat (just kidding).

We ended up picking 10lbs of apples and 3 huge pumpkins. I promised
the kids apple and pumpkin pie (which I DON'T know how to make)...I
guess that will end up on being one of the things I try.

Day 2: Make a Radiator Cover

Day 2: Make a Radiator Cover

Allow me to start by telling you that this was no easy task. I had it
all planned out, I would go to home depot, purchase the supplies and
build a radiator cover- why? cause I'm just that awesome, atleast
that's what I assumed...

I started by embarrasing myself by asking a very handsome associate at
home depot where I can get screwed at - I meant to ask him where I
could get the screws from- once I hot my screws I picked out my lumber
and had if cut to size, drove home (catching each and EVERY light from
rooselbely boulevard to 5th street) and started hammering away like my
life depended on it...

I finished the frame- which was my plan, I'll get the mesh in the
morning... right after I take a long soak.

October 4, 2010 Update: The darn thing fell apart..lol

Day 1: Food for a Week

The older my children get, the more I realize and understand just how important time is. For the past three years I have been running around like a chicken without a head trying to juggle work/family/ and personal life, with little luck. Most nights I crawl into the bed tired and exhausted well after midnight. Many nights - and when I say many I mean like 3-5 times a week- we find ourselves at some restaurant eating someone else's cooking. The chef at 99 knows my name, y'all.. so, not good. All that eating out took a huge toll on my family's budget and diet, and quite honestly I could prepare much tastier and healthier meals myself.

So today while the kids were napping, I made enough food for the next week. I made baked chicken, mashed potatoes, fried fish, pasta salad, pan fried pork chops, stuffing (or dressing as some may cal lit) green beans, corn, broccoli, sauteed zucchini, corn bread, pudding, cupcakes, Iced Tea, and lemonade. I put everything into the freezer, except for tonight's dinner of course, and for the first time in a very long time I felt accomplished. .. we shall see how long this feeling (and the food) lasts.

90 things in 90 days

After stumbling upon "one year of first" a blog written by NBC 10 on air personality Lu Anne Cahn, I became inspired to step out of my box and attempt to truly "experience life"

When I actually think about it, there are so many things I have not done. I've never eaten pecan pie, never deep fried a turkey, never had a facial, never jumped on a trampoline and the list goes on and on... Up until this very moment, I actually believed that I had not done these things because I had limited 1) access to these "experiences" 2) Funds or 3) time, but now that I sit and think, all I had was a narrowed view of what actually defines "experiencing life to the fullest". While I would love to visit Paris, or bungee jump, or ice skate at Rockefeller center I shouldn't hold my breath as I wait for those opportunities to present themselves. I have to get out and grab life by the horns or whatever the saying is). I need to get out there and live life!

So here goes - everyday for the next 90 days (from now until December 29th, 2010) I will do one thing that I have never done before. It may be something simple, like poaching an egg to someting more complicated like... Well, I don't know, just more complicated. I will enter into every day with an open mind and heart and live.

I'll document everything here, please feel free to comment :)

You Ever....Random Thoughts while on vacation...

