What you mean that baby is my brother?!?

For the past 11 or so years I've been coming to terms with the fact that my pappy is a man whore! That's right you heard me. The man is a whore! Now don't misunderstand what I'm saying. My dad is a wonderful father, he raised my siblings and I when our mothers walked out, and he did the best he could to provide us with a decent life, but the man loves the ladies.

Today, I was smacked in the face with this reality when my dad called me at 8:00 in the a.m. asking me to watch a "baby" below is the transcript (if you would) of this conversation...

Setting:
In my Kitchen

Characters:
Trish - a 28 year old mother of 2, married, work at home mom
Kyle - Trish's Husband, Son in law to Lawrence
Lawrence - a 50 something y/o man of alot of babies, single, work various locations

Phone Rings
Kyle "Hello"
(Pause) "Oh yeah, hey Dad hold on."
Trish: "Hello, Hey Daddy"
Lawrence: "Hey Patricia, do you think you can watch a baby for me today?"
Trish: "A Baby?"(emphasis on the word A)
Lawrence: "Yeah, actually it's your new little brother, his mom has a doctor's, I mean dentist appointment and doesn't have anyone to watch him. I'll pay you if you need me to"
Trish: (Shocked) "Um, Okay, Congratulations..." (pause) "Yeah, I'll watch him. Are you gonna bring it, I mean him around?"
Lawrence: "No, I'll give his mom your telephone number and she'll call you for directions. Thanks. Bye."
Trish: "You're Welcome, Okay Bye."

Weird Huh? Not exactly. For years there have been rumors that my dad had fathered additional children other than me and my five siblings. My sister and I always joked that we were the original 6 and that's all that mattered, and no matter what we wouldn't acknowledge any others, for one specific reason: Malisa and I share a Mother, and father. We're blood sisters. Of my four brothers, only two of them are actually related to me by blood. My oldest brother and the youngest one have different fathers and Mothers, but the two in the middle share a father with me & Malisa..... you got it??? By Blood I only have 2 half brothers, but I love them all So, you see, I didn't really see the need for any other brothers or sisters I just completely ignored anything anyone said about my dad having other kids...

Yes! I've met kids who were supposed to be my little brothers and sisters, but never gave it any thought. But today was totally different. I wasn't as mad as you'd think I would be. When my dad said "actually it's your new little brother" he sounded like the little girl in Juno who had to tell her parents that she was pregnant. Our roles had completely switched....(shaking my head)and I felt like a single mom who's teenage daughter just came to her and said "Mom, I'm pregnant". I almost immediately loved this kid as much as I love my other siblings.

Of course , had alot of jokes saying that Zoe had a baby Uncle that she could call "uncle little", or that he probably looked like "little man"(the baby from the Marlon Wayans Movie). Apparently Malsia (my sister) told me about this kid a few months ago, but I don't remember.... All I know about this kid is that he's 5 months old, always has hard boogies in his nose (thanks Malisa for that visual), is light skinned, looks just like my dad and is a "good baby"... Other than that I don't know the kid from a can of paint.

This revelation got me to thinking...
Lately I've been running into a lot of people who say they no me, and look really familiar. Like, at least 5 people within the past 3 days have called me by name looked me in the eyes and asked "so you don't know who I am?"... Are these people related to me? are they my brothers/sisters? How many of them are there out there? Am I even the oldest?

Part of me wants to know, but for two reasons I would never ask. Firstly I think that it would be a little disrespectful to say "yo pops, have you ever been on that Maury show?" and Secondly I think I would be devastated to find out that there are like 11 of us. I would drop dead right on the spot.... Maybe I'll ask when one of us is on our death beds, Lord knows I have alot of questions to ask that man...

Anyways, the kid or his mother never showed up, but she did call me. She apologized for not showing up, and told me that she appreciated my kindness. She also asked me if I would help her out in the future if she needed someone to watch him... I said yes, and I meant it.... Man, have I matured alot....

A day in her shoes.....

For the past 7 years, Zoe and I have spent the Sunday following her birthday hanging out with each other. It started back when Kyle worked for the TSA; his job required him to be away from us 3 weeks out of the month, and one of those weeks fell on Zoe's 2nd Birthday. It's nothing spectacular, I mean we usually go out for breakfast or lunch, run a few errands, take a car ride down town and just talk.

