I have never been any good at waiting. As a child I expected and sometimes demanded to have things NOW! I never crawled, but walked very early at 9 months of age. Never used training wheels, I went straight to the big league with two-wheelers. As a teenager Id walk rather wait for the bus, wait for a seat and then wait for the driver...and even now as an adult I find myself counting down the minutes...hours...days...until_____. I drove the speed limit yesterday on 76 and I felt like I would die - Yes its that bad!
Now I know exactly where my problem comes form. I have no true discipline, no real respect for authority, So I tend to be a smart a**, a know it all, when in fact I don't know Jack!
As of late I've found myself having to wait and rely on the Lord more than ever. When family problems arise- as they seem to do- I haven't been able to be in the position to swoop down and put that proverbial band aid on it. Instead my hands have been tied - perhaps by the Lord - and I've almost been forced to sit back, be still, listen and wait on God to show (rather than tell) me how to proceed.
Now I'm what feels like a point in my life where I'm ready to move on to that "next chapter" I planned and prepared in advance, for something NEW, something BIG, Something DIFFERENT... But God came in, laughed at all of my silly plans, and put me "back on course". He opened doors to furthering my education so that I could really do what I "planned".
I mistakenly put a period where God put a comma.
So now I sit here with tears burning my eyes- Yes I've been crying all night- Yelling, out! Screaming, pleading with the lord. Lord I'm waiting!
What's strange is that I feel two ways about the whole situation. Part of me feels despair. I cry out because I'm no longer in charge of anything. I'm not in control. I'm still in the game, I'm just not the Quarter Back...I'm more like the Water Boy(Adam Sandler Y'all) - I'm still important, I'm still relevant, I'm just not calling the shots. Another part of me feels relived. I'm excited to see what God has planned fr me. What new possibilities, new adventures, new people will God bring into my life. What new blessings???
Finally I can relax and trust that he'll take care of me...it feels good.
Psalm 119:33-40
Teach me, O Lord, the way of Your Statutes, and I shall keep it to the end.
Give me your understanding, and I shall keep your law; Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart. Make me walk in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it. Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to covetousness. Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive in me your way. Establish your word to your servant, who is devoted to fearing you, Turn away my reproach which I dread, For your judgements are good.
Behold I long for Your precepts; Revive me in your righteousness.
1 comment:
Expect that He will come through...expect that He will do more than what you could ever ask or imagine...expect Him to be God in your situation!!!
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