You ever do things you know you're gonna regret? Like eat two scoops of butter pecan ice cream knowing darn well you're lactose intolerant? or smell a pair of socks you've found in the corner? like seriously did you think they were clean? you ever answer a call of someone you ain't event wanna talk to? or ask someone how they've been even though you don't really care? Have you ever smelled milk that was well after it's expiration date, or worn a pair of pants that you knew were too tight, or a shirt that was kinda too small, or shoes that were uncomfortable? Have you ever gone somewhere you didn't wanna be, and stayed too long, cause you were too lazy to leave? or eat something that looked weird? you ever comment on something that you realized didn't need commenting ... only after the words left your mouth? you ever say something out loud that you thought you were thinking or something too loud just when the room got all quiet? you ever walk into a glass door, pull a door that said push, turned your car on, and scare yourself because you left the radio on BLAST? you ever stub your toe and let out a string of expletives only to realize that your 2 year old was standing right there? you ever drop your toast butter side down and pick it up? you ever walk over a spill secretly hoping someone else would slip in it? You ever type out a long e-mail to someone but never send it? or burn a letter that detailed everything you've ever felt about a person? you ever cuss someone out by accident? and then have to apologize once you realize they were right? ever wake up late and go to work without brushing your teeth? or worn clothes out of the dryer that had that stinky "i left my clothes in the dryer too long" smell? you ever call out sick even though you weren't really sick? or told someone you didn't love that you loved them? or gave someone a fake hug, or smile? or hugged someone an held your breath because you were afraid of how they might smell? You ever tell someone you didn't care, even though you did? or lie about something you ate? or drink the last of something and leave the empty container in the fridge because you thought it would be funny to watch someone get a cup just to realize there was nothing in the container? (good times, good times).. you ever smile and nod and not know what the hell someone was talking about? or listen to someone tell you something while thinking in your head "this idiot don't know what the hell they're talking about".. You ever stay up real late doing dumb stuff, and then complain about being tired the next morning, or lie about having to get up early just to get out of hanging with someone? you ever go somewhere hoping that you see "that person" or don't go somewhere because you don't wanna see "that person"? You ever take a benadryl just so you can fall asleep? or drink too much and vomit all over the place..You ever have company over and totally forget that you have bras hanging in the bathroom until you go to use the bathroom (after they've used it)? You ever loose your money? your mind? your sense of humor? You ever laugh at something that is not funny..like someone falling? You ever cuss someone out in your head? or cuss at your cat or dog? you ever lie about receiving an email or text message or voice mail? you ever log on face book, see people's statuses and get pissed and vow not to log on again...only to log back on to see what their stupid ass friends had to say about it? you ever get caught in a lie?you ever say something really mean, hurt some one's feelings, and NOT feel guilty? You ever buy a can of paint, paint a room and then hate the color? or buy something didn't need, and then need the exact amount of money you spent on something you didn't need to bu/pay for something you do need... like the phone bill or electric bill.. You ever say "I'll do it" thinking that the other person would say "no, don't worry", but instead they say "wow, thanks" and you get stuck doing something you never wanted to do? You ever spend an insane amount of time doing something completely stupid, like reading or writing a nonsensical post, written by someone who obviously has too much time on their hands?

No? Neither have I...

My 1 Year Anniversary 8/31/2010

How Do You Cope? A letter to my conscious....

How do you cope?

With life when there’s some shit at every turn waiting to knock me down and drag me out… Emotionally…Psychologically…Physically? How do I continue “doing me”, trying to remain positive, and become successful when my world starts to collapse from the inside out. How is it possible to function “normally” when all I see is dysfunction? How did I become the “statistic”. How did I become the “dysfunctional” one in a family of addicts, killers, liars… Hopelessness, Despair, Desperation, all becomes a part of my family name, a “legacy” I am left to carry. How do I cope? Am I to turn a blind eye, and pray that disaster doesn’t knock at my door? Or do I jump in head first and “fight” what seems to be a loosing battle… How do I fight something when I’m not even sure its worth fighting for.. Cry for something that’s been cried for time and time again, carry a burden that I’ve been carrying for much too long. How do I cope? Knowing that it could’ve been me. Was almost me. GOD, WHY WASN’T IT ME!!! How do you deal with your soul screaming out for help? How do you remain strong, resilient, determined when your e dying on the inside? When your emotional stability is shaky, when your psychological well-being is questionable. How do you deal with knowing that you’ve encountered a situation that has no solution, no remedy, no nothing… my grandmother’s tears, my uncle’s burden, my aunt’s situation, my father’s issues, my mother’s lies, have become who I am… who I am becoming…

How do I cope?

