Day 10,454 - Who am I?

During our last rendezvous I started to scratch the surface on who I am. Today, after careful consideration I’d like to delve a little deeper into what would be the mantle of my world.

My Given Name is Patricia Dorotheia Jones. I was born into this world 10,455 days ago to Ann Jones & Lawrence Jubilee. I am the eldest child of a very dysfunctional family. Trust me, I’ve met a lot of people and while they’ve lived some very interesting lives, I am convinced that mine may be one that even Freud would be afraid to study.

You see, things in my life took a unplanned rout in 1985. Just 5 years old, My parents became separated. My Mother, had been recently diagnosed as being bipolar, and was now abusing street drugs pretty heavily. I have my own theory that my father introduced her to drugs, but its all speculation. Anyways, the normalcy that I once knew was shattered when my father left home and left me and my infant sister alone with an addict. I’ve never asked, but I would love to know what the hell he was thinking when he left us, I mean so many horrible things could’ve happened to us. I vividly remember my mother leaving us alone at night to chase after her next high, I remember when she stole my money and told me that my sister must’ve lost it. I remember us going to shelters to eat because my mother would rather feed her high than her children. I remember it all. But what I remember the most about my mother were the lessons that she taught me. She inadvertently taught me how to be a mother, how to be strong, and brave; and most importantly she taught me how to love.

Wow! I haven’t cried about my mother in almost a year... breathe, Trish, breathe…. I’m good.

I remember in 1997 when I was away at school, my mother sent me a letter. I haven’t heard from or seen her in almost 7 years and all of the sudden out of the blue I have a letter from her. At first I thought it was some kind of cruel joke, but I remembered her handwriting, and her trademark misspellings. (Isn’t it funny what you remember about people). Anyways, I remember that my hands were shaking and I was afraid of what it may say, at the top of what looked like a discarded sheet of loose-leaf paper my mother wrote:

“Dear Patricia, God will bring your dreams and inspired ideas into reality through the resources of his kingdom. When you acknowledge it is within you its wealth truth ad energy will work to supply all of your needs. The Kingdom is with in you. It is all within reach. Glory! Start reaching for it today, your had of faith is healed and no longer withered. Stretch it forth today. ”

And after that she wrote out the following verse from Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.

So you see, my mother may not have been there in the way that she should have been, but she taught me the lessons that I’ll need to get me through. While I sometimes wish things were differently, but no matter what or how things turn out I know that I am love.

Signing off -
Trish