We ask each other whatever we want, no question is off limits and no matter what, we promise to tell the truth. We both enjoy the quiet (living in a house with two boys can be a little annoying sometimes), and the chance to have some real girl talk. We've talked about everything from the birds and the bees, to how much cheese is too much (the girl loooves cheese). I'm not usually a big fan of holding hands (I don't think people wash their hands enough) but days like this are the exception.

Today, we drove through South Philly, stopped at Boat House Row, and ran some errands. Zoe had so much to say... she even voiced her opinion on Barak Obama! She told me I looked like scooby doo from behind because of my hairstyle, and then laughed hysterically as I sang "Thank you for letting me be myself".

I really learned alot about her... I mean, I knew my girl was smart as a whip, but I never realized just how intelligent she was, she came up with wonderful ideas, and concepts. She made up funny little songs, and asked really good questions. I am so proud that she has her own beautiful mind with beautiful thoughts and dreams, and aspirations. I am happy that she is thoughtful and caring, and that she questions EVERYTHING!

I make it a point to spend quality time with Zoe, since that was something that I lacked as a child. Zoe and I have "Pizza Parties" and "sleep overs" (in each others rooms), but these Sundays are always so special to me.

Of course by the time we got back the house looked like a mess! We turned and looked at each other, backed outta the door, and went for milkshakes!

Zoe, I had fun and I look forward to September 13, 2009 !

A Birthday Shout Out!

Go Zoe, It's your Birthday!
Go Zoe, It's your Birthday!

Below is Zoe's Theme song. Every morning I sing it to her, and although she thinks it's getting a little corney she sings along with me...

To My favorite girl in the whole, wide world



Who Let the Dogs Out?

Love ya!

Foot Ball Season, My Favorite Time of the Year - - NOT

There's another woman, and her name is NFL!

Yesterday my husband left me for the NFL... I saw him watching her all day, talking to her and laughing with her. I've known about his obsession with her since I've met him, but I tried to be the bigger woman and let it go. But he's so darn blatant with it. He looks at her while I'm in the room, and checks out her stats when he says he "checking his email", and Sundays are the worse.

I tried to see what this NFL thing was all about, and decided to follow few players. When Bret Farve left the Packers I made notice, when that dude said that he would change his name to ocho cinco, I laughed at how ludicrous it was, especially since ocho cinco isn't even the Spanish word for eighty-five, I even joked about Michal Strahan's gap. I learn the player's names, and the teams that they play for. For a woman, I know quite alot about Rugby, um I mean football... But nothing works! He loves her.

The NFL has taken my husband, and now I'm out for blood!!! The Eagles SUCK! The Giants SUCK EVEN HARDER! I'm gonna be a Cowboy's Fan! Take that! Darn you FOX, Darn You ESPN, Darn you DirecTV!!

You just wait until Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sister, and The office all return this season. Don't you come knocking at my door when I'm laughing and smiling. Don't you ask me whats for dinner!

Day # 10,452 - Why?

Over the past few years I've been training myself to become more observant of what's going on around me, and a little slower to react. Back in the day I was a bit of a hothead. I cussed, and I didn't care, and I was really rude. But since my "transformation", I've begun noticing how people act, and how irking it could be, and trying to understand their motives.

Here are just a few things that I've noticed and quietly ask myself WHY?

1. Why do people blow their horns in traffic? I mean If there was somewhere for me to go, chances are I'd be there.


2. Why do parents ignore all warnings, and put their children in cars without car/booster seats?


3. Do you really have to talk so loud to someone that is standing right next to you? I mean really....


4. Don't you see the ring? Aren't I with my kids? Do you really have to say "what's up ma'"to EVERY woman that walks by? And why do you have to call me names when I ignore you? Yo' Mamma! lol


5. Don't you know how much money you have before you come into the store? Why do you try to buy ALL that stuff, and then act surprised when you dig in your pocket to only find $27.38.


6. Did you really have to bring your kid out in just a pamper and a pair of shoes? Is it really that hot? Did you run out of pants?


7. Can you control your kid? I mean , he's cute as all goodness, but I am really tired of him ramming that darn cart into my heels. Imma git 'em if you don't...


8. How did you get my phone number and If I haven't returned ANY of your calls, why do you keep calling me?


9. Do you really think that you're God's gift to women? I mean you walk around strutting your "stuff". Guess what? They're just not that into you!