New Year's Resolution Re-Cap

New Year’s Resolution … Re-Cap

Yes, I do set Resolutions. I like to hold myself accountable. I make goals everyday, but these are generally the “big” or “pressing issues” that I want to overcome/achieve or what have you. Normally I review my “goals for the year” in Mid-June, but this year things got really busy for me around that time. I launched my photography business, and started a new venture that is working pretty well for me. I also resumed classes, and started getting out more…2010 so far has definitely been a good year for me. Anyways, I wanted to share with you all where I am resolution wise. Here’s what was written December 31, 2009

“2009 was alright for me as far as resolutions go. Of the 16 resolutions I made a year ago today, I managed to keep 13 of them… that’s 81%. .. not bad eh?

Most of my resolutions from last year focused on becoming a better person. There were (and still are) lots of things that I needed to come to an end. Things such as worrying, stressing and dysfunctional relationships were consuming my life- I was literally at the breaking point. This year, the resolutions I’ve made will sort of put into action my goals to become better all around, and some of them will remove some of the items listed on my “bucket list” such as swimming.

So, for the year Two Thousand and Ten, I resolve to:
1) Find a new church home, and listen to God’s direction for my life.
2) Sort out who is of real value to me and what my real value is to them.
3) End the toxic relationships in my life – I don’t need them!
4) Invest my time more wisely – Spend more time being quiet and listening.
5) Say what I mean, and mean what I say. I understand this is going to piss a few of you off, so I apologize in advance.
6) Enjoy life by trying new things, and foods (even tofu).
7) Limit my intake of sweets and salt (this will probably be the hardest one)
8) Work out regularly… at least 1 hour a day
9) Spoil myself at least once per month – maybe a new perfume, a spa day, some new shoes…
10) Learn to swim – I’m actually enrolled in an adult swim class – Help me JESUS!"

As of today August 24, 2010.. I’ve accomplished 80% of my goals for the year…

Goal #2 was by far the most challenging goal on my list. I let go of a lot of "friends" who were no good for me. , while letting peopleinto my life who were needed... looonnnggg story

#8 is kind of tricky, as I started the year running, and yoga-ing, and spinning, and a whole mess of other “sweat inducing” stunts. But fizzled about mid-year when things like raising a family, attending classes, taking pictures, marketing a new business, took front seat.

As for #1… I honestly don’t see that goal coming to fruition this year. One thing I must say is that I am closer to God. And that means a whole heck more to me than finding a church home I have entered into this strange quiet place with God that I’ve never been before, and oddly enough a small part of me doesn’t want to ruin it with “church”… just the word church puts a sour taste in my mouth.. .ugh...

Anyways, I just wanted to share with you where I was along my journey. I often get comment from people (most of which I don’t know) who seem to be “inspired” by my progress, determination or whatever the see in me that’s inspiring…

Enjoy Life-
Patricia

Rude Boy by Rihanna Translation by GloZell

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2UE-zPbUGY&feature=youtube_gdata

sent from my iPod Touch

DJ Khaled All I do is Win Win Win Remix (hook) PARODY

Yeah, I've got too much time on my hands

WHY?

Why?

Why you gotta act like “that”? Why you always gotta have something to say? Why are you always so hypercritical of me? Why you gotta always be uop in my business, asking me what I’m eating, why I’m running, where I’m going, why my hair is this or my tattoos are that? Why you always gotta question my motives? Why can’t you accept me the way I am? Why can’t be ever be encouraging? and then you wonder why I don’t share my feelings with you, or why I don’t talk to you, or turn to you in my time of need. Why can’t you realize that there’s NO place in my life for your type of people? Why can’t you change?

Rabbit Food???

Why people gotta call what I eat "Rabbit' food" ???

I don't call that shit they eat "heart attack/high blood pressure/diabetes" food... I'm tired of it.. If you ain't got nothing nice to say just SHUT UP... and since we're on the subject of food, you could definitely benefit from some "Rabbit food"!!

Damn dummy...talking about its a "gland problem" or "big bones"... I never and I mean NEVER down someone because of how they choose to live their lives, yet so many people have something to say about mine...

