The Call... part 1

Yesterday I got a visitor...

I hadn't talked to her in almost a year, but here she was standing at my doorstep, asking for her "stuff".

My heart skipped a beat,
my breathing became irregular...
I had no idea what I should expect...

Our last conversation had been so nasty, so not like us at all...

I was angry.
What could she want?
Hadn't she done enough damage?
Doesn't she know that I still hurt?!?
What the FUCK!!!

I turned her away. told her I dint have the time...
I'm busy...
I don't care...
Leave me alone!

She walked away,
I closed the door..

My stubbornness stepped aside, and I felt something...
my heart felt again, after almost a year of not feeling...
not caring, not wanting, not nothing....

so,
I called her.
we spoke, we argued, we cried, we cussed, we agreed.
that things had changed,
but shouldn't be this way...
we were both casualties of circumstance...

It wasn't what I expected, nor needed at this time.
I was happy,
without her.
I was better off without her,
I didn't need her.
or, at least that what I had convinced my heart to believe...

I was happy being numb. not caring.. not loving...

and now the wound has been re-opened,
and the pain has flooded back into every crevice of my being....