10. Is it really necessary to BLAST your car stereo? So what you have new sub woofers, on your pimped out Monte Carlo. I admit the car is hot, I even like your 22's, but please, please, please turn your stereo down! My kid's gonna get SBS (shaken baby syndrome) over here.


11. How limited is your vocabulary that you HAVE to cuss at your kid? It's really sad.

Day # 10,499 - First Day of School

Today was Zoe's first day of Second Grade.

Last year this time she refused to allow me to photograph the day, but she was all smiles this morning, posing and grinning whenever she saw the camera. I felt a little sad today, because I'm slowly realizing that my little girl is growing up so fast. It feels like yesterday that the little stump on her umbilical cord fell of and Kyle and I were looking around for it freaking out... I remember the first time she sat up, and I screamed so loud that I scared her and she fell back and bumped her head on the floor....

GET YOUR HANDS OFFA ME!!!

Today I was hugged.....um acosted by a person that I know but not that well. This woman who I speak to almost everyday in a very non personal way, ran up to me and hugged me while I was dropping Zoe off for her first day at school.

Boy, was I uncomfortable! I came home, excused myself and quickly washed away the hug that left me kinda embarrassed.

I was trying to figure out all day why she would hug me... like I said I know her name, and that's about it....

I can only equate this feeling to what the boy in the video below must've been feeling....

In the words of my 2 year old niece "I'm sceeeeeary" ....lol

Day # 10,494 Miami Again???

Neither Kyle nor I looked forward to returning to Miami. In order to get a cheaper plan ticket we decided to extend our vacation by staying a night in Miami and flying out on Saturday… bad decision… The hotel, Courtyard Marriot on NW 79th street had beautiful grounds; however it was smack dab in the middle of nowhere and the staff were rude, no one gave you eye contact and the room had a funny “wet” smell. The hotel itself wasn’t too kid friendly, there were no cribs offered, and absolutely no changing tables available in any of the public bathrooms. We dodged traffic (literally) to eat at what tasted like tissue paper on bread at burger king, and walked down to a gas station to get a qt of milk for Miles. We spent a lot of time at the pool, which seemed to clear out as soon as we walked through the gate, and ordered food from a Chinese restaurant. The food was great but it took them 45 minutes to arrive, and when they did arrive the delivery man presented us with a receipt that had an additional $2 on it that they couldn’t explain. Kyle being the calm dude that he is told the delivery guy who was speaking a mixture of Chinese & Spanish (Kyle dubbed it Spanese) that he could keep the $2 as a tip, ad tried to close the door.. and that’s when all hell broke loose. The delivery guy started yelling and screaming that we better give him a tip or else… Kyle told dude to get out of the door, NOW, and that kinda put an end to it… It was scary…. What’s up with Miami and Tips??? The next day we got out of dodge… The funny part is that as we were boarding the plane I heard “Welcome to Miami” over the loud speaker… too funny….

Day # 10,493 Day at Sea

Our last day on the cruise seemed to whiz right past us, we woke up around 9:30 and lazily went about our day. Kyle & Zoë went back to the pool, while Miles and I went to Bingo, and then back to our room for lunch and a nap. By the time I awoke, I found our whole family sprawled out across the bed asleep. We saw another dancing show, looked at our pictures in the photo shop, and went back to our room to watch the Bucket list. By the time we awoke, it was time for us to go.