I don't eat meat because of a choice I made, not because of how I thought it would affect you... if you have a problem with me or my "rabbit' food, you can take your high cholesterol, elevated sugar, sweat when you walk up the stairs, sleep apnea, acne on your back, weak knees, short arms having ass somewhere else... but DO NOT pass judgement on me. that's all i'm sayin...

My Name is Gossip (just the title, not really my name)

My Name is Gossip
I have no respect for justice.
I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives.
I am cunning, malicious and gather strength with age.
The more I am quoted, the more I am believed.
I flourish at every level of society.
My victims are helpless.
They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face.
To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become.
I am nobody's friend.
Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never that same.
I topple governments and wreck marriages.
I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion.
I spawn suspicion and generate grief.
I make headlines and headaches.
Remember, before you repeat a story, ask yourself:
Is it true? Is it fair? Is it necessary??
If not, do not repeat it,
KEEP QUIET!

I'm Tired

I'm tired of people assuming they know me, that they understand my struggle, that they can "relate" to what's going on in my world. I'm tired of trying to get it right in the eyes of others, just t o be ignored. I'm tired of my friends taking what they want from me and moving on... using me up and discarding me. I'm tired of trying to make a difference when you don't believe in change. I'm tired of being the only one working towards something, and having everyone "jump ship" when things don't go right. I'm tired of the same old plan the same old results, the same old shit! I'm tired of people being surprised when they find out that I listen to Rap, or I hate ALL holidays, or that sometimes I just don't give a DAMN! I'm tired of being mistreated, and then apologizing for standing up for my self. I'm tired of the deadlines, the drama, the stress. I'm tired of coming up with new reasons not to give up. I'm tired of people telling me I have so much to be grateful for, or that I'm fortunate...YOU DON'T KNOW ME!! I'm tired of the runaround, the lies, the deception, the hurt, the heartache... I'M JUST TIRED of it all... I'm tired of not accomplishing my goals. tired of not achieving my dreams. Tired of being complacent... I'm tired of explaining myself to you.

Happy Mother's Day

A Mother's Day Prayer

Lord, You brought someone special to mind.

I pray You will bless her for the many ways she's been a blessing.
Surround her with the love of those who care so much for her.
Help her to see the many ways she's touched her family and the many hearts who are blessed by her life.

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy.Philippians 1:4 NIV

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my Mom's Birthday. She would have been 51 today.

She died.

June would be 3 years that she's been gone.

May (Mother's day) is kinda hard for me. I don't know why, but it is. My mother & I never had a close relationship... Quite honestly we never had a relationship at all. I guess I'm dealing with a mixed bag of emotions today. I'm kinda sad that she's gone, but relieved that she is.. When I say that don't just assume I'm some kind of terrible person who finds pleasure in death, that's not the case. My mom (wow, I don't think I've used that word in forever to describe her) had been on drugs since I was 7 years old - her death is a relief to me. I know that she's in a better place (She did get right with God before her passing). I dunno...I'm rambling... I'm getting emotional,and I'm done.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Let's hear it for New York

Composed Sunday April 18, 2010
Posted Today (I'm tired, and have no Idea what today's date is..I do know it's Thursday though)

9:57 am
I'm singing "the streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you, let's hear it for New York"

They say "if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere"...today was my first chance to see if I could intact make it in NY. I boarded the greyhound bus with nothing more than my camera, a bottle of water some bubble yum (grape of course) I.D., cab fare, my iPod and apprehension. I'd been to NY plenty of times,but never by myself and definitely not into the city alone... my plan was to get to Greenwich village and Tribeca, take atleast 500 pictures, have a random conversation with a complete stranger (if you really know me, you know I generally keep to myself) and eat something different... I'm excited and a bit annoyed (the woman in the seat behind me is kicking the seat) and my first piece of bubble yum is beginning to loose it's flavor, but overall I'm optimistic. more to follow.....

