30...but who's counting?

I was born. I’ve witnessed domestic violence. Witnessed my mother “hit the pipe” ate at a homeless shelter, watched our home burn to the ground. I’ve been disowned as a sister, neglected as a child. I’ve listened to doctors tell me that my baby- the one whom I’ll never hold had died. I’ve had 2 cancer scares, eight stitches, 1 stab wound, 1 epidural, 3 tetanus shots – no flu shots, food poisoning, stomach Virus, 4 wisdom teeth extracted, 2 cavities filled and 1 root canal. But here I am – still; standing I’ve tried committing suicide – but my purpose was yet fulfilled…

I’ve had bruises from boyfriends who said they loved me, I’ve been talked about and behind my back by theses who called me their friend or said I was like family. My car has been impounded, my licenses suspended, my credit denied… I’ve been arrested, arraigned, fingerprinted, and incarcerated – but still I smile. I saw my mother die, I heard my father cry…Do you expect me to give up so easily?? I’ve been betrayed, and deceived, used and abused. I’ve held on with everything I had only to have it all snatched away. They called me dumb, stupid, worthless, useless – said there was no hope- just walk away!

What did they think? That I would just disappear? I’ve been through a lot, so much pain, hurt, disappointment, stress, drama, so much despair…I have so many reasons to just give up….

But What I’ve been through isn’t what fills my eyes with tears… It’s what I go through

I’m loved – sometimes more that I am willing or able to love myself. My sins have all been resolved. I’ve been forgiven way more that I’ve forgave. I’ve been hugged by little arms that squeeze so tight, and kissed by tiny wet lips that laugh and giggle when I wipe away their slobber… I am motivated and encouraged by gentle smiles…

I can’t stop now, I’m in too deep. I’m still growing.

I’ve grown so much. Sure I’ll make more mistakes, and choose unwisely, but that’s part of life, and it makes me into the person that I am today. What I thought would take me out has brought me so far….I have so many reasons to keep going…

Its my birthday, and I have so many reasons to celebrate.