Day # 10,492 - Cozumel Mx

Personally I didn’t care too much for Cozumel, but Kyle and the kids loved it. To save time and money in taxi fares, we rented a jeep for the day. This decision, which I initially thought was not wise, allowed us to drive the island at our own pace. Good Call, Kyle. We went to Paradise beach where the kids enjoyed playing n the sand, and water, while Kyle enjoyed a 20 minute massage. We ate fajitas until our stomachs popped and then bathed in the sun. We left the beach and explored the rest of the island. With about 80% of the island being underdeveloped, the majority of our ride was spent ooing and aahing at the reefs. We stopped at a vendor whose goods ranged from handmade hats and blankets, carved stone & wooden calendars, mosaics, masks, knives, basins and maracas. We spent about 70$, asked for directions and went about our ways. As we drove down town into the residential part of Cozumel we saw the people who make us Cozumel’s population of approximately 73,193. It was a school day so we got to see little children on their way home from school, and people walking their dogs. We even saw a woman driving a moped with a baby on her lap, at first I was like “awww look at that baby on that moped”, and then I was like “Oh My Goodness, that baby is on a moped!” It was scary and funny all at once. The poor baby couldn’t have been no more than 10 months old. We got a little turned around, so we had to stop and ask for directions. Since I am the best Spanish speaker in the family I had the honor of asking for directions… So we, pull into a gas station and I asked the clerk “Donde esta Punta Lagoasta?” in almost perfect Spanish if I say so myself. The clerk, who appears to be a 20 something Mexican looks around and turns a little red. She was like “”um, poonta que?”. For a minute I started to freak out cause I thought that maybe punta didn’t mean what I thought it meant… I searched through my memory ,trying to remember if punta was a cuss word or not… breathe Trish, breathe… lol the red faced lady finally responded by saying “Habla Ingles?” I say “si” and realize that this Mexican didn’t speak Spanish! She was like “your Spanish is better than mine and I’m Mexican” we shared a laugh, she gave me directions, and we rushed back to the boat with just enough time for dinner. Good times, good times….

Formal Night

Day # 10,491 - Key West Fla.

Compared to Miami, Key West was a breath of fresh air. Hot, humid air, but fresh nonetheless. Originally we planned on strolling around town, but the heat forced us to jump on a trolley tour for instant relief. Aaron, our tour guide form trolley tours of America, was great. He gave us info on the town, showed us the beaches, Ernest Hemmingway’s home as well as his favorite watering holes, we visited the southernmost point in the US, and visited the shops on Doral Street. Kyle and I instantly fell in love with Key West and promised to vacation there again, and even make it our new home one day.

Day # 10,490 - The Crusie

This was miles 1st, Zoë’s 2md and the 3rd for Kyle and I. Carnival calls themselves the fun ship and I understand why. The cruise had something for each and every age group. From camp carnival for the little ones to casinos, and R rated comedy shows for the old heads like you and Kyle… Each night the entertainment crew put on wonderful shows, our favorite being “far from over a dancing and singing celebration of the 80’s. It was like so you think you can dance and America’s Best Dance Crew times 5. When I say fantastic, I mean fan friggin tastic! They did Prince, Janet Jackson, Madonna, and my favorite Michael Jackson….plus many many more. We (Zoë & I) were hooting and hollering and having a grand time, Kyle just sat there smiling, and Miles was in total awe. The accommodations were way better than we expected. They even went out of their way to provide a crib for Miles, and a Murphy bed for Zoë. The Murphy bed was cool for about an hour, until she kept opening and closing it….. There was plenty of closet and drawer space and a shower huge enough for me to supervise Zoë and Miles as they bathed. The Stewarts did a wonderful job of keeping up with us. They knew our names (one of them actually freaked me out when he was like “Hello Patricia”. I was like who the?) and amazed the kids with the towel animals. The Food, oh, man let me tell you, there was lamb, hotdogs, pork chops, pasta, fries, roast beef, basa filet, fruit, fresh bread, hamburgers, whipped butter, ham, turkey, shrimp and ANYTHING else you can think of. If you wanted it, they had it, and if you didn’t see it, all you had to do was ask. There were at least 5 pools on board, with 2 of them being kiddy pools. There were some hot tubs, but I didn’t venture into any. Zoë and Kyle made sure that they took advantage of the waterslide, while Miles and I did what we do best…. Eat. We played bingo a few nights and tried our luck at 80’s trivia, who knew that General Lee was the name of Bo & Luke Duke’s car, and that there were 5 Village People??? . We also met a lot of people with interesting storied, like Ken a man from Mt. Airy who scuba dives even though he’s in a wheel chair.

Day # 10,489 - Welcome to Miami?

First off, let me tell you that no one welcomed us to Miami! For years I imagined that beautiful men and women would dance up to us singing bienviedos a Miami. I guess welcomes like that only happen in Will Smith videos…lol.

Our first impression of Miami was ugh! It was unwelcoming, hot and muggy, and a little on the rude side. The luggage handler demanded tips and made us feel like something would happen to our stuff if we refused.
Below are pics:

On the plane

Miles tripping

Kyles listening to treats of

lost luggage if tips not given