6:31pm
after a full day of walking around new york, I think it's fair to say that I'm quite the trooper. I was able to do all that j set out to do, plus more. I hailed a taxi (first time EVER!), got on a NY city subway, walked 15 miles saw sited that were on my to-see list (empire state bldg., WTC site, grand central station, bowling green bull, wall street, battery park, south street seaport, and many others). overall I had a wonderful experience took some great pictures and learned something about myself...actually two things. I learned that when I put my mind to something I can do it. I learned or maybe I should say I realized that I'm not careless as so many people call me... in fact I'm fearless... Now, don't get me wrong, there are many. things that I am afraid of, but generally speaking I don't allow fear or the uncertain stop me from doing something. I really like that about myself... so if there's any one thing I come back from NY with is the
knowledge that yes, I can make it anywhere...

Bottled up...

Alright..I'm better now.

I seriously had to take some time to think about my words (and actions) before posting another blog.

Here's a quick update:

1) We Found our stolen van.. whoever stole it completely trashed it. They were smoking weed, eating peanut shells and God knows what else in it... *damn shame* They hit something because, the car has extensive front end damage, and they left it in the middle of the Roosevelt boulevard (a state highway here in philly)... We found it as we were returning from the bus station (I went to new York to take Pictures)..We were driving down the road, and Kyle says..."is that our van?", I look at the license plates, and sure enough it was our van... We called the police and waited for TWO hours, and no one ever showed. We eventually left, only to wake p on Sunday to do it all over again...sigh... Sunday rolls around and we get breakfast, call the police, and sit & wait... they finally showed after another two hours, and we are then able to get the vehicle towed by AAA. What an experience.

I feel like I was victimized twice. Once by the car thieves, and again by the Philadelphia Police Department.. I mean the car was PARKED ON A FRIGGIN HIGHWAY!! RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE! Its illegal for me to park at an expired meter,m so I assume that its illegal to park in the middle of the highway... oh, my..

I'm thinking of a way to write a letter to the Police Commissioner as well as the Mayor telling them that I am totally disgusted in the way my tax dollars are being spent. ... the trick is finding a way to word it without getting locked up, or cited...

2) I went to NY.. FINALLY.. I took the greyhound bus, and made my way to NY for a day of photography... I will write about my experience, as well as post pictures, in another posting.. so, stay tuned...

3) I dyed my hair.. AGAIN.. Yeah, I'm kinda addicted to dying my hair and will probably do it 4 - 6 times (if not more) in a single year...I'm trying to take pictures of the new color, and will post them as well... Hair Dye, finger Nail Polish, Handbags, Tattoos... and Junk food.. are my vices.. Love me or leave me.. just don't judge me...

I guess that's it...

No more...PLEASE!

So far the month of April has been terrible.

It all started with the heat! I usually like warmer weather, but I don’t care for 80 degree nights in April. I’m more of a 70 degree with a slight breeze kinda gal... and THEN someone stole $200 from me. I guess that was my fault. A parent paid their tuition, and instead of putting it in the cash box or even in my pocket, I placed it on the side of my computer where I thought no one would see it, or at the very least no one would steal it. Two days later we’re rushing Zoe to the ER because she can’t move her legs (it was just leg spasms), five days after that Miles comes down with a terrible cold, and he’s loosing sleep, and then today, someone stole the Daycare Van. Yep, you read it right. Someone stole the minivan. It was parked in the same spot we’ve always parked it, but when I came in this morning it was gone… no broken glass, no tire marks, and strewn papers. Nothing…but an empty parking spot.

I’ve been trying to put myself in the mindset that God has me exactly where he wants me, but its really getting hard to believe (or should I say believe) that way when so many things seem to be going bad at once. Now, granted I should be thankful, and I am - My kids are healthy (for the most part), my home is safe, and things could be a lot worse, but I just feel so drained. It’s like hit after hit.

And now, my necklace just popped!

No Apologies...

You’ve put me through a lot
You’ve caused me lots of pain
My heart aches just thinking about it
Yet, No apologies…

You’ve called me bad names,
Spoken to me in unthinkable ways
Demanded from me unfairly
Yet, no apologies…

You talk to me however you choose,
You push me and pull me,
You expect me to “perform”,
Yet, no apologies…

You say you love me,
You tell me you care,
You treat me like I’m special,
Yet, NO APOLOGIES…

Stepping on toes...

