Upside Down

Latley it's felt like my world has been turned upside dowm.

For the past 60+ days I've been struggling to deal with many issues, and now I feel like I'm at my breaking point spritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.

Issues such as finances (struggling to keep up with3, yes THREE mortgages) Business (plans not really going how & where I'd planned) and Family (don't even get me started on Family) are on my mind night and day.

I try to stay positive and thank God for those things that I am grateful for, but as soon as I feel the calm, I'm slapped in the face with yet another problem...another God damned issue!

It's hard, y'all...

At times I feel like giving up...I contemplate filing bankruptcy, not showing up for work and telling my family (all of those crazy bastards) to kiss my ass and go to Hell!... but then something tells me to "hold on".

But as I tighten my grip, weight is added to my shoulders and the pain becomes unbearable..I'm slipping...I'm falling...

What am I supposed to do? What would you do when all of your plans, your dreams, your goals, and even your accomplishments go up in smoke? What do you do when you reach that point where your heart has become hardened and your sprit weakend by the stress and dissapointments? What do you do when that encouraging word or scripture is no longer wanted?? No longer encouraging? What happens when you either can't or don't want to hear God's voice??

The noise is so loud... so consuming.

BUt I have no one to blame but myself. Without seeking God, I prayed for patience, and change. And now I sit in the midst of a storm, waiting for more shit to hit the fan. I sit here in a storm watching things and people change so fast, so much, all at once...I sit here in a storm watching as everything I've worked for get blown away.......

Im at a standstil in my life...Nearly 6 months to my 30th birthday and I feel like I dont have my shit togehter... Like a complete failure.

Signing off...