Watch out.. I'm stepping on toes...

Two headed monster with Chameleon hearts… That’s what I call people who live their lives in total contradiction. I just don’t get it. Either act one way or act another. Don’t go around talking about how much you honor and respect the sanctity of marriage and then hang out with adulterers. Don’t say you don’t drink, but hang out at bars. Don’t tell me how I should organize stuff, when everything is tossed in a corner at your place.

I drink. My house is a mess. I listen to music with profanity. I even use profanity myself at times. I spend my money on things that I don’t need. I eat a lot of junk food, and I drink way too much soda. But, I keep it real. I don’t say one thing and do another... Yes, My shit stinks!

If you cheat on your spouse, I can't get down with you - all cool points are gone...I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with you if you choose to hang around cheaters, while drinking cranberry juice at the local watering hole, (sounds like a Wayans Brother's Movie) but please don’t say you feel one way and then act another…

I’m just saying….

I Don't mean to be rude, BUT....

Get your kid & get out!

When its time for you to leave, I’d appreciate it if you actually left. Why? Why do you insist on sitting in my face for an additional 25 minutes talking me to about dumb irrelevant shit?!? Do you really think I want to know about how nice it is outside, or how you spent your damn day off? GTFOH!!! In the words of Martin “You ain't gotta go home, but you gotta get the hell up out of here”… It’s not time to do your kid’s hair, change their clothes or relieve your damn bowels. GET OUT!

Forgive me, but I get to a point in the day when I running out of steam… (normally around 5:30, or so). The music starts sounding like chipmunk chatter, their voices start sounding like forks grinding on plates, and I’m really ready to go home.. IVE BEEN HERE SINCE 6:45AM!. Why can’t you get it through your skull that I am close to snapping point? Oh, yeah.. I still have to go home cook dinner, play wife, spend some one on one time with my own kids, and try to recharge so I can do it all over again… AAARRRGGHHHHH! I really don’t need you staring in my face waiting for an answer to your stupid question… now, I don’t mean to be rude, but please… get your kid and get to steppin’…

Burning at both ends...

I realized after I wrote the title that "burning at both ends" could mean a number of things, but please believe me when I tell you that the only thing that's burning at both ends (or any ends for that much) is a candle....

Today has been one of those days.

I realized at about 7:00am that I had alot to do and very little time to get it done. Ever since I decided to leave work at work, I've been falling behind on alot of projects. Add that to the fact that I've taken on a new business venture, and all hell has broken loose in terms of organization.

Monday - Friday I'm running the daycare...marketing, managing,interacting, acting, cleaning, cleaning again, receipts, invoices, collections.. at times, I forget which hat I have on and end up talking to people about stuff that has nothing to do with them..

Thursday - Sunday I'm running a Photography Business...shooting, posing, cropping, fixing, printing, selling, convincing...

I'm exhausted. Sometimes I'm working into the wee hours of the morning, sometimes, I'm dreaming about working - you ever have those dreams where you're at work?

Can a sistah get a ay off?!?!

What the letter F!

I'm still cracking up at Miles' new saying... Trust me I never ever ever said those words (at least not strung together in the same phrase) before... I truly don't know where he gets this stuff from.

Anyways, I did another installment of self-loc maintenance and when I got up from under the dryer to look in the mirror, all I could think was "what the Letter F!"...


Don't get me wrong, I think I did an awesome job, but I can't figure out why my hair ALWAYS decides to stick out like antenna. No matter what I do, my hair wants to shoot God.... oh, wait, don't go getting all offended, Shooting God just means that hair is sticking up, my hair is not the debil...


So, Here are some pics of the end result...




By the way, why does it always look like one of my eyes are bigger than the other?? I need to get that checked out...

CHOP-ing at the bit...

CHOP-ing at the bit...

I'm blogging from the emergency room of childrens hospital at 1:17am.
Zoe's knees (yes,both of them) locked up on her and became very
painful... I'm so very tired. I've been up since 8:00 this morning
working!! we've bee here since midnight and have yet to be seen. did I
mention that miles is running around touching all over EVERYTHING! I
could so smack him. I'm looking at the nurses, they're looking back at
me. I'm looking at the other patients trying to see who's been here
and who has already been ...wait hold up, they just called us in....

okay, so they did the preliminary check and they'll be back with some
pain relief..Zoe's lying down and miles Kyle and I are taking turns
trying to get comfortable... it's a darn good thing I brought some
DVDs and an even better that the rooms have VCR/DVD players... were
watching G.I. Joe... yeah, I'm always prepared... so I guess I just
have to sit and wait... wait and see..see what's up...

God always seems to have me right where he wants me.

update will follow
-Trish 1:41am

sent from my iPod Touch

Me & Billy....

Or Should I say Billy and I...

Speak The Truth in Love - Ephesians 4:15

The other day someone accused me of being “mean” when asked what I thought about a particular situation. I’m usually one for taking criticism very well, but I had never been called mean before (at least not by an adult), so I was thrown off a little. I asked them to elaborate on why I was “Mean” for speaking my mind and they responded by telling me that what I said was not out of love/or in a loving way….which got me to thinking….

I’m a very honest person, I’m also very opinionated. I speak my mind, I think I’m always right and I love a good debate. But, I DON’T always speak the truth in love… If you ask me how something looks I’ll tell you the truth, even if I think it makes you look stupid. If you ask my opinion I’ll give it to you, even if it makes you uncomfortable... Why?, you ask.. Because I would hate to be the friend that let you go around thinking that you would become the Next American Idol, that you should quit your day job and become a poet, or that those tacky white patent leather espadrilles go with those peach capri’s… and I would expect people to do the same for me.

Have I crossed the line?, maybe...but I think that sometimes you have to be stern (and maybe even mean) to get the point across. I honestly don’t believe that love is always gentle. If it was why would a parent discipline their kid and say I’m doing this because I love you??? You see my point (yes, it may be skewed, but it’s MY point)… Yeah, I’ll admit, I do need to work on my tact, but I don’t think that I should start sugar coating stuff just to make it an easier pill for you to swallow.

How about a compromise. You understand that sometimes things come out mean, but I’m telling you this because I love you, and in return I’ll try (and I say that through clenched teeth) to be a little more mindful that not everyone has thick skin, and perhaps I should be a little more “loving” in my delivery.

"Not What I expected..."

“Not quite what I expected”

If you’re like me, I’m sure you’ve said or at least thought this before:

“Not what I expected…”

Be it a book, a new CD, or a conversation, we’ve all had that moment when we’ve been disappointed…maybe even felt slighted. But have you ever examined your expectations? And better yet, how do you think you live up to the expectations of others?

This question comes as a result of a friend sharing some news with me that I found quite disturbing…She expressed her dissatisfaction in a particular service she was or was not receiving. Instead of her criticism being taken and used to provide better service, my friend was accused of having “unrealistic expectations of people”.

Wow! I wasn’t expecting that…

I must admit… I expect a lot from people whom I feel some sense of connection to. I expect my children to obey. I expect my husband to honor our wedding vows, I expect my employee(s) to perform in accordance with their job description, and I expect people to understand that I have expectations and that I set my standards high…

But, Now I’m left wondering what exactly makes an expectation unrealistic or unreasonable? And does having expectations and holding others (and yourself) accountable go hand in hand? Do our expectations change with our circumstances? Our goals? I expect that answers will vary.

Let me share a story with you…

My mother abandoned my sister and I when we were both very young – well, actually that’s not the whole truth. My mother was bipolar, and became heavily dependent on street drugs. She was selling things from our home to support her drug habit, and her actions, and behavior became very destructible…no place to raise young girls (or any child for that much). My dad relocated us (my sister and I) I was 7 , she was 1. My mom NEVER (not even once) reached out to us, or attempted to get herself clean so that she could be a mother to us, therefore (in my mind) we were abandoned… anyways… between the ages of 7 and 14 my dad had a string (and I mean string) of girlfriends. None of which exemplified what many would consider characteristics becoming of a lady. They were crass, they were crude, they were vulgar, they were deceptive, and they were unfaithful. The few that I thought I could confide in proved me wrong…

As a result, my expectations of people, specifically females, were skewed. To me they could not be trusted, they were all the same, and I never gave them a chance to prove otherwise… Now let’s fast-forward 10 years… I have NO female friends, not even aquiantenances, and I’m working as an Office Manager in an office of ALL women – pure hell! From the outside, I got my stuff together – a well paying job, I own a home, I’m driving a new car, I’m married, I have a beautiful child…. But on the inside I’m falling apart…something’s missing. Did I mention that I was working in an office of all women? All whom were exhibiting the same qualities (or lack of qualities) that I saw in my dad’s girlfriends- they’re talking about one another, and then smiling in each other’s faces, instead of uplifting one another they’re looking for and pouncing on each other’s insecurities. It was so annoying.

And then I met Terry Davis.

Right off the bat I could see that she was different, but it took me a few months to realize what. For starters she carried herself in a much more “dignified” way. She spoke softly and controlled her anger. She uplifted and encouraged. She was Christian…

*sidebar* Please don’t be led to think that I believe Christians to be the only ones capable of carrying themselves in a dignified manner, or controlling their anger, or uplifting and encouraging. I know countless men and women who practice diverse religions, and act “right”, just as I know many Christians who “miss the mark” terribly.

I had known Christians before, but I had never met someone who professed their love for Jesus, and actually “acted Christ-like”. Never… One of the things that Terry taught me (and still reminds me on a daily basis through her e-mails, texts, and phone calls) is that God holds us to a HIGHER standard…and that we are therefore charged with holding one another accountable… She taught me that we should have expectations of others, just as we should want and expect from God… Contrary to my belief, expecting from God was rude, but she reminded me of that ALL the difficulties that are brought forward as keeping us back from full salvation, have their cause in this one thing: the defective knowledge and practice of waiting and expecting upon God.
There was nothing wrong with having expectations. That was my ah-a moment….

Terry Davis allowed me to change my expectations of people (including women). Yeah, there are women who disrespect themselves and others… but I have learned to realize that those few do not represent the whole… So back to my original question:

What makes our expectations unrealistic?

Albert Ellis, noted psychotherapist (yep, I studied Psychology too) has said, "Where is it written that others must act the way we want them to. It may be preferable, but not necessary."

So riddle me this…

What do you expect from your child’s teacher? Do you expect that your child will be educated, safe, nurtured academically, respected and valued? Do you expect a certain level of professionalism?

What about your friends? What do you expect from them? Do you expect them to be loyal? To encourage you? To share in life’s ups and downs?

What about your church leaders?

What about your parents?

What about yourself?

What about me?

Over the past 10 years, I’ve learned a lot about how people operate, and one of the things that I learned is that people don’t respond well to criticism… especially when you tell them that they failed to meet your expectations… They tend to throw the “your expectations of people are unrealistic” card in your face. EVEN THOUGH they instill in you that you can depend on them.

Your parents tell you that they love you and that they’re there for you, no matter what but tell them you’re homosexual. Tell them that you’re dropping out of college AGAIN. Tell them that you’re pregnant at 16. Will they live up to what they’ve promised or will they fail to meet your expectations?

What about your church leaders? What happens when they fail to lead you spiritually, when their actions or deeds become different from their sermons? What happens when they preach “works” but fail to participate? What happens when they promise confidence, yet preach about Sarah being unfertile while eyeballing you? Have they failed to meet your expectations?

Where does that leave you? Do you stop expecting? Do you stop caring? Does that guard go back up? Do you stop holding yourself and others accountable?

